Child wants to be vegetarian

[NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom]

A bit of a tough one. My youngest (9) wants to be vegetarian because he doesn’t want to eat animals as it makes him sad. We’ve raised animals for meat all his life but for some reason, seeing the Christmas turkeys in their field on his way to and from school each day is making him really upset.

My problem is that in order to ensure he gets a decent amount of protein and the vitamins/minerals that he currently gets from meat, I’m going to have to do a lot of extra cooking just for him. I have Crohn’s, and so does my eldest, so we can’t eat most beans/pulses and many other foods that are common in a vegetarian diet. Also, none of us can tolerated Quorn!

I will have to cook two separate meals every day in order to accommodate my DS becoming veggie. He grows like a weed and is always on the go so he’s really quite skinny so can’t afford to lose any weight.
I’m not against vegetarianism in the slightest - we’d have veggie meals more often as a family if my DD and I could stomach them. We try to counteract this by eating meat that is either raised by us or ethically sourced.

DH and I work full time so don’t have time to be cooking two separate meals every night. I also suffer with chronic fatigue due to my Crohn’s so generally use the weekends to try and recover from my working week.

AIBU to try and persuade my DS to hold off being veggie until he’s a bit older?

My 7 year old decided to stop eating meat and fish over a year ago. I didn’t have a choice in it really as she refused to eat meat because she is such an animal lover.

I do keep a stack of vegetarian ready meals in as back up so I don’t always have to adapt our meals. She is happy with that arrangement, and eats lots of fruit and veg and has a multi-vitamin every day, plus she does eat lots of yogurt/cheese/ sometimes eggs for protein. I’m not sure if she might become stricter about these things later but is fine for now.

DD did say one day “Thank you for respecting my choice not to eat meat”. It wouldn’t have occurred to me not to, I’d hate to eat something I had an ethical objection to, so I would never make someone else do it.

@movingondown
Thank you, I appreciate your kind words.

I mean the back up meals so that if we having something I can’t /don’t want to adapt then she picks one of those, and eats that at the same time as we eat ours. M & S do “cauliflower popcorn” which is such a bit that the other DC try and steal it from her

[quote icanseestars]@TicTacTwo would you take feel the need to say/do all that? How about, this is clearly something that matters a lot to you. I'm really impressed that you care enough about something. I'm sure I can find a way to make that work. He's a kid finding his feet with ethics, etc. Get him involved in a fun way.[/quote]
OP is struggling with illness so has a finite amount of energy for cooking. I have a child who has gone through periods of vegetarianism but as a healthy person I can cook 2 meals.

I expected the veggie child to meal plan with me though as I didn't want them to turn their nose up at what I cooked. My kids can be pretty faddy with ingredients eg one minute they can love peppers then the next day proclaim that they don't like them. To get the balance of nutrition/enjoyment right they need to say what they like and don't like.

My kids are very competitive and would find it unfair that they were chopping veggies while siblings were watching tv. The warning was so that it didn't become a source of arguments. OP can't do the extra work so veggie child needs to help too. I've just thought of this but if the other kids are 9ish too perhaps all children should be in the kitchen cooking to help OP. I was focused on minimizing the extra work but maybe there are ways that the children can help her more.

If we were a veggie family and one child wanted meat I'd expect the opposite to happen- especially if cooking meat and fish was too difficult for me. However I have a dishwasher and am healthy so it's not really an issue.

I’d be teaching him to make pasta, jacket potatoes, veggie ‘fish’ fingers ASAP. Cooking two additional meals a day is ridiculous.

YANBU
I only cater to allergy NOT lifestyle choices and fads. If dd wants to be vego, she can do it when she cooking and buying her own food and cleaning up after her cooking
I dont blame you for seeing it as way to much effort considering everything on your plate (excuse the bad unintended pun)

People say one more pan?
One more pan, extra utensils so not to mix vego and non to me is more shit to clean/put away, one or more sides to think about, make sure i dont burn or whatever. For someone like me who finds cooking a chore, id hate it even more

Mince can be replaced with finely chopped mushrooms in most things and aubergine too.

OP, my 12 year old DD recently became a vegetarian. I am fortunate enough to be in good health, but DP and I both work FT in demanding jobs, and we have two younger children (who are fairly fussy eaters but generally like meat based meals), and I have found catering for DD a real pain! I do the kind of adaptations some have described on here - using a common base but then doing a veggie add-on for DD - and still I have found it a big hassle. I do it, but slightly through gritted teeth.

As you rightly say, it adds to the mental load (meal planning now feels nightmarishly complex), and it does take extra time. Given your difficult circumstances I think you would not be at all unreasonable to say that unless he can take on all the additional work, you can't cater to his choice.

My younger son decided to become vegetarian about 10 years ago. We all went vegetarian to make it easier for me. My elder son hated it. At his next hospital appointment my DS2’s gastro consultant suggested it wasn’t a good idea at his age, so we went back to eating meat.
DS2 had an ileostomy due to Chrohns/UC about 5 years ago & I had to adapt to what he couldn’t eat. No pulses, no nuts, only small amounts of mushroom. Fruit is difficult & veg had to be boiled to buggery; some has to be avoided completely. Anything with skin is tricky. Then DS1 went pescatarian.
Yes, you can use substitutes but it’s still a pain. Eg mince-based recipes. Cook onions; brown mince; add tinned toms. Now it’s whether I go to the onion stage & divide 2/3 in one pan & 1/3 in another, then divide the tomatoes the same way, or throw all the tomatoes in one pan, cook with the herbs etc then divide it & effectively boil the mince in the 2/3 of it add the substitute to the other 1/3?
At least kedgeree or fish pie is still an option. All the suggestions for just adding the fish at the end forget that most of the flavour of these comes from using stock/milk that has been flavoured by the cooking of the non-veg thing. So kedgeree becomes rice with boiled egg.

I have to add that DS2 lived away from hone for a while & DS1 & I mostly ate vegetables, quinoa, pulses. It’s just cooking 2 different things now that is a pain.

You can replace kedgeree fish with smoked cheese (the cheap Bavarian stuff in a plastic rind). Works really well. I already do a 2 version 'vedgeree' as DS isn't keen on spices.

At 9 he's nearly old enough to make his own meals, or help you by doing his part. DD (10) has been cooking about 1/4 of the meals during lockdown, she's absolutely loving it. You can now ask her to make meatballs and spaghetti, saag paneer, or a chilli, and she can do it and is always looking up new recipes to try on us. The only thing she doesn't touch is pans of boiling water.

@mbosnz just about the vegan school meals, they've always an option been served. Used be a bloody amazing sausage roll when I was at school and that's over 15 years ago !!! Or a packed lunch

I would ensure ALL of your children are helping with the cooking or clearing up, or it look like you are punishing him for being a vegetarian, which is not a good message at all.

Everything you do now will be remembered, it is clearly something he attaches a great deal of importance to. So don't discriminate because he has chosen to care for animals, don't make him pay in small ways (as my father did) because he has chosen a different path to you - or he will grow up to hate you, and remember your digs as bullying and intimidation. Be respectful of his choices. It is his body, and what he chooses to eat is a matter for him.

You are making an issue out of this, be careful op. One day he will be strapping man you hope will come and see you every now and then, and as a minimum have some residue respect for you as a human being.

Forcing him to eat meat because it is inconvenient for you is a fast track to serious resentment and pain. This is a big deal for him, a big decision. Show some respect.

@Friendsoftheearth

The OP is unwell and really struggling; please try to have some compassion and not post such unkind and inflammatory comments.

I have a similar illness mother thank you, I understand exactly what her issues are, and I am saying this is perfectly easy to accommodate. Even if all she serves are potatoes and vegetables and no substitute whatsoever! A good vitamin and a handful of nuts is hardly difficult for anyone.

You do know a small handful of nuts is the equivalent of an entire cow in terms of protein! There is no need whatsoever to make 'special' dishes. Just cook the usual, and serve minus the meat. End of.

One day he will be strapping man

This is a strange choice of words.

@mbosnz I dont think you can compare a veggie/vegan not wanting to prepare meat with a meat eater not wanting to prepare veggie food - its different. Its more like if one of your children decided they wanted to eat dog and expected you to pay money for dog meat, maybe with nice photos on the pack of the happy little animal before its death, knowing that no matter how 'ethical' it claims to be the dogs have had an unpleasant life and a horrific end, then you had to prepare it into a meal. Maybe some would be fine with that but I think most meat eaters would find it difficult as the idea of eating dogs would be repellent to them. That's how I (and many, many others) feel about all meat. I will occasionally cook it for DH if he does most of the prep, and I will pour chicken nuggets onto a tray for DSD as its literally all she eats and I won't see a child go hungry, but I genuinely couldn't touch meat with my hand, the smell makes me gag and I hate having it near me, I find it really upsetting. Its not about the faff of an extra pan.

I decided to be veggie at the age of 10 and my mum would either just serve me whatever they were having without the meat, or would tell me to find my own food! I ate a lot of pasta with pesto, bread and cheese and potatoes and salad as a result - but it didn't do me any harm, lol!

Btw, I also got into a habit of snacking on nuts for a protein boost - also an option, to source protein outside main meals? High protein yoghurt for breakfast etc is also a good one.

@mbosnz

Those who are vegetarian - if your children stated that they wished to eat meat, would you respect their choice?

We did. They told me that they wanted to eat it and why so they did. I now have the opposite issue to many on this thread where we are vegetarian and I cook meat separately for the dc (or they cook).

Squuekums, so cook everyone the same thing then

I have a veggie partner, the rest of us aren't, although I was for a few years. I make two versions and freeze the rest of his to save a job next time or do something veggie that we can add our own preferences to, like a veggie stew and then do meat sausages and veggie sausages on the side.

Toad in the hole is easy to sub. There's a lot of excellent veggie subs out there that aren't just quorn or lentils.

I think you need to acknowledge that he's autonomously made a decision about what he wants to eat, and it isn't exactly the most complicated thing to accommodate, indeed, he's been eating food that accommodates your diet for years.

indeed, he's been eating food that accommodates your diet for years.

Right. But he hasn’t been doing the meal planning, shopping, cooking or washing up while suffering from a chronic illness.

@midnightstar66

Will he eat all the beans and pulses etc necessary to be properly healthy? If so I suppose you could get him cool his own meals alongside you cooking for the rest of the family. Might put him off quite quickly.

Why are people looking to put him off?