Child wants to be vegetarian

[NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom]

A bit of a tough one. My youngest (9) wants to be vegetarian because he doesn’t want to eat animals as it makes him sad. We’ve raised animals for meat all his life but for some reason, seeing the Christmas turkeys in their field on his way to and from school each day is making him really upset.

My problem is that in order to ensure he gets a decent amount of protein and the vitamins/minerals that he currently gets from meat, I’m going to have to do a lot of extra cooking just for him. I have Crohn’s, and so does my eldest, so we can’t eat most beans/pulses and many other foods that are common in a vegetarian diet. Also, none of us can tolerated Quorn!

I will have to cook two separate meals every day in order to accommodate my DS becoming veggie. He grows like a weed and is always on the go so he’s really quite skinny so can’t afford to lose any weight.
I’m not against vegetarianism in the slightest - we’d have veggie meals more often as a family if my DD and I could stomach them. We try to counteract this by eating meat that is either raised by us or ethically sourced.

DH and I work full time so don’t have time to be cooking two separate meals every night. I also suffer with chronic fatigue due to my Crohn’s so generally use the weekends to try and recover from my working week.

AIBU to try and persuade my DS to hold off being veggie until he’s a bit older?

I have a DD who is veggie. I would cook up a big thing of beans and a big thing of lentils at the weekend then box and freeze it up into portion sizes for your son. You then can replace this with the meat.

I also find there are lots of things where you can make a sauce that is veggie based, portion off then add meat for you. Eg meatballs (veggie meatballs for him and not for you - the Linda McCartney ones are good). Same for burgers and curry. I would also talk to DS about the impact and expect him to help in the kitchen.

OP, you're right, it's really tough. But if he learns to cook a bit himself, it should hopefully be possible to accommodate everyone. But I know it's really frustrating when some people always assume everyone can tolerate a vegetarian diet because it is a Good Thing, and therefore it is a Good Thing for everybody.

@HallieKnight, honestly, as somebody with a bowel condition - it really isn't the case that 'you have non meat meals all the time and don't even think about it' - you are always hyper-aware of what you eat, and you don't somehow eat food you can't tolerate without noticing - that's a thing you only think when you're not dealing with this type of condition at this level of severity day-in, day-out.

YABU Sorry OP. My mother had to adapt meals just for me, or else provide something alternative when I decided to switch as a child.

It wasn’t easy but once your mind switches...

@NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom

So typical weekly menu: Chile con carne (minus the beans) Toad in the hole and cauliflower cheese Thai baked chicken and rice Roast dinner Kedgeree Homemade minestrone soup/stew with bread (this is veggie) Basque chicken (like paella but with chicken)

So, my suggestions for vegetarian options would be:

Chile con carne (minus the beans) - use soy mince and beans in DS's version, you make a meat version for yourself, and then cook rice for everyone.
Toad in the hole and cauliflower cheese - fine, just use vegetarian sausages for DS's portion
Thai baked chicken and rice - just get some vegetarian grills or something for DS - he can have vegetarian "burgers" or something with his rice.
Roast dinner - just buy a single portion of nut roast or whatever for him to have with the usual roast dinner. Vegetable gravy for him is easy enough too.
Kedgeree - you could just do something different for him that night. Pesto pasta, for example, is really quick and easy to make. You can add cherry tomatoes or peas for extra veg.
Basque chicken (like paella but with chicken) - can you do a vegetarian version for him? So soy pieces or something instead of the chicken, or just vegetables instead?

Linda McCartney do a great range of varied veggie foods, so do most supermarkets in their frozen food section and they tend to by soya rather than quorn so might be an option for the whole family. Also is it worth considering pescatarian as a middle ground if you're worried about protein?

or he could go pescitarian?

@NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom if you're on Instagram follow dr.alandesmond - he's a gastroenterologist who promotes plant based eating and has a lot of experience with inflammatory bowel disease.

I am vegetarian and I would avoid the meat substitutes. They are often processed and hard to digest. I also have some intolerance to beans and lentils, although I can tolerate if these are soaked and sprouted and then cooked.

Nuts (soaked overnight) and eggs are my staples along with loads of vegetables. I also have fresh goats or sheep’s cheese in moderation.

I think substituting veg version. Of the meat can be a bit boring. It takes effort, but veg stir fries with cashews and fried egg on top, veg soups and veg Thai and Indian curries with eggs and vegetables can be delicious and with loads of protein. Also perhaps peanut butter on toast in the morning.

I talked my DS out of it at 9. Explained I only bought local / free range / high welfare meat. He eventually went veggie as a teenager. He's now 22 and living at home atm.
It's remarkably easy to cater for veggie and meat meals at the same time. In addition we all eat veggie a couple of times a week.
I just cooked a Sunday dinner. I throw in some veggie sausages with the roast potatoes, i'm careful not to mix spoons and I make a jug of veggie gravy. No extra effort really.
I batch cook a lot and will make a veggie version of whatever. Example I made a veggie goulash a few weeks ago. Tomorrow I'll make a pork goulash from scratch, heat up a portion of the veggie one from the freezer and serve with rice.

Honestly in your situation I would just cook normally and support him to do his own veggie bits. You work FT, two of you have health issues which are exacerbated by certain foods and is already a strain on what you can/can't eat. If he is really serious he can educate himself with your support and make his own meals.

Check out the BBC good food recipe for black bean chilli. You could make it in bulk, freeze individual portions

I think you could accommodate DS being veg if he's ok with eating the same meals more often so you're not always gavingvto cook separately for him

Also quinoa is very high in protein and delicious cooked with some roasted veg

It's a myth that vegetarians have to work hard to eat enough protein. Vegetables, cheese, eggs and yoghurt are all good sources of protein that aren't very controversial.

From your typical meals I'd say
Chile con carne (minus the beans) - take a bit out before you add the mince or just make another little portion in a separate pan without meat as you're cooking. Add extra cheese to his if you're worried about protein.
Toad in the hole and cauliflower cheese - make a little separate toad with a veggie sausage or cut him a piece of the Yorkshire from the main dish with a veggie sausage you've cooked in the oven while the main dish is cooking
Thai baked chicken and rice - cook him something easy and quick to eat with the rice instead of chicken - again veggie sausages or burgers are really good for things like this
Roast dinner - my DS won't eat the nut roast so I Chuck a veggie sausage roll in the oven and he has that with all the veggies
Kedgeree - no idea what this is tbh but I'm sure a quick pasta pesto meal won't kill you to make
Homemade minestrone soup/stew with bread (this is veggie)
Basque chicken (like paella but with chicken) - again make a small portion on the side without the chicken and add something else to his, maybe hard boiled egg?

Will he eat all the beans and pulses etc necessary to be properly healthy? If so I suppose you could get him cool his own meals alongside you cooking for the rest of the family. Might put him off quite quickly.

When my daughter was 3 she was not happy about eating animals, I spoke to the Gp about it, he was very much of the opinion that this could be part of her ethics system. Did I want make her ethical choices not important enough to respect, and how would I expect her to respect my choices. We had about 6 months where she didn’t eat meat, but she does now. I fully expect her to go vegetarian again at some point as she does ask lots of questions and when she can do the research for herself and see with open eyes what it entails.

Don’t let it become something big, accept it, buy in a few easy work arounds. Maybe pay for additional school lunches and then he can have sandwiches picnic tea a few evenings a week?

Honestly if you let him do this for a while he’ll probably be over it in a few months. DD1 (11) decided she wanted to be veggie, was a pain in the ass tbh but I made a few more veggie dinners for all of us and swapped in Linda McCartney bits for her the rest of the time. She soon decided her meals were nicer with meat

Your son will probably get MORE vitamins/minerals by replacing things like red meat with more plant based foods. Your family eat a lot of meat and maybe this could be a time for you all to explore more plant based meals which is great for your health!
Toad in the hole would be easy, just replace the the pork sausages with veggie ones. On a roast dinner serve everyone else the meat and serve DS all the usual sides plus some sort of veggie replacement.
Soy mince is okay for chilli.
Soup you’re already on to a winner!
Veggie stir fries and curries are super easy and if the rest of the family is insistent on eating meat could always cook it separately and add to the sauce at the end after serving up DSs portion.
I really do think that forcing a child to eat dead animals when they’ve expressed it upsets them is cruel, and I’m a meat eater myself!

was just going to post the same adaptations @pattypan! plus jacket potatoes with baked beans for those what can. also, will he stil l be eating fish? lol maybe you need to learn to love the quorn, out of interest when was the last time u had it? its improved over the years!

One of my children has been vegetarian since 9. I just cook the same as for everyone else but leave out the meat and occasionally use a meat replacement. Its nore fiddly at first but you get used to it.

@midnightstar66

Will he eat all the beans and pulses etc necessary to be properly healthy? If so I suppose you could get him cool his own meals alongside you cooking for the rest of the family. Might put him off quite quickly.

Beans and pulses are not a requirement for vegetarian health My DS won't eat either unless it's Heinz baked beans and he's in rude health.

I think you should try and support him with this OP. My DD was veggie for 2 years before cracking and scoffing crispy duck! But the point is, he needs to be allowed to be listened to and exercise some basic choices. I appreciate you rear animals as a living, but really as a society we ought to be trying to avoid making meals so centred around a single meat ingredient...our plates ought to be more diverse with meat eaten as a treat rather than the main staple ingredient.

Just to echo the various suggestions that other people have made for substitution. Eg toad in the hole. Just do sausage separately and throw in a couple of veggie ones.

For chilli before you add the mince take out a couple of spoonfuls and add soya - or everyone can have the soya

Paella he can just have vegetable paella and cook the chicken separately

Your family eat a lot of meat and maybe this could be a time for you all to explore more plant based meals which is great for your health!

Not if you have Inflammatory Bowel Disease or similar conditions. Also problematic for people with stomas. Problematic for people with part of their digestive tract missing or j-pouches. Problematic for people whose bowel has been damaged by cancer treatment. Problematic for people with a scarred digestive tract or strictures.

I get where you are coming from, but I couldn’t make my child eat meat.

Whilst you are cooking have him next to you making his own veggie version. You make meat chilli he makes chilli with lots of beans. You make toad in the hole he puts the batter over his own veggie sausages etc. Use it as a teaching thing.

Also once or twice a week all eat veggie and support his choices