Child wants to be vegetarian

[NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom]

A bit of a tough one. My youngest (9) wants to be vegetarian because he doesn’t want to eat animals as it makes him sad. We’ve raised animals for meat all his life but for some reason, seeing the Christmas turkeys in their field on his way to and from school each day is making him really upset.

My problem is that in order to ensure he gets a decent amount of protein and the vitamins/minerals that he currently gets from meat, I’m going to have to do a lot of extra cooking just for him. I have Crohn’s, and so does my eldest, so we can’t eat most beans/pulses and many other foods that are common in a vegetarian diet. Also, none of us can tolerated Quorn!

I will have to cook two separate meals every day in order to accommodate my DS becoming veggie. He grows like a weed and is always on the go so he’s really quite skinny so can’t afford to lose any weight.
I’m not against vegetarianism in the slightest - we’d have veggie meals more often as a family if my DD and I could stomach them. We try to counteract this by eating meat that is either raised by us or ethically sourced.

DH and I work full time so don’t have time to be cooking two separate meals every night. I also suffer with chronic fatigue due to my Crohn’s so generally use the weekends to try and recover from my working week.

AIBU to try and persuade my DS to hold off being veggie until he’s a bit older?

@mbosnz

But wouldn't that come down to 'respecting his choice'? I mean, it's just another pot or pan, a simple switch. . .

Are you talking to me? No it wouldn't, because I'm a vegan, I don't cook or buy meat. Are you being obtuse deliberately? A meat eater preparing vegetarian food isn't compromising their ethics. A vegan preparing meat is.

CodenameVillanelle

It’s a significant extra workload, not necessarily a big one. To a well person it might not sound like much, but to the OP it does and she has good reason for that.

DH and I are not vegetarian. DD decided from a very young age that eating animals was not for her.
We've found it reasonably easy to accommodate this. She likes quite plain food and will eat cheese, eggs and dairy.
Her preferences have shifted a little bit and she will eat fish.
We generally eat a similar meal but DD doesn't eat the meat part. DH cooks quite a lot of meat free meals too which work for more of us.
A typical example might be pasta with tomato sauce, we might add bacon or chicken and DD will have sauce and parmesan.

Ooh vet, very interesting.

Nice recipes although too much of tinned this and that for my comfort. And a bit too much of carb, but I guess that’s ok for kids.

Reminds me a bit of a 70s style of cooking though. Bit of a shame as there are amazing Korean, Thai, Japanese, Middle Eastern and other veg cuisines that are delicious without using butter and cheese as a crutch for flavour. Eg, Ottolenghi’s flavours work for kids and adults.

Plus not that keen on processed veg sausages etc. So easy instead to make amazing homemade burgers fresh every week depending on the veg available.

none of us can tolerated Quorn!
So you cant or dont want to eat Quorn but you wont accept that your child doesn't want to eat dead animals. Why do you assume being vegetarian means anyone has to eat Quorn?

I will have to cook two separate meals every day
Not really, its just a small adjustment to adding the meat/veggie option to the meal at the end. Not 2 entirely separately meals. Just take a walk down the veggie isle in the supermarket, their is a gazillion options.

he’s really quite skinny so can’t afford to lose any weight
Why would he lose weight? That is just an outdated stereotype.

we’d have veggie meals more often as a family if my DD and I could stomach them

Do you really only ever eat meat?

don’t have time to be cooking two separate meals every night
Its not two separate meals every night and I am sure your child will be happy to help cook.

@flaviaritt

CodenameVillanelle

It’s a significant extra workload, not necessarily a big one. To a well person it might not sound like much, but to the OP it does and she has good reason for that.

I do wonder why working full time precludes the OP's DH from taking on this 'significant' extra workload since the OP is quite understandably feeling overwhelmed by it...

Batch cooking sounds like it could be a good option for you OP to save effort and washing up? That way you could make him stuff that you and DD can’t have and just bung it in the microwave. Chilli, lentil Bolognese, dal, veg curry, tagine, stew etc freeze really well or will last for a few days in the fridge if he doesn’t mind eating the same thing a few days in a row.
I don’t have the Crohns complication but I am incredibly short of time (both work full time long hours plus I go to evening university) and manage to cook vegan and omnivorous meals simultaneously. I do have a dishwasher though!

@newstart1337

Yes I mainly eat meat based meals for various reasons I’ve posted throughout the thread.

We can’t eat Quorn, none of us can. It makes us feel very sick or throw up. Possibly an allergy, I’m not sure. We didn’t mind the taste or texture of the mince but can’t eat it. We’ve tried other alternatives but haven’t liked the texture. One DD has ASD so is very sensitive to textures, particularly around food, and I’m quite similar.

None of us are keen on tofu or soya (except the actual beans).

I do wonder why working full time precludes the OP's DH from taking on this 'significant' extra workload since the OP is quite understandably feeling overwhelmed by it...

Well, in our house, I have to say my DH would struggle to be in a meeting at the same time as cooking dinner.

@CodenameVillanelle

It doesn’t preclude him but he works long hours - often works away or gets home well after children’s bedtimes. When he’s here at weekends, he does lots of the outside jobs that need doing that I can’t do (we have a small holding). He’s certainly not sat twiddling his thumbs whilst I try and struggle on.

@Trut

Ooh vet, very interesting.

Nice recipes although too much of tinned this and that for my comfort. And a bit too much of carb, but I guess that’s ok for kids.

Reminds me a bit of a 70s style of cooking though. Bit of a shame as there are amazing Korean, Thai, Japanese, Middle Eastern and other veg cuisines that are delicious without using butter and cheese as a crutch for flavour. Eg, Ottolenghi’s flavours work for kids and adults.

Plus not that keen on processed veg sausages etc. So easy instead to make amazing homemade burgers fresh every week depending on the veg available.

Do you mean the vegsoc link? I don't think it's claiming to be the best veg food - it's simple quick recipes for kids.

I have all of Ottolenghi's books myself but not sure how relevant or useful mentioning them would be to the OP so I'm trying to give her supportive constructive advice that she can easily incorporate rather than play vegetarian top trumps with recipes that's don't fit her lifestyle.

Plus not that keen on processed veg sausages etc. So easy instead to make amazing homemade burgers fresh every week depending on the veg available

What bullshit. I'm all for supporting her ds, but experimenting with Korean veggie cuisine and making veggie burgers from scratch is precisely what she does not have the time or energy for.

I have a vegetarian in the family and I cant eat alot of quorn, I do however cook one meal for us all, there are plenty of delicious meals in the world that do not require meat or quorn

A lot of meals can be split before you add the meat. There are also lots of prepared vegi meals you can stock up on.

I totally understand how you feel with your chronic fatigue, I suffer from several auto immune diseases and struggle with my digestive system I also have 3 fussy kids, one with multiple food allergies and make different meals most days. You just have to find a balance with nutrition and your energy levels.

Some easy options..

Batch make pizza dough, roll them into individual balls before freezing or buy pizza bases, your son can make his own pizzas. My 3yo makes her own, I give her the tomato pure, and potion up her herbs & vegan cheese (she has a dairy allergy). She likes just cheese and tomato but your son could add what he wants.
Baked potatoes and beans or cheese, Chuck some veggies on. If your preparing them anyway just put them to one side & sauté them before adding them on top.
Eggs - scrambled/fried/omelet served in their own, with veg, chips, mash... Chuck a cup of rice in with some fried eggs & veg and you have egg fried rice...
When making a roast just Chuck a veggie burger/veggie fingers/sausage in the oven while it’s cooking then he can eat the same as the rest of you except the meat.

There are lots of things you can do to accommodate his needs without too much additional work. Even get him to do it himself.

One of ours decided to become veggie aged 7, with strong and well articulated reasons. We decided it was important to respect that. He still is mainly veggie 3 years on and it’s no problem at all to just swap his main meal with a quorn sausage, egg or mushrooms and we all have the same veg etc but he will occasionally have fish. It’s made the redt of us think more about making meat free choices too and think we’re healthier for it. He tends to do quite a bit of the cooking too, perhaps yours could pitch it more to make sure it doesn’t make extra work fir you? Vegan would be much more difficult but we’ve found him giving up just meat really isn’t difficult.

@mbosnz

Those who are vegetarian - if your children stated that they wished to eat meat, would you respect their choice?

Absolutely, yeah. Would, and did. I'm happy (for ethical, health and ease for me reasons) that my children are veggie now, but I didn't push it on them, because I wanted to teach them to respect people's choices.

@Calligraphy572

Plus not that keen on processed veg sausages etc. So easy instead to make amazing homemade burgers fresh every week depending on the veg available

What bullshit. I'm all for supporting her ds, but experimenting with Korean veggie cuisine and making veggie burgers from scratch is precisely what she does not have the time or energy for.

Trying a new recipe can be hard the first couple of times, but much easier after.

Perhaps Op doesn’t have the bandwidth to cook different types of meals. But her DS might? There is no reason to limit his imagination and choices. Honestly there is far more to veg meals than Quorn, processed meat substitutes, baked potato, pasta and pizza.

I found that ordering some meal preparation kits (I can’t remember which one, but they gave all the ingredients to make the veg dishes) was a great way to experiment.

Honestly, food doesn’t have to be a drudgery. It can be a real joy spending half an hour to an hour preparing a nice meal. And again, at least give ds an opportunity to try it out. And if not, he can fall back on pasta, pizza and veg sausages

Yes I mainly eat meat based meals for various reasons I’ve posted throughout the thread.

I did read all you posts. I get you have meat in all your meals, that is not the same as only eating meat. As others have said it quiet simple to adjust your type of meals so as to produce a veggie serving.

And nobody has to eat Quorn, why do you keep implying being vegetarian means you or you child will have to eat that stuff?

I voted YANBU, OP, as a lot of these suggestions are basically “oh just make two different versions of every single meal” or “he eats veggie burgers/ pizzas/ sausages instead”, neither of which are good advice, imo.

I think @TicTacTwo made some good points. I’d say, yes give it a go, but honestly... a lot of the prep and planning and cooking and tidying up goes to your DS. If he’s old enough to make this decision then he’s old enough to help facilitate it.

I really wish you luck, it’s a tough situation to be in.

This is a 9 year old child, I can't believe how many people are suggesting he gets his own meals.
I think you want to agree but I understand how difficult you think it will be.
Now this might not be very palatable to the vegetarians but about a compromise? I say this because if you say no he may look back and resent the fact that you didn't listen.
He can eat less meat, vegetarian some of the time but not every day?

I wanted to go veggie at a similar age. That weekend my mum cooked roast lamb... I couldn't resist.
At such a young age you may find it is a very temporary phase so I would be supportive and see how he does over a week or two, then reassess.

DD3 wanted to be vegetarian for a while. She wasn't really an ethical veggie, though, it was more a dislike for the taste/texture of some meats. I would cook as normal, then say "DD3 are you on meat or off meat today?"

Generally now, she eats meat. Having said that, I don't tend to cook with pork much, as that is particularly unpalatable to her.

I think you do need to respect his feelings. Could he have the option to eat or not eat the meat component of the meal?

@tyzz
Unfortunately I think it’s an all or nothing decision for him. I think I’m going to let him give it another go but make sure he has a big part in the extra cooking and cleaning up that’s going to result.
When you’re an adult and you decide you want to be vegetarian, it has zero impact on any other human being except yourself. When you are a child and make that decision, it has an impact on the rest of the family too, irrespective of your reasons for that decision. When that impact is adding a load onto an already struggling family member it needs to be seriously considered. I doubt many people on this thread have chronic illness but I would politely ask those who are insisting that there’s no extra workload for me to go and look up Spoon Theory. Perhaps then you might understand how difficult it is just to get through one day at a time and you might get why ‘just one more pan’ might be the straw that broke the camel’s back. The added mental load of trying to make sure that my DS is eating a broad and balanced diet is huge on top of an already precarious pile of things to think about.

@Iamuhtredsonofuhtred

Honestly if you let him do this for a while he’ll probably be over it in a few months. DD1 (11) decided she wanted to be veggie, was a pain in the ass tbh but I made a few more veggie dinners for all of us and swapped in Linda McCartney bits for her the rest of the time. She soon decided her meals were nicer with meat

Maybe he will not ‘be over it’ In a few months ? Over what exactly ? Wanting to be a considerate and kind person who feels revolted by meat.

@NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom it sounds like you're trying your very best to respect your DS's decision, whilst balancing everyone else's needs and that should really be applauded. Sorry some people are being a bit harsh here and I'm sorry for that. I have recently become vegetarian myself, but facing the reverse dilemma (my kids and DH are meat eaters). I really don't want my choice to affect them but am finding it is. I am the main cook and so just naturally veer towards vegetarian stuff, which my kids are sometimes unhappy about (they don't always voice it but I know they would prefer a nice chicken pie or something every so often!). So to make life easier I am beginning to cook separate meals sometimes which makes me quite sad as I think there's something quite nice about everyone just sitting down to the same meal. You're totally right, a child making that decision does have an impact on everyone (as my experience as an adult shows!). Hope you find something that works for everyone in the family. I sympathise with your dilemma!