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AIBU?

Ds has requested a very expensive present when I've completely finished my shopping - what to do?

291 replies

lurchersrule · 22/11/2020 15:35

He's 13 and our rule has always been 'you don't get everything on your list', but as ds's have always been tiny lists. he always does get everything! This year he asked for a detailed map of the British Isles and book about law, so I obviously bought them. I also got him a Chromebook as we have my work laptop and his phone and during lockdown he had to use an old, cheap laptop we had forgotten about - it only cost £120 new and is pretty shit. After lockdown Ds carried on using it for researching his interests and doing things like making election prediction maps, or whatever he's into at one time, so I thought he'd like an upgrade to a proper Chromebook. I didn't get the cheapest and got one for about £400 on Prime day. This is probably roughly the same or a bit more than what I usually spend on each child, so I planned to just get him sweets and not a lot else.

Then he came home today from his dad's and sat down looking pensive and said could he ask for another present. Turns out he wants a gaming PC! He's jut realised his friends have them and are playing a game together that's not on Xbox (we have one). I know Chromebooks are no good for this. I couldn't have predicted it - he's never mentioned it before and, while he goes through phases of liking Xbox, it's never been an obsession and he didn't even buy the new Fifa this year, which he normally does.

What do I do? I hate to not get him the one thing he really wants, especially as this is the only time in his life he's ever asked for anything expensive. His birthday was shit this year as it was late March and most of his presents and his party were experience based and had to be cancelled, but he didn't complain or anything.

PArt of the problem is that DS2 hasn't asked for anything big this year either, but has a long list of small-medium, items that I will/have got several items of. He sees glitter speakers as being a 'main' gift, but in terms of cost they're no comparison to what this PC will cost. But ds2 already has a gaming PC as ex got him one. I had threads about it - he tried to make ds2 pay out his entire savings because he wanted him to have it at his house to avoid ds going on his (ex's) iPad all the time. I stood my ground and ex paid for the PC in full, which was good but meant he essentially got a much bigger present than ds1 last year from ex, who normally only spends about £20 each on them max. (got it late January but ex got him nothing for Christmas as it was 'coming') so maybe this evens it out with him having lower-key gifts this Christmas.

Also, what do I do about the Chrome? Bit gutted about that as I was excited about giving it to him. If I spend a further £500-600 on a PC that would mean I'd have spent £1k on ds1 which is unheard of, and about £200 on ds2, which is too big a gap. Even assuming I don't give ds1 the Chrome the money is still spent, and I want him to have it as in some ways it'll be more useful than the PC because of them having to move between houses.

I thought of asking ds2 to contribute to the PC from his savings. He has enough to buy the whole thing, which I wouldn't want, but if he paid about £200 and I got the rest, maybe I could then give him the Chrome (and nothing else) for his birthday? And that wouldn't be too unfair? Or present the Chrome as a shared gift? But that's a bit shit really as neither of them really wants it and neither would use it if they both had PCs/their phones. Also, I'm worried about the unfairness as both kids know I refused to let ds2 go into his savings for his PC so it will look bad if I make ds1 go into his? But that happened because ex was being a dick and ds2 does tend to piss his money away while ds1 rarely spends.

I can afford it by dipping into savings and perhaps using a credit card - never normally do that for Christmas but I have a fairly sizable inheritance currently in probate which means I could justify it this year.

Sorry, I know it's long and boring but his request has knocked me so any advice would be great!

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sophandbridge · 22/11/2020 16:14

If your DS wouldn't want the Chromebook (and I can see why, they are no good for gaming) then I'd return it and get the gaming PC but only if it is in your budget. It might mean a difference in value between what your two DSs get but was this addressed when DS2 got the expensive gaming PC or was there a big gap then.

When you said about DS2 contributing £200 to the gaming PC I was confused, the gaming PC is for DS1 isn't it?