Ds has requested a very expensive present when I've completely finished my shopping - what to do?

[lurchersrule]

He's 13 and our rule has always been 'you don't get everything on your list', but as ds's have always been tiny lists. he always does get everything! This year he asked for a detailed map of the British Isles and book about law, so I obviously bought them. I also got him a Chromebook as we have my work laptop and his phone and during lockdown he had to use an old, cheap laptop we had forgotten about - it only cost £120 new and is pretty shit. After lockdown Ds carried on using it for researching his interests and doing things like making election prediction maps, or whatever he's into at one time, so I thought he'd like an upgrade to a proper Chromebook. I didn't get the cheapest and got one for about £400 on Prime day. This is probably roughly the same or a bit more than what I usually spend on each child, so I planned to just get him sweets and not a lot else.

Then he came home today from his dad's and sat down looking pensive and said could he ask for another present. Turns out he wants a gaming PC! He's jut realised his friends have them and are playing a game together that's not on Xbox (we have one). I know Chromebooks are no good for this. I couldn't have predicted it - he's never mentioned it before and, while he goes through phases of liking Xbox, it's never been an obsession and he didn't even buy the new Fifa this year, which he normally does.

What do I do? I hate to not get him the one thing he really wants, especially as this is the only time in his life he's ever asked for anything expensive. His birthday was shit this year as it was late March and most of his presents and his party were experience based and had to be cancelled, but he didn't complain or anything.

PArt of the problem is that DS2 hasn't asked for anything big this year either, but has a long list of small-medium, items that I will/have got several items of. He sees glitter speakers as being a 'main' gift, but in terms of cost they're no comparison to what this PC will cost. But ds2 already has a gaming PC as ex got him one. I had threads about it - he tried to make ds2 pay out his entire savings because he wanted him to have it at his house to avoid ds going on his (ex's) iPad all the time. I stood my ground and ex paid for the PC in full, which was good but meant he essentially got a much bigger present than ds1 last year from ex, who normally only spends about £20 each on them max. (got it late January but ex got him nothing for Christmas as it was 'coming') so maybe this evens it out with him having lower-key gifts this Christmas.

Also, what do I do about the Chrome? Bit gutted about that as I was excited about giving it to him. If I spend a further £500-600 on a PC that would mean I'd have spent £1k on ds1 which is unheard of, and about £200 on ds2, which is too big a gap. Even assuming I don't give ds1 the Chrome the money is still spent, and I want him to have it as in some ways it'll be more useful than the PC because of them having to move between houses.

I thought of asking ds2 to contribute to the PC from his savings. He has enough to buy the whole thing, which I wouldn't want, but if he paid about £200 and I got the rest, maybe I could then give him the Chrome (and nothing else) for his birthday? And that wouldn't be too unfair? Or present the Chrome as a shared gift? But that's a bit shit really as neither of them really wants it and neither would use it if they both had PCs/their phones. Also, I'm worried about the unfairness as both kids know I refused to let ds2 go into his savings for his PC so it will look bad if I make ds1 go into his? But that happened because ex was being a dick and ds2 does tend to piss his money away while ds1 rarely spends.

I can afford it by dipping into savings and perhaps using a credit card - never normally do that for Christmas but I have a fairly sizable inheritance currently in probate which means I could justify it this year.

Sorry, I know it's long and boring but his request has knocked me so any advice would be great!

[Meowchickameowmeow]

A decent gaming PC will cost you in the region of a thousand +, spending 500 on one is a false economy. What games does he want to play?
I don't think you have to buy him anything just because he's asked for it, that's not how life works.

[AnotherEmma]

@TicTacTwo

Tell us more about why your ex bought ds2 a gaming pc last year. I assume ds1 got the usual £20 gift? Any chance he'd buy a gaming pc for ds1?

I thought this too. But then realised that ex bought the gaming PC for DS2 to have at his house. And wanted to use DS2's savings towards it until OP intervened. So I think the chance of him buying a gaming PC for DS1 to have at OP's house are probably slim to none!

[HaggieMaggie]

Is it just me that thinks it’s odd that he came home from his dads wanting this? Is dad a gamer?

[vdbfamily]

I have 2 gaming teen-agers and they have both bought what they want from own savings and built their own. I don't even know what this means but there seems to be endless things to add. Flashing fans and multi coloured keyboard etc etc. It also means they then own it and you don't have fights over who uses it when. I would say he uses own money or waits until March which is not very far away now.

[madcatladyforever]

How about saying no. Money doesn't grow on trees and we can't always get what we want.

[Hellohah]

Sorry, just to say you'll be lucky to get a decent gaming PC for £600. I spent £1200 a few years ago, my nephew has asked for one this year and the same spec as DS's is coming in at about £2k ☹️ That doesn't include the monitor, keyboard or mouse.

[Wiredforsound]

Offer him the choice: Chromebook and a decent birthday present on his birthday, or the gaming PC as his Christmas and birthday present. We did this a few years ago with phones - a cheaper phone for Christmas and usual birthday and Christmas gifts OR the latest iPhone and a decent data package, and only ‘essentials’ presents for two years (socks, pants, a Toblerone, etc.) and they both immediately went for the iPhone. Totally worth it - it is a high value item to them, they’ve looked after them really well, they haven’t complained even once about their phones, data, or wanting an upgrade. I’ve been able to move them onto £10 a month contracts this year, and they’ve been fine with not getting big Christmas and birthday presents.

[EveryDayIsADuvetDay]

if you're usual budget is £X, and that is what you've spent on each child, it would be desperately unfair to spend five times as much on one child as the other - possibly justifiable if it was a laptop to kit him out for online schooling and incidental gaming.

At 13, he needs to understand the value of money. Takes away the element of surprise, but why not have an honest conversation with him, including the need to treat both children equally, stick within budget....?

[TrickyD]

According to other threads these gaming PCs are virtually impossible to get hold of at the moment except for rip off prices on EBay. Unless you are talking about something different. If so, sorry, gaming ignoramus here.

[jessstan1]

Could you get one second hand or maybe his dad could buy him one? Alternatively, maybe other members of the family, eg grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc, could club together and buy him one.

In your place I would tell him you have already bought him an expensive present, something you are sure he will like (and he will), and really can't afford anything else. Suggest that if he gets any money for Christmas, he puts it towards a games pc. They'll be cheaper after Christmas anyway.

I must admit I thought you could play games on any pc if you know how and buy a few additions.

[CoRhona]

If neither child wants the Chromebook and you bought it as an upgrade from the current device, imo that is a shit gift.

He clearly wants the gaming pc.

Return the Chromebook or buy him the gaming pc and make the Chromebook a family gift, to be used by whoever needs it.

[Wanderdust]

Return the Chromebook if you can and get him the PC. I got my hubby a really good gaming PC during lockdown for about £600 ish, happy to recommend it!

[BigBlueBow]

What did he get instead of the gaming pc last year? Do they have the same father?

I think a gaming pc is too expensive really. 600 is not really going to get you a gaming pc. And does he really want it? Or is it just to play this one game

The logical solution would be for him and his brother to have shared the existing pc. As tbh it sounds like DS1 didnt get a similar present? Thats whats really fucked the whole situation tbh

What is the game he wants to play? Does he actually need a gaming pc to play it? Could you return the chromebook and buy a laptop that can play this game?

If thats not possible I think Id get the gaming PC as a family present. Something everyone can use.

[Zebracat]

I would get him the gaming pc and have the chrome book as a family gift for everyone.

[HiyaMeAgain]

A gaming PC worth having will be way more expensive than the lap top, They can go into thousands.
Maybe if he is serious about waning one, he could save up and buy bit by bit as he goes along and build one, it can work out so much cheaper. My eldest DS wanted a gaming PC for years, but I could never afford one, In the end we bought him bits for birthday and Christmas, and he bought bits himself. If you know what you are looking for, you can pick up a bargain (well, bargain in comparison of a new one) on ebay and such sites.

It may take a little longer, but it will save so much in the long run.

[Blackberrycream]

The chrome book seems like a practical choice because of the potential of a return to home schooling but it is really not what he asked for. He doesn’t sound spoilt in any way so I ,think it is important to listen to what he says. With the current situation, my children are arranging to meet friends on line to play a game and it is a way for them to keep in touch and socialise. This might be his situation and he may be hearing other children plan to meet.
It depends on what you can afford really. Both are useful but if you can afford both I would give him the chrome book as a practical thing that he needs to support him with school work and not attach it to Christmas. I find that some years big ticket items like bikes, laptops etc crop up but other years they really don’t need or want much and that is fine too. I don’t mind spending on things that I know they will get good use of but also won’t spend on things they don’t want or need just to fulfil a Christmas budget. This sounds like your situation. It sounds like you’re in a bigger budget year and as long as it is financially ok for you that is fine.

[Wanderdust]

Sorry, wasn't a PC but a gaming laptop, could that be a compromise?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

@PatriciaPerch

seriously, get him to research building one if he is interested in that sort of thing. It works out loads cheaper and it's such good experience for them

This. It will be great experience for your ds and far more useful than the unwanted chrome book. My dd would have been really upset at receiving one. She had a new iPad for her birthday as I thought it a good home learning investment. Very expensive but a one off and she plays fortnite or Roblox on it, watches YouTube.

[EmmaWithTheGreatHair]

Ds would love a gaming PC but we bought him a gaming laptop last year! We’ve told him we’re not upgrading this year.

I don’t know enough about the ‘build your own pc’ options, so would any advice greatly appreciated sorry to ask on your thread OP and hope you don’t mind. Possibly in preparation for next year!

I think if you can afford it OP and can return the Chromebook AND most importantly get a reasonably priced PC, then go for it.

[Nonamesavail]

Sell the chrome book on facebay

[VetiverAndLavender]

Since he's not normally as interested in gaming and only just mentioned this now that some friends are doing something on gaming PCs, I'd want to so some more probing to make sure this isn't more about him feeling left out. It's possible he'd use the gaming PC enough to warrant the cost, but it could also be something that he won't use for long, if it's not one of his main interests and he's only wanting it at the moment because his friends are doing it.

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

If you can afford it then I'd got for returning the chrome book and getting the gaming laptop. See if his dad will chip in too.

He sounds like an all round good kid who has taken this shit year on the chin. It's been awful for teenagers and young people, we don't usually go massively overboard but I've found myself getting more this year.......mainly from the savings I've built up from not going on holiday or having days out this year. 🙄

[Elfieishere]

Return the chrome book.

Get the gaming pc.

[EmmaWithTheGreatHair]

The gaming laptop we bought Ds doesn’t have access to a port that enables you to play VR games, such as the Oculus Rift. Just something to bare in mind. Can’t remember what the port is called?