Child wants to be vegetarian

[NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom]

A bit of a tough one. My youngest (9) wants to be vegetarian because he doesn’t want to eat animals as it makes him sad. We’ve raised animals for meat all his life but for some reason, seeing the Christmas turkeys in their field on his way to and from school each day is making him really upset.

My problem is that in order to ensure he gets a decent amount of protein and the vitamins/minerals that he currently gets from meat, I’m going to have to do a lot of extra cooking just for him. I have Crohn’s, and so does my eldest, so we can’t eat most beans/pulses and many other foods that are common in a vegetarian diet. Also, none of us can tolerated Quorn!

I will have to cook two separate meals every day in order to accommodate my DS becoming veggie. He grows like a weed and is always on the go so he’s really quite skinny so can’t afford to lose any weight.
I’m not against vegetarianism in the slightest - we’d have veggie meals more often as a family if my DD and I could stomach them. We try to counteract this by eating meat that is either raised by us or ethically sourced.

DH and I work full time so don’t have time to be cooking two separate meals every night. I also suffer with chronic fatigue due to my Crohn’s so generally use the weekends to try and recover from my working week.

AIBU to try and persuade my DS to hold off being veggie until he’s a bit older?

@underneaththeash

Tell him that you cannot get all the essential amino acids that he needs to promote his growth and the development of his brain through a vegetarian diet. Children think that animals have the same level of consciousness as they do.

When he's fully grown he can choose his own diet.

We're omnivores and need a balanced diet - especially developing children. Please don't let your child choose.

This is simply not true though

I wouldn't punish my child for wanting to be vegetarian by making them shop/cook etc for themselves when no one else in the family has to do so.

It's perfectly easy to cater for veggies and non veggies within the same meal without making too much fuss.

@TicTacTwo would you take feel the need to say/do all that? How about, this is clearly something that matters a lot to you. I'm really impressed that you care enough about something. I'm sure I can find a way to make that work. He's a kid finding his feet with ethics, etc. Get him involved in a fun way.

Well, veggie food is more time consuming to prepare than meat if you are doing it from scratch and not loading up on carb (eg minimising pasta, sandwich type of meals). Sometimes it takes me 15 minutes just to clean and cut a bunch of different veg, chop onion, garlic etc.

Seems fair to ask ds to participate in meal prep and it will help him later if he wants to continue with a veg lifestyle

@veterinari Not saying I agree that OPs DS should be scrubbing his own pans etc but to be fair, if my kids decided they wanted to eat meat they would have to do a lot of that as I cant bear it near me. I'll sometimes cook meat meals but DH will have to eg chop up the chicken in advance so I just pour it into the pan with minimal contact, he then does all clean up on days he's eaten meat because I don't fancy putting my hand in a sink that may have bits of meat floating in it. If my oldest decided to eat meat she would have to do the same, or just eat meat outside the house. I personally think its a bit different though that way round as becoming vegetarian is an ethical / environmental choice and is often a sacrifice to do what you think is right, whereas choosing to eat meat just isn't

@NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom
I’m saying that children can’t always be expected to make their own decisions all the time.

From the day I said I couldn't eat meat any more my Mum cooked vegetarian meals for me, and I will always love her for that. If she'd said No I would still have refused point blank to eat meat - and I would never have forgiven her for not respecting the most important belief in my life.

Baked potato is not more time consuming to prepare than meat!

He has a right to make that decision and you shouldn't encourage to him to question his ethical choices for your convenience.

@Ineedsleepido

I think its good to let them know their opinions are important and that you have listened to him.

True but I think it's also good for DC to know the reality and consequences of things - the impact that these choices would have on OP

I would far rather spend a little longer on cooking than ignore what is obviously an important issue for your son. Could you all go veggie for half the week if so (we do that anyway although none of us are veggie) then the other days combine the meat at the last minute so that you're eating mostly the same thing but he can still go meat free?

“Baked potato is not more time consuming to prepare than meat!”

Yes, but he can’t have baked potato, pasta and sandwiches all the time. That’s not a healthy veg diet.

@mbosnz

Those who are vegetarian - if your children stated that they wished to eat meat, would you respect their choice?

At the age he is now, yes, but he would only be able to eat it at school or at other people's houses, as I would never cook it. He won't though, as he thinks eating dead animals is as revolting as I do

[quote NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom]@TicTacTwo
I think that might be the way forward. Plenty of people on the thread (I suspect mainly vegetarians) who are jumping in and saying it’s really easy to substitute this with that etc etc. But it’s not that easy. There’s the extra dishes like you say. The additional mental load too. I don’t want him to feel sad about eating animals and would never force him to eat something he feels he can’t for moral reasons. But I’m struggling on a daily basis with two chronic illnesses (Crohn’s and autoimmune arthritis) plus having to manage my daughter’s Crohn’s and my other daughter’s ASD. It’s already a huge burden for me - I’m off to the GP next week to talk about anti-depressants - and I’m very concerned about the extra work that will fall to me (husband works long hours) when I’m already battling fatigue. If you’ve never suffered with this then you have NO idea how debilitating it can be. Not to mention the worry that DS won’t be getting all his nutritional needs - I already worry about this for DD.[/quote]
@NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom

The vegetarians are saying it's pretty easy because they have actual direct experience if doing it. It's the omnivores in the thread that are scaremongering and spreading misinformation about nutritional needs (absolutely untrue)
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2912628/

Honestly have a look at the vegetarian society website - it's very informative - if your son eats dairy eggs, nuts and possibly fish then providing balance is very easy

Here are some easy recipes for your son to try
vegsoc.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Veggie-Kids-Kitchen.pdf

You seem to just make out it would be harder work for you. Maybe so but you have to let them make a choice, it isn't going to be hugely different because some things he has you'd be able to eat. I used to buy veggie food and didn't realise for months it was nice haha!

He may not like it to but atLeast you listened to his opinion x

Yes, but he can’t have baked potato, pasta and sandwiches all the time. That’s not a healthy veg diet.

But it can be supplemented very easily with uncooked fruit and veg. So he could have a baked potato with cheese, carrot sticks and sweetcorn, or pasta with tomato sauce and raw peppers on the side. It can be done. He does need to understand that he can’t have a constant stream of home-cooked veg dinners because those will make his already ill mum sicker.

[quote ShinyGreenElephant]@veterinari Not saying I agree that OPs DS should be scrubbing his own pans etc but to be fair, if my kids decided they wanted to eat meat they would have to do a lot of that as I cant bear it near me. I'll sometimes cook meat meals but DH will have to eg chop up the chicken in advance so I just pour it into the pan with minimal contact, he then does all clean up on days he's eaten meat because I don't fancy putting my hand in a sink that may have bits of meat floating in it. If my oldest decided to eat meat she would have to do the same, or just eat meat outside the house. I personally think its a bit different though that way round as becoming vegetarian is an ethical / environmental choice and is often a sacrifice to do what you think is right, whereas choosing to eat meat just isn't[/quote]
Oh I agree - choosing to eat meat isn't an ethical choice. Which makes makes punishing a vegetarian child into doing work and preparation that you don't expect a meat-eating child to do bizarre advice

At the age he is now, yes, but he would only be able to eat it at school or at other people's houses, as I would never cook it.

Thanks for the honest response. So you wouldn't be prepared to go through all the faff of making two different meals, effectively? Of course, that would be on moral grounds.

[quote NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom]@TicTacTwo
I think that might be the way forward. Plenty of people on the thread (I suspect mainly vegetarians) who are jumping in and saying it’s really easy to substitute this with that etc etc. But it’s not that easy. There’s the extra dishes like you say. The additional mental load too. I don’t want him to feel sad about eating animals and would never force him to eat something he feels he can’t for moral reasons. But I’m struggling on a daily basis with two chronic illnesses (Crohn’s and autoimmune arthritis) plus having to manage my daughter’s Crohn’s and my other daughter’s ASD. It’s already a huge burden for me - I’m off to the GP next week to talk about anti-depressants - and I’m very concerned about the extra work that will fall to me (husband works long hours) when I’m already battling fatigue. If you’ve never suffered with this then you have NO idea how debilitating it can be. Not to mention the worry that DS won’t be getting all his nutritional needs - I already worry about this for DD.[/quote]
I fully appreciate that I don't have the same mental load as you do, but I do often make two versions of the meal I'm cooking because I'm vegan and DS is not, or because I like a wider range of veg than he does, or more spicy versions, and it's really not that complicated. I know it probably feels like an extra task you can't be arsed with but you adapted for your and DD's dietary needs, this is really not that different if he's truly serious about not being ok eating meat.

I know it probably feels like an extra task you can't be arsed with but you adapted for your and DD's dietary needs, this is really not that different if he's truly serious about not being ok eating meat.

Not sure how fair that is. The OP isn’t well. This would be a significant extra workload. I do see both sides here.

@mbosnz

At the age he is now, yes, but he would only be able to eat it at school or at other people's houses, as I would never cook it.

Thanks for the honest response. So you wouldn't be prepared to go through all the faff of making two different meals, effectively? Of course, that would be on moral grounds.

I've just posted above in response to the OP but yes I do often make two versions of meals as I'm vegan and DS is vegetarian, and we like different veg. I wouldn't cook him meat because I'm vegan. I've never eaten meat and I'm not about to start buying and cooking it now. I'm sure I don't have to explain why I wouldn't, do I really?

I think that the food you eat or don't is a very personal decision, and not at all like homework or bedtimes or exercise or any of the 100s of decisions best left to the adults at 9 years old. As you and dd have specific dietary needs, albeit for health reasons, you might be more sympathetic to ds's desire to control what he eats.

As previous posters have discussed, it is not too difficult to make veggie versions of your dishes just for ds. I get that his request is an upheaval, but it is a reasonable request and one he has been thinking about for a long time.

Also, someone should tell ds that being veggie isn't all or nothing - it's not a religion and there are no rules to follow. He's 9. If he eats a hot dog at a party, fine. If he eats fish, fine. If he has a bacon butty one day, fine. He can be as veggie or not as he likes and feels able - the veggie police aren't going to show up and shame him. He can be mostly veggie but have turkey at Christmas.

But it 's his decision.

From the day I said I couldn't eat meat any more my Mum cooked vegetarian meals for me, and I will always love her for that. If she'd said No I would still have refused point blank to eat meat - and I would never have forgiven her for not respecting the most important belief in my life.

Same here with my late Dad. He was sooooo strict and huffed and puffed when I became vegetarian at 16. But he cooked every meal for me separately and even enjoyed experimenting with meat alternatives after a while. I don't think I appreciated him at the time but after reading some posts on here I realise he could've been so different. Too late to tell him thanks now.

@flaviaritt

I know it probably feels like an extra task you can't be arsed with but you adapted for your and DD's dietary needs, this is really not that different if he's truly serious about not being ok eating meat.

Not sure how fair that is. The OP isn’t well. This would be a significant extra workload. I do see both sides here.

It wouldn't be a significant extra work load. It would be a very small extra work load. Agree that the OP isn't well and I'm not in her position, but it's really not a lot of extra work. It really isn't.

But wouldn't that come down to 'respecting his choice'? I mean, it's just another pot or pan, a simple switch. . .

@mbosnz

At the age he is now, yes, but he would only be able to eat it at school or at other people's houses, as I would never cook it.

Thanks for the honest response. So you wouldn't be prepared to go through all the faff of making two different meals, effectively? Of course, that would be on moral grounds.

For most vegetarians it wouldn't be about 'faff' it would be about not financially supporting an industry they fundamentally disagree with (whether that's on environmental or animal welfare grounds).

The 'faff' argument would only really apply if you were a vegetarian with no moral discomfort around eating meat e.g. If you simply didn't like the taste. That's a relatively unusual reason for a vegetarian diet choice