Child wants to be vegetarian

[NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom]

A bit of a tough one. My youngest (9) wants to be vegetarian because he doesn’t want to eat animals as it makes him sad. We’ve raised animals for meat all his life but for some reason, seeing the Christmas turkeys in their field on his way to and from school each day is making him really upset.

My problem is that in order to ensure he gets a decent amount of protein and the vitamins/minerals that he currently gets from meat, I’m going to have to do a lot of extra cooking just for him. I have Crohn’s, and so does my eldest, so we can’t eat most beans/pulses and many other foods that are common in a vegetarian diet. Also, none of us can tolerated Quorn!

I will have to cook two separate meals every day in order to accommodate my DS becoming veggie. He grows like a weed and is always on the go so he’s really quite skinny so can’t afford to lose any weight.
I’m not against vegetarianism in the slightest - we’d have veggie meals more often as a family if my DD and I could stomach them. We try to counteract this by eating meat that is either raised by us or ethically sourced.

DH and I work full time so don’t have time to be cooking two separate meals every night. I also suffer with chronic fatigue due to my Crohn’s so generally use the weekends to try and recover from my working week.

AIBU to try and persuade my DS to hold off being veggie until he’s a bit older?

So typical weekly menu:
Chile con carne (minus the beans) - do a second pan at the same time with different type of beans, or quorn mince if he can tolerate it, I can’t tell the difference and I eat meat.
Toad in the hole and cauliflower cheese - there are some veggie sausages called green cuisine, you could cook with the rest of the families just stick two of these on the end.
Thai baked chicken and rice - left over chill with a different side to the other day.
Roast dinner serve the same but with some veggie sausages, make sure some veg is high protein like sprouts.
Kedgeree - would they still eat fish?
Homemade minestrone soup/stew with bread (this is veggie)
Basque chicken (like paella but with chicken) - separate out before adding the chicken, add fish if they are still willing to eat it, but if not add high protein veg like edamame or kidney beans

There are plenty of soya products available in the shops, and soya really should be included in a vegetarian diet (especially for children) as it is the only pulse that contains all the essential amino acids. Soya milk with cereal or porridge is an ideal breakfast for example. I have been vegetarian for well over 30 years, (I am 70 now) and am very healthy. I put it down to my wholly vegetarian diet.

OP, do try to talk to him about animal welfare, how important it is, that you buy only meat from the farms where animals live a happy life. Talk to him about what would happen to all the cows if human stopped eating them as nobody would look after them and they would become extinct. Explain there is no cruelty in eating ethically sourced animals. Suggest maybe skipping turkey if that's what triggered him. Explain to him a bit of evolution and how human are designed to eat meet.
If all that fails I would introduce him to cooking. 9 yo who is truly passionate about his good should be able to cook for himself

think it's a great idea. I've been veggie/vegan for 35 years and my whole family are now DD has never eaten meat/fish etc. You'd be amazed at how much your health will improve - I haven't had a stomach bug for 35 years. Why do you feel you need meat in your diet? Clean foods cooked from scratch will do wonders.

Why do you think this is related to your vegan diet? I am 41 and have never had a stomach bug. I still remember the one time I was sick once (age 6) - all other episodes have been alcohol related in my teens and early 20's. My dc are huge meat fans - dd1 is well known for her obsession babe likes to gnaw bones clean, neither have ever had a stomach bug in their lives. They are close to being 8 and 11. Nearly 11 year old was sent home from school in August and it was her first afternoon off school ever for illness (extra caution due to covid) . She was back the next day. 8 yo has never been off apart from for holidays

He is interested in cooking - he can make some soups, scrambled eggs, noodles etc. I might get him to do some cooking at the weekend. He did try being veggie a few years ago but only lasted a fortnight and caved over a hot dog at a party (of all the revolting things to stop being veggie for!).

My 6 and 9 year olds are both vegetarian. My 9 year old has been for 18 months. My 6 year old for a year. This came from them, as we are meat eaters.

So, it is little more inconvenient, but once you get into the groove it's ok. If I'm cooking a bolognaise for example I just have 2 pans on the go. Sling the same ingredients into both, until I get to the meat bit, when I substitute for quorn mince or lentils or whatever. I have lots of substitutes in the freezer so we are having a meat and veg type dinner, I just use one of those. When they decided to be vegetarian I said they had to eat what they were given and not be fussy. DD is actually a better eater now than she was before.

I know they are dedicated to it because lots of their favourite sweets have gelatin in and they refuse to eat them. My 6 year old ds will always ask if something is vegetarian before he will eat it! I'm so proud of them both for choosing to do something like this off their own backs and sticking to it, so I do my best to help them with it.

It does really sound like you are up against it though and you wouldn't be wrong to say no. DD asked to be vegan and I didn't let her. I think you have to be really dedicated to ensure a healthy vegan diet for a child and I can't do that. She accepted this and knows that when she is older she can make this decision for herself

YANBU at all. I wonder if you could tell him you will think about it (and hope he moves on) talk to him about what would be possible - maybe that as a family you incorporate a couple of veggie meals every week and he has leftovers from this for two additional meals and pesto pasta with hard boiled eggs for another? Ask him if he can continue to eat a bit of meat or fish because the vitamins are more bioavailable and good for him achieving his full adult height etc. Ultimately make it a conversation not a battle.

He’s old enough to know his own mind, and you should respect his choices.

By the way I speak as a mainly vegetarian mum with two vegetarian teens.

It's really hard OP, if it were just that you didn't like veggie food I would tell you to suck it up but I completely get that simply serving more veggie meals isn't going to work! Despite the extra effort I think I'd try giving it a go, but in simple ways at first to see how serious he is, easy pasta, baked potato and some veggie freezer tapas when subs not really appropriate, all things he can do himself with supervision. My SIL is veggie and my MIL never cooked her anything different, she just picked out the meat and wouldn't mind things like having veggie sausages burgers cooked in the same pan as meat ones (veggie for taste not moral reasons) so I think explain how hard this is going to be but give it a go, it may be a short lived thing. If he's serious about it after a trial the slow cooker/batch cooking is your friend. Good luck!

And I have various irritating reactions to tofu, kidney beans, lentils, nuts except almonds and I hate quorn! So I see your issue.

You are making this so much harder than it needs to be. Cook the same thing you always cook, and substitute the meat with veggie versions. Literally everything can be found, and will be a good source of protein!
Introduce a small handful of nuts and a vitamin.

Absolutely you should not force him to eat meat, you could cause lasting damage to his confidence in your parenting, and long term resentment. Be respectful of his wishes, and make a meal plan to accommodate him. You may need to 'try out' a few veggie options before you find his favourites.

I have chronic illness, and can sometimes cook three different meals around a similar theme. Stick with easy meal recipes and make your life as easy as possible with things that can easily replace meat.

He will actually be healthier in the long run with a plant based diet, and good on him for being such a caring, empathetic young boy - you have clearly raised a wonderful child x

I’d let him, but he might change his mind.
My son decided aged 5. I was convinced he wouldn’t last a week. A bit different in our case as DH is veggie too. I’m not but am happy to eat veggie food most of the time.

Anyway 2 years on and he’s still veggie and broadly I’m pleased I accommodated him. Personally I would prefer if it he ate fish a bit though. Think he’s missing out and I don’t have a problem with properly sustainable fish.

Um, for me, I can respect someone making a choice, and still be extremely reluctant to do the extra work to cater for their choice, and I'd expect them to respect my choice. Given that I was the one they were hoping/expecting would do the extra work to 'respect their choice'.

I became a vegetarian on a Christmas Day - my mum put the turkey on the table and I just knew I couldn't eat meat any more. I said "I can't eat that" and my mum said "Oh god!". My father said "Don't worry, it'll just be a phase". Well that was when I was 15 and the phase has lasted 51 years, the last 20 as a vegan.

@ScotchBunnet

He’s old enough to know his own mind, and you should respect his choices.

He also doesn’t want to do his homework and wants us to buy him a games console because ‘everyone else has one’ - should I respect his choices over that too?

Our job as parents is to make choices for our children so that they can grow to be the very best they can be. Sometimes that means making choices for them that they don’t agree with.

"for some reason, seeing the Christmas turkeys in their field on his way to and from school each day is making him really upset. "

That reason is that he knows that soon they will be killed for the sake of one meal. Your son sounds amazing and compassionate and you should be very proud of him. You definitely should not try to persuade him to eat meat if he doesn't want to.

It's not hard to substitute meat for non-meat.

You can get veggie mince, chicken, sausages .. everything really. So just fill the freezer with some meat alternatives, then do his in a different pan/dish. It's not two separate meals. If you're doing a chilli, do his with Quorn mince and yours with beef mince. If you're doing a roast dinner, just put a bit of Quorn chicken in with yours.

When I was veggie and my dad used to do roast dinners I'd just say I'd have everything bar the meat, so sage and onion stuffing, veggies, potatoes, yorkies and gravy. Fine for me!

Please don't let your child choose.

No, completely ignore his wishes and make him eat dead animals when he doesn't want to. What could possibly go wrong?

Ps my son is happy with the the vegetarian cooked options at school and that makes it a bit easier for me. Sometimes after school he just wants a sandwich.

Holland and Barrett do a dried savoury soya based mince which is really easy to use in sauces (also good if you put too much liquid in.). Keeps for ages in a jar. My daughter has crohns and is fine with it, tho hers isn't too severe a case so might not be ok for you.

My DD had just become vegetarian at a similar age. I don't cook separate meals for her just an adaption, so if we have spaghetti bolognese she has pasta with cheese and peas. Tomorrow night we are having gammon, new potatoes and cauliflower cheese, she'll have the cauliflower cheese as her main with some extra veg and potatoes. I cook her something separate on nights she wouldn't eat our food like a curry for example, but then I do her something simple like pizza or omelette.

I think it's really important to respect their opinions and feelings. I have had long conversations about the things she needs in her diet and she's now trying new things to ensure she gets them. And we give her a good multi vitamin every day.

I think it would be wrong to say to your child no.

But given your condition I can see they you may have more problems with this than most.

So...... not two separate meals but adapted ones.

veg grills and meat grills. Preferably on two separate trays. + spuds + veg.

Meat balls - veg and dead stuff ones, same for fish fingers.

Don’t worry about ‘not enough protein’ even vegans manage to have enough.

Teach your child to cook - useful life skill.

He also doesn’t want to do his homework and wants us to buy him a games console because ‘everyone else has one’ - should I respect his choices over that too?

I think YABU for equating these things with matters of conscience.

Our job as parents is to make choices for our children so that they can grow to be the very best they can be. Sometimes that means making choices for them that they don’t agree with.

But with all due respect, it sounds more like this choice is for you.

This really isn't like brushing your teeth or not doing homework. It's a very visceral process - eating animals, chewing on the meat, reflecting on where they came from. Every day, when you don't want to do it. If you hate the food, it can make you physically sick.

I say all this as a non-vegetarian with no intention of changing my diet.

Please try to accommodate his wishes.