Child wants to be vegetarian

[NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom]

A bit of a tough one. My youngest (9) wants to be vegetarian because he doesn’t want to eat animals as it makes him sad. We’ve raised animals for meat all his life but for some reason, seeing the Christmas turkeys in their field on his way to and from school each day is making him really upset.

My problem is that in order to ensure he gets a decent amount of protein and the vitamins/minerals that he currently gets from meat, I’m going to have to do a lot of extra cooking just for him. I have Crohn’s, and so does my eldest, so we can’t eat most beans/pulses and many other foods that are common in a vegetarian diet. Also, none of us can tolerated Quorn!

I will have to cook two separate meals every day in order to accommodate my DS becoming veggie. He grows like a weed and is always on the go so he’s really quite skinny so can’t afford to lose any weight.
I’m not against vegetarianism in the slightest - we’d have veggie meals more often as a family if my DD and I could stomach them. We try to counteract this by eating meat that is either raised by us or ethically sourced.

DH and I work full time so don’t have time to be cooking two separate meals every night. I also suffer with chronic fatigue due to my Crohn’s so generally use the weekends to try and recover from my working week.

AIBU to try and persuade my DS to hold off being veggie until he’s a bit older?

I decided I wanted to be a vegetarian at age 6 because I didn't like meat and also loved animals etc - I have HORRIBLE memories of my parents not taking it seriously and making me sit at the table untill I had finished my dinner. I literally dreaded dinner time

Middle Aged now and still a veggie. My mum has said she feels guilt as it was obviously serious about it

It's not fair to ask him to put it off! Perhaps ask him to help with the cooking?

Yabu. At least speak to your gp for a referral to a dietician who can help find something for everyone. There are vegetarians with Crohns so there will be suitable options.

Yes we do eat a lot of meat but I suffer with anaemia anyway with my Crohn’s, as does my daughter, and we can’t eat iron rich non-meat foods like apricots, spinach etc, or tolerate iron supplements. So we have to get our iron from somewhere.
You appear to have missed my post explaining that we are unable to eat many foods that vegetarians usually eat. That includes pulses and many fruits and vegetables. Living off a plant based diet with Crohn’s is incredibly difficult. None of us can stand tofu either.

Sorry but he is 9 years old, he doesn't get to decide and can't get everything he wants. Of course you should listen to him and genuinely consider it if its a safe and healthy idea , but if you cant due to lack of time, fatigue and your disease then he will need to eat what the rest of the family is eating. As you said, he can start off with veggie breakfast and lunch and you can keep an eye on his weight and ensure he gets sufficient protein etc. If this is something he genuinely wants and not a phase then he will keep it up and try to find ways to make it work. Maybe sign him up to kids cooking class (post covid or online - might even be kids videos on youtube) so that once he is older and its safe he can help with dinner and be vegetarian or whatever he decides

I really do think that forcing a child to eat dead animals when they’ve expressed it upsets them is cruel

Agree... I too would be sad looking at Turkeys that are about to be killed, sorry OP.
The menu you have there is easy to adapt, lots of ideas in this thread... You don't have to eat Quorn either, there are loads of other meat substitutes available. For your chilli, try 'Naked Glory' mince from Tesco.

For nights where you can't think of a way around, have some jacket potatoes and beans, pasta and sauce, soup on standby, and he can help with that himself.

Dont feel guilty OP. You do what you can like all other parents and sometimes saying no is OK. He will be fine

I gave up meat age 10 and stuck to it religiously for over 16 years. I had a dark childhood and am no contact with my mother (whole different story!) but just wanted to point out that even without all the special cooking u seem to think is required, I turned out just fine. I'm a fit and healthy 31 year old with really decent iron levels. I'm veggie again after a break of a couple of years. I cook for myself and also for meat eater daddy and ds and I honestly don't find it challenging at all. I think seeing as you are a big family of meat-eaters / pro-meat perhaps u are convincing yourself it's harder than it really is. I'd listen to the wishes of your son but of course the decision is yours / ds'. It's not like your son is very little - I think he's old enough to decide.

I think it's a great idea. I've been veggie/vegan for 35 years and my whole family are now DD has never eaten meat/fish etc. You'd be amazed at how much your health will improve - I haven't had a stomach bug for 35 years. Why do you feel you need meat in your diet? Clean foods cooked from scratch will do wonders.

We don’t mind the taste - I think we’re all allergic! Two of the kids throw up and the rest of us are very nauseated after we eat it.

@NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom

So typical weekly menu: Chile con carne (minus the beans) Toad in the hole and cauliflower cheese Thai baked chicken and rice Roast dinner Kedgeree Homemade minestrone soup/stew with bread (this is veggie) Basque chicken (like paella but with chicken)

This is super easy to 'vegetarianise' On the chilli night he could hear through a tin of veggie chilli.

Put a piece of tofu in the Thai spices abs bake it, he can have veggie sausages in the toad in the hole. He could have cubed tofu / but cutlet for the roast. He could eat the kedgeree with extra egg and you can flake your fish at the table.

If there are any evenings that really don't tolerate an easy side for him he can have baked potato with cheese / egg Mayo / beans.

I'm a veggie and can't stand tofu or any meat subs, my husband does all the cooking - kids and him eat meat, I don't!
Roast dinner I have the same as them without the meat, maybe some stuffing to pad my meal out
For toad in the hole I would just make some Yorkshire pics for him with the Mac cheese and some extra peas
For a chilli I have tinned beans, tinned tomato's with some chilli in it

It's really easy and you don't have to change your and your daughters eating habits

There are vegetarians with Crohns so there will be suitable options.

Well, they will be ones with mild symptoms not those with strictures and half their bowel missing and on biologics.

I would talk to him about what you have said here, and explain that his vegetarian menu will be limited by what you can cook alongside your normal menu. So yes to PP’s suggestions of adding a vegetarian sausage or breaded quorn to his meal, giving him a jacket potato and beans (that’s 5 minutes) or asking him to make himself some easy pasta and sauce (he’s old enough).

Breakfast he can get himself and most days I assume he either eats a packed lunch or school dinner.

My daughter is pescatarian-it’s a pain in the arse. I managed to put her off until 11. We eat quite a lot of veggie/vegan food anyway but I’m quite lazy and don’t want to cook 2 meals. He needs a vit b supplement and you need luck-good luck!

Ooh... Richmond veggie sausages would be a good swap for his toad in the hole.
I have fatigue issues linked to my health, so I do get the fatigue of trying to make two of everything, but with some tweaking you wouldn't have to do much extra, and if he can pitch in even better. You wouldn't have to change how you and your daughter eat if that's working for you.

I would let him take the rad, research vegetarianism and balanced meals and recipes.

I might get flamed but I find that a number of my veg friends eat too much carb (pasta, bread) and basically just substitute the meat with a processed non-meat.

I think a longer term healthy option would be to look at cultures that are re mostly vegetarian and what they eat and try to salt that.

It takes more effort (my dh’s meat meals are cooked in minutes, mine take at least twice that with cutting vegetables, cooking, adding aromatics etc) but it is one of our pleasures. You’ve got to embrace it, not simply tolerate it for it to work.

And I get that you are exhausted, so perhaps ds can take the lead here

@Marmunia1975

I think it's a great idea. I've been veggie/vegan for 35 years and my whole family are now DD has never eaten meat/fish etc. You'd be amazed at how much your health will improve - I haven't had a stomach bug for 35 years. Why do you feel you need meat in your diet? Clean foods cooked from scratch will do wonders.

I cook all my food from scratch, I’m not sure why you have assumed I’m buying processed rubbish. I’ve not had a stomach bug in about that long either, again, not sure why you think that’s down to being a veggie? My three kids have had one stomach bug each in their entire lives. If you read my previous posts, you’ll see why I need meat in my diet. You’ll also see why I, and my daughter, can’t eat lots of certain foods.

Sorry for the typos! Clumsy fingers on a small screen 😊

OP, you do know that studies have demonstrated that higher consumption of meat and animal products is associated with the beginnings of Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis??

Piss off with your nasty propaganda.

You'd be amazed at how much your health will improve - I haven't had a stomach bug for 35 years.

Also, correlation is not causation.

Tell him that you cannot get all the essential amino acids that he needs to promote his growth and the development of his brain through a vegetarian diet. Children think that animals have the same level of consciousness as they do.

When he's fully grown he can choose his own diet.

We're omnivores and need a balanced diet - especially developing children. Please don't let your child choose.

My ds decided to become a vegetarian over 2 years ago, was an avid meat eater and always loved his food. Went to the zoo one day at that was it.
He is extremely strict with checking labels/ingredients but we have gradually found it easier to deal with. He has his own drawer in the freezer for quicker/easier meals and if we're having lasagne/spag bol I'll make his separately but use beans instead of mince, we vary between butter/kidney etc. If we're having curry then again dp will make his separately using sweet potato and veg instead of chicken.
It helps that he's not at all fussy and will try anything.
My ds was really upset about the whole thing initially but giving lots of support and understanding and talking about issues on both sides really helped. Please try to find a way to make it work for your family i know my ds would have been really distressed if we told him no.

@underneaththeash

Tell him that you cannot get all the essential amino acids that he needs to promote his growth and the development of his brain through a vegetarian diet. Children think that animals have the same level of consciousness as they do.

When he's fully grown he can choose his own diet.

We're omnivores and need a balanced diet - especially developing children. Please don't let your child choose.

Lying to make things more convenient for you is never the right move

@Marmunia1975

OP, you do know that studies have demonstrated that higher consumption of meat and animal products is associated with the beginnings of Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis??

There are many many studies on the possible causes of IBD. There is still no definitive answer. I know people with IBD who have been veggies all their lives - my best friend at school for one. Her entire family were hardcore vegans - even their dog had a veggie dog food! Genetics, environmental factors, etc are all thought to play a part. I don’t appreciate the scaremongering.

“Children think that animals have the same level of consciousness as they do.”

But they do. Animals feel love, pain, fear.

And you can get all amino acids in quinoa and by combining food items. As well as having yogurt, flax seeds etc.