Child wants to be vegetarian

[NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom]

A bit of a tough one. My youngest (9) wants to be vegetarian because he doesn’t want to eat animals as it makes him sad. We’ve raised animals for meat all his life but for some reason, seeing the Christmas turkeys in their field on his way to and from school each day is making him really upset.

My problem is that in order to ensure he gets a decent amount of protein and the vitamins/minerals that he currently gets from meat, I’m going to have to do a lot of extra cooking just for him. I have Crohn’s, and so does my eldest, so we can’t eat most beans/pulses and many other foods that are common in a vegetarian diet. Also, none of us can tolerated Quorn!

I will have to cook two separate meals every day in order to accommodate my DS becoming veggie. He grows like a weed and is always on the go so he’s really quite skinny so can’t afford to lose any weight.
I’m not against vegetarianism in the slightest - we’d have veggie meals more often as a family if my DD and I could stomach them. We try to counteract this by eating meat that is either raised by us or ethically sourced.

DH and I work full time so don’t have time to be cooking two separate meals every night. I also suffer with chronic fatigue due to my Crohn’s so generally use the weekends to try and recover from my working week.

AIBU to try and persuade my DS to hold off being veggie until he’s a bit older?

Those who are vegetarian - if your children stated that they wished to eat meat, would you respect their choice?

He also doesn’t want to do his homework and wants us to buy him a games console because ‘everyone else has one’ - should I respect his choices over that too?

Our job as parents is to make choices for our children so that they can grow to be the very best they can be. Sometimes that means making choices for them that they don’t agree with

Oh dear OP are you not getting the responses you wanted? I'm guessing you wanted us all to say "he's too young to have an opinion" and "make him eat what you cook".
Sorry but you'll end up with him resenting you if you make him do this.

@Iwonder08

OP, do try to talk to him about animal welfare, how important it is, that you buy only meat from the farms where animals live a happy life. Talk to him about what would happen to all the cows if human stopped eating them as nobody would look after them and they would become extinct. Explain there is no cruelty in eating ethically sourced animals. Suggest maybe skipping turkey if that's what triggered him. Explain to him a bit of evolution and how human are designed to eat meet. If all that fails I would introduce him to cooking. 9 yo who is truly passionate about his good should be able to cook for himself

So basically.... lie?

@mbosnz

Those who are vegetarian - if your children stated that they wished to eat meat, would you respect their choice?

Absolutely I'm veggie and have both veggie and meat eating DC.

My daughter was veggie and I eat meat. She was Ok with me cooking her veggie alternatives in the same pan/casserole dishes as me. So for example toad in the hole - put in veggie sausages for your son. Casseroles, add veggie alternatives for your son. Strictly speaking it’s not 100% veggie if the veggie sausages are affected by the juices from the meat sausages etc but it’s a compromise and it means he doesn’t have to put meat in his mouth which is more upsetting to someone who doesn’t want to eat animals - he probably won’t think about things like cooking oils etc/fats/gravy/cheese being made with rennet etc until he’s older. Have you tried tofu and paneer? Veggie bacon is easy and quick to cook separately and veggie burgers/veggie fish fingers etc - things you can just put in the oven to cook at the same time as the non-veggie versions but in a separate pan if necessary. Tofu can be a very good substitute in a lot of tomato based meals - like chile non carne, bolognese sauce etc. I marinade it over night with onion and garlic and tomato’s so it takes on the other flavours - I crumble the tofu so it looks like mince. It works really well and then I batch freeze it and then add other ingredients/herbs and spices when defrosted according to the final dish. Roast dinners he can have the same veg etc as the rest of the family and just cook his quote fillet in the oven at the same time. I take it he can eat quorn even though you and your daughter can’t. It really isn’t too time consuming to do a veggie alternative if you can cook it alongside what the rest of the family is eating. If he wants veggie gravy ask him to help out with making his own gravy or helping by washing up the extra dishes created. If you involve him in the meals plans/cooking/preparation etc he might enjoy it and learn a lot from it. Good luck.

“Those who are vegetarian - if your children stated that they wished to eat meat, would you respect their choice?“

Of course. I keeps separate meat pans for DH and the animals and we have different sections on the BBQ for veg and meat.

I have recently discovered the air fryer for roasting veg. Delicious and usually under 12 minutes and soooo tasty! Most days I have a big plateful of mixed roasted veg, liberally sprinkle olive oil and seeds and nuts, have a couple of fried or soft boiled eggs and a small bit of carb on the side.

There are lots of suggestions for substitutes. I have a ten year old vegetarian and cook many meals which I adapt similar to other posts.

What I find handy is to buy paninis, seeded bagels or bread and fillings and he can make his own toasted sandwiches in a panini maker, which he loves. Mozzarella, cherry tomatoes, pesto, falafels, cheddar, avocado, hummus, halloumi etc. Or I make them, very low effort.

Protein really isn't a worry if he will eat some cheese, eggs/ milk. Meat certainly isn't necessary :)

We are a mixed eating family..including Ulcerative Colitis and a veggie.. and it really is not an issue to adapt staple meals.. for the meat eaters I bung in meat at the last moment (or separate off some of the chilli/bolognaise/curry sauces before chucking the meat in ). Sometimes I have Linda McCartney stuff... the veggie sausages are nice as are the mozzeralla burgers. I do use quorn in spag bol (for everyone) .

But there are so many meals without meat, that your son could learn to do that are not any hassle.. nothing wrong with a jacket potato cheese and beans for tea..great protein. Egg and beans on toast... etc. Every day doesn't need a meat and two veg style meal .

I genuinely don't think it's difficult..and I hate cooking. But as your son doesn't need meat and doesn't want it either, I think it's fair to let him not eat it if he doesn't want to. It's not like choosing to do homework, its a visceral response!

You don't raise meat. You raise animals.

Meh, I went veggie at 9.

My dad was a single dad who couldn’t cook. Quorn tasted like plastic and you couldn’t buy 10% of the products you can today. So yes YABU in saying it’s just too awkward to accommodate.

I have other siblings and he often made different dinners. You can adapt a lot of things or just leave the meat out, substitute it or give extra portions of veg / pasta / cheese etc.

Free range is obviously better for those animals but it’s still eating animals - which he doesn’t want to do.

What you’re effectively telling him is that your needs trump his.

And the comment about protein is incorrect as I’m sure many people will have commented on already

He also doesn’t want to do his homework and wants us to buy him a games console because ‘everyone else has one’ - should I respect his choices over that too?

Are you seriously equating forcing your child to eat meat with refusing to buy a games console? If you think those things are equivalent then i'm not really sure how to start explaining the difference. You might want to review basic ethics. You sound incredibly ignorant.

Our job as parents is to make choices for our children so that they can grow to be the very best they can be. Sometimes that means making choices for them that they don’t agree with.

Then surely part of your job is about showing respect for the ethics of others even if it's inconvenient for you?

Can you please explain how being vegetarian would hinder his ability to 'be the very best he can be' please @NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom ?

@NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom. Sorry just read that you can’t stomach tofu but if you crumble it and marinade it then it tastes much nicer or you could prepare in advance and freeze for your son to have when the rest of the family have chile or bolognese. Paneer cooked in the same way is also very good.

Couldn't you batch cook and freeze veggie meals for him so you're not having to cook two separate meals every night?

@Iwonder08
Explain there is no cruelty in eating ethically sourced animals.

You'll have a hard job getting past the killing bit with that. Jesus.

He also doesn’t want to do his homework and wants us to buy him a games console because ‘everyone else has one’ - should I respect his choices over that too?
I hope you’re being obtuse, but surely you can see the difference between something that is his bodily autonomy and is affecting him ethically and morally, and him not wanting to do homework.

Yes shouldn’t be the answer to everything, but he has expressed he is upset by eating meat, it seems quite distressing to keep feeding him (a lot) of meals consisting of it when they can be quite easily subbed or replaced with meals that don’t take much to make. And if the rest of the family are eating meals to accommodate your Chrons then I think I would afford my child the opportunity to eat a diet he isn’t upset by.

@shinygreenelephant, that's so upsetting! My dd decided last year at age 5 she didn't want to eat meat anymore, and we rolled with it, assuming it would just be a phase... A year on and she's still veggie, and I don't see her changing her mind. We remind her regularly that she's perfectly entitled to change her mind, it's her body, and her choice what she eats. It was tough to begin with, but we've adjusted now, and all of us eat mainly veggie meals, we will occasionally have fish, and Dh will sometimes choose to eat meat if we go out for food, but DD is very strict and won't even eat sweets with gelatine. I'm immensely proud of how compassionate she is, to become vegetarian due to her love of animals. She used to love meat, and sometimes says she misses eating chicken, and when we remind her that she can if she wants to, she says, she'd never want to as it would make her feel too sad.
Can you all have lentils? They make such a good base substitute for spagbol, shepherds pie, chilli etc. If not, maybe try the supermarket brand soya mince? You can just keep it in the freezer and when making those times of meals, set some of the sauce aside and dish up ds seperately. Roast is easy without meat, we'll do a Quorn roast, or veggie sausages (can't best the Linda McCartney rosemary and onion ones!) Or just do extra veggies, cauliflower cheese, or a veggie pie for ds, and the rest of you can still have meat. Pizzas, easy meal to make veggie options, pasta, again, an easy option to make completely veggie, or add meat at the end once ds is plated up. Sausage and mash, again, I'd try out some of the frozen options and see which he prefers, and you can then do meat for yourselves and ds can have the veggie ones. Does he like Halloumi? This is great to add to a veggie burger, or to have instead of fish/steak and chips... Halloumi egg and chips is great! It can seem quite daunting to begin with but we've adjusted surprisingly well accomodating DD, and actually we all eat a far more varied and exciting, balanced diet now. I really don't think you should tell your son he has to eat meat though... I can imagine the internal struggle that would create, being forced to do something that completely goes against your morals, could lead to issues in the future as it's really invalidating his obviously strong feelings towards a very emotive issue.

@Veterinari

He also doesn’t want to do his homework and wants us to buy him a games console because ‘everyone else has one’ - should I respect his choices over that too?

Are you seriously equating forcing your child to eat meat with refusing to buy a games console? If you think those things are equivalent then i'm not really sure how to start explaining the difference. You might want to review basic ethics. You sound incredibly ignorant.

Our job as parents is to make choices for our children so that they can grow to be the very best they can be. Sometimes that means making choices for them that they don’t agree with.

Then surely part of your job is about showing respect for the ethics of others even if it's inconvenient for you?

Can you please explain how being vegetarian would hinder his ability to 'be the very best he can be' please @NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom ?

I didn’t say that being vegetarian would stop him being the best he can be. I’m saying that children can’t always be expected to make their own decisions all the time.

I'd say ok but he'll need to research the meals add the ingredients to the list and cook them. Under some supervision while you are cooking but he's not to add extra to your workload.

He'll work it out. I can't eat much in the way of carbs with IBS. we do eat a massive amount of veg so in our house most days it'd be ok but still an extra annoying consideration.

It’s a moral choice.

Imagine that you are church goers and then he decides that he doesn’t want to go. Do you force him or do you respect his choice?

Or the other way round, if you were not religious and he said that he wanted to go to church would you support him.

I would say yes as long as he understood that

1. he's going to have to sit and meal plans with you. His siblings don't have to do this because they eat what you decide

2. he's going to have to cook more then his siblings. For example on roast day he'll have yo get a couple of veggie sausages out of the freezer and cook them in time

3. those days that he cooks might be school days when he's tired. Again, his siblings don't have to do this because they aren't veggie

4. he is going to have to help clear up the extra pans used for veggie food if you don't have a dishwasher.

5. he will have to give up weekend time to batchcook.

It sounds like a lot of the dinners can be made veggie eg the toad in the hole with veggie sausages but it might be good for your son to learn some other simple meals too eg stir fries, egg fried rice, soups with cheese on toast...

@mbosnz

Those who are vegetarian - if your children stated that they wished to eat meat, would you respect their choice?

yes but as a mostly vegetarian family I wouldn't go to a special effort to change my habits backwards (we were previously all carnivores). However I would not mind at all what they ate when out the house and would probably find some sustainably sourced meat occasionally.

@NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom

You literally typed
Our job as parents is to make choices for our children so that they can grow to be the very best they can be. Sometimes that means making choices for them that they don’t agree with.

If you weren't referring to vegetarianism impacting in his ability to be the best he could be then why use this argument in the thread?

If you agree that vegetarianism doesn't impact his ability to be the best he can be then what's the problem with supporting it?

No one has said that you must respect ALL of his choices, just that it would be sensible to respect this one. You're the one taking examples to the extreme - why is that?

Nobody is saying he should get to make his own decisions all the time.

@TicTacTwo

I would say yes as long as he understood that

1. he's going to have to sit and meal plans with you. His siblings don't have to do this because they eat what you decide

2. he's going to have to cook more then his siblings. For example on roast day he'll have yo get a couple of veggie sausages out of the freezer and cook them in time

3. those days that he cooks might be school days when he's tired. Again, his siblings don't have to do this because they aren't veggie

4. he is going to have to help clear up the extra pans used for veggie food if you don't have a dishwasher.

5. he will have to give up weekend time to batchcook.

It sounds like a lot of the dinners can be made veggie eg the toad in the hole with veggie sausages but it might be good for your son to learn some other simple meals too eg stir fries, egg fried rice, soups with cheese on toast...

Reverse that and imagine giving the same advice to a vegetarian parent whose child wanted to eat meat. Nah, didn't think so.

@TicTacTwo
I think that might be the way forward. Plenty of people on the thread (I suspect mainly vegetarians) who are jumping in and saying it’s really easy to substitute this with that etc etc. But it’s not that easy. There’s the extra dishes like you say. The additional mental load too. I don’t want him to feel sad about eating animals and would never force him to eat something he feels he can’t for moral reasons. But I’m struggling on a daily basis with two chronic illnesses (Crohn’s and autoimmune arthritis) plus having to manage my daughter’s Crohn’s and my other daughter’s ASD. It’s already a huge burden for me - I’m off to the GP next week to talk about anti-depressants - and I’m very concerned about the extra work that will fall to me (husband works long hours) when I’m already battling fatigue. If you’ve never suffered with this then you have NO idea how debilitating it can be. Not to mention the worry that DS won’t be getting all his nutritional needs - I already worry about this for DD.