Ds has requested a very expensive present when I've completely finished my shopping - what to do?

[lurchersrule]

He's 13 and our rule has always been 'you don't get everything on your list', but as ds's have always been tiny lists. he always does get everything! This year he asked for a detailed map of the British Isles and book about law, so I obviously bought them. I also got him a Chromebook as we have my work laptop and his phone and during lockdown he had to use an old, cheap laptop we had forgotten about - it only cost £120 new and is pretty shit. After lockdown Ds carried on using it for researching his interests and doing things like making election prediction maps, or whatever he's into at one time, so I thought he'd like an upgrade to a proper Chromebook. I didn't get the cheapest and got one for about £400 on Prime day. This is probably roughly the same or a bit more than what I usually spend on each child, so I planned to just get him sweets and not a lot else.

Then he came home today from his dad's and sat down looking pensive and said could he ask for another present. Turns out he wants a gaming PC! He's jut realised his friends have them and are playing a game together that's not on Xbox (we have one). I know Chromebooks are no good for this. I couldn't have predicted it - he's never mentioned it before and, while he goes through phases of liking Xbox, it's never been an obsession and he didn't even buy the new Fifa this year, which he normally does.

What do I do? I hate to not get him the one thing he really wants, especially as this is the only time in his life he's ever asked for anything expensive. His birthday was shit this year as it was late March and most of his presents and his party were experience based and had to be cancelled, but he didn't complain or anything.

PArt of the problem is that DS2 hasn't asked for anything big this year either, but has a long list of small-medium, items that I will/have got several items of. He sees glitter speakers as being a 'main' gift, but in terms of cost they're no comparison to what this PC will cost. But ds2 already has a gaming PC as ex got him one. I had threads about it - he tried to make ds2 pay out his entire savings because he wanted him to have it at his house to avoid ds going on his (ex's) iPad all the time. I stood my ground and ex paid for the PC in full, which was good but meant he essentially got a much bigger present than ds1 last year from ex, who normally only spends about £20 each on them max. (got it late January but ex got him nothing for Christmas as it was 'coming') so maybe this evens it out with him having lower-key gifts this Christmas.

Also, what do I do about the Chrome? Bit gutted about that as I was excited about giving it to him. If I spend a further £500-600 on a PC that would mean I'd have spent £1k on ds1 which is unheard of, and about £200 on ds2, which is too big a gap. Even assuming I don't give ds1 the Chrome the money is still spent, and I want him to have it as in some ways it'll be more useful than the PC because of them having to move between houses.

I thought of asking ds2 to contribute to the PC from his savings. He has enough to buy the whole thing, which I wouldn't want, but if he paid about £200 and I got the rest, maybe I could then give him the Chrome (and nothing else) for his birthday? And that wouldn't be too unfair? Or present the Chrome as a shared gift? But that's a bit shit really as neither of them really wants it and neither would use it if they both had PCs/their phones. Also, I'm worried about the unfairness as both kids know I refused to let ds2 go into his savings for his PC so it will look bad if I make ds1 go into his? But that happened because ex was being a dick and ds2 does tend to piss his money away while ds1 rarely spends.

I can afford it by dipping into savings and perhaps using a credit card - never normally do that for Christmas but I have a fairly sizable inheritance currently in probate which means I could justify it this year.

Sorry, I know it's long and boring but his request has knocked me so any advice would be great!

[notangelinajolie]

Return the Chromebook and buy a gaming PC.

[lockdownend]

I think you’re creating an issue where there really needn’t be one here.

It’s simple: return the chromebook, get the gaming pc.

[GnomeDePlume]

DS bought his gaming PC from here:

www.awd-it.co.uk/

Service was very good

[TheCrowFromBelow]

He doesnt know you bought the chromebook, and hasn't asked for it.
If the PC is in budget, return the chromebook and buy him what he wants. If it isn't, tell him that it isn't and offer him the option of a laptop or money towards the gaming PC.
That way he decides.
But do research the gaming PC, DS built his and the parts were more than £600- he saved for over a year. And the CPU has broken grrrrr

[lurchersrule]

Wow - so many replies! I thought it was so long no one would read it...

Just to clarify a stupid mistake, I was thinking of asking ds1 to pay £200 towards it, not ds2! He has savings enough to probably buy one outright but I was considering a contribution to make the point that you can't just have something that's such a huge cost, but, to be fair, he's not spoilt and doesn't have expensive tastes at all so I'm not sure that I need to worry about that.

They have the same dad and, though I don't think it's what he intended, the gaming PC is at my house because dc are there about 75% of the time. I have considered saying it needs to be shared but I think it would cause a lot of conflict and, as I didn't pay for it, not sure I can suddenly enforce that.

Ex got the PC built by someone he knows and it cost him just under £500, then I bought the monitor and keyboard. I know nothing about these things but ds2 seems very happy with it and it does everything he wants it to - but maybe it's shit and will die soon? I hope not. Ds2 plays Roblox, if that matters. I was thinking of asking ex to arrange it, or asking for the guy's details but there's not a chance he'll pay or contribute as he thinks he was cruelly cheated last year by me refusing to let ds2 pay for it. I had told ds he had to save for a year and then I'd go halves with him, or whatever, and when ds2 told him about it ex basically went out and bought it straight away and then asked ds2 for the money back. I'd been trying to teach ds2 about saving, but ds1 is naturally a saver anyway so doesn't need that lesson.

The game ds1 wants to play is EU4. It sounds right up his street - a history strategy game. He loves Risk and it looks to me like that but better. I'm sure he does want it to join in with his friends, but I see that as a good thing and, happy as he is at school and I do think he has a good group of friends, they don't meet up a lot (even pre lockdown) and I'm happy to do anything to support his friendships.

I'm moving towards getting it (if I can do it for the cost ex paid) and probably return the Chrome. I genuinely did think he'd like that btw. I thought it was similar quality to what ds2 has but more suited to ds1's interests, which, until today, didn't centre around gaming!

[ThistleWitch]

are you really considering asking ds2 to contribute to ds1 Christmas present??

[longtompot]

The gaming pc will allow him to game and also do the research you say he wants to do. The chrome book will only allow the research side. As others have said, I'd return it and get a pc.

The other option, if you can afford it, is buy the gaming pc for Christmas and save the chrome book for his birthday next year

[Jaxhog]

How about you ask him which he'd prefer? That would also show you respect his choice, which it sounds like he would appreciate.

[WildWindBlows]

I wouldn't be be buying such an expensive gift for a child who had just suddenly decided on a whim and has never before mentioned one. As others have said you're looking at nearer 1k for a decent one and that's not including a monitor, keyboard and mouse, again the specs matter.
My ds got one this year but that was after 18 months of interest and he saved up for the monitor and keyboard himself. If he's still interested by his birthday next year then I'd consider it.

[BigHairyLeggedSpider]

I would return the Chrome book and be very blunt with him. "Thats too expensive for what you want and I have already bought some of your presents. I can put some money towards it and you can save up with the rest of your Xmas/ birthday money." If its not a whim he will do it. If its a fad he will spend the money on other things..... including if he still needs it, a chrome book. Do not get yourself in debt.

[Whattheactual20201]

If you can afford it and he doesn’t normally ask for big things I would get it

Last year we got DS a gaming PC and my DD 6 ar the time got half the money spend on her DS did but had more gifts she didn’t not bat an eye lid !
She was happy with her mr frosty 🤣

[CarrieBlue]

You tell him to start saving up - if you can later afford to give him some money toward it, great.

[Beautiful3]

Return the chrome book. He didn't ask for it nor want it.

[justconcedealready]

Tell him to ask his dad for one.

[NeonIcedcoffee]

Do you normally treat your kids unequally? Why on earth would you be asking one child to pay towards the other's Christmas present to the tune of £200?

[violetsilvergold]

The OP has explained that was a typo - she meant to put ‘ask ds1 to contribute £200 to the gaming computer.’

[Bikingbear]

I'd tell him to ask Dad for it. Honestly it sounds like Dads idea and he's trying to get you to pay for it.

[m0therofdragons]

We just got a deal on a Dell laptop that’s suitable for gaming for 13yo dd that was £500 so I’d return the chrome book in your position. Dd2&3 have chrome books and they’re fine but they are 9yo. Secondary school IT team advised me to avoid (with what felt like appropriate reasons to a novice). Although another local school insists all dc have to buy a chrome book from them as part of the uniform list (it’s a in a deprived area and sits uncomfortably with me but hey, that’s another thread).

[Nottherealslimshady]

Return the chrome and get it. But dont involve his dad to organise it for you. Just use google or a pc website for advice. He wont need a top of the line one if he's not playing fast moving, online multiplayer games.

[Hamm87]

Return the chrome book and you can get a pc you need at least 8gb ram, min of intel core 2, nivdia geforce 8800 with around 1024 video memory or better, min 500gb hard drive,

[maureenfrombarnsley]

You're very unlucky in now it's panned out. What a faff!

That said I would definitely get the PC, on the basis you say:
A) he never asks for anything expensive
B) he didn't ASK for a chrome book

It's a very generous gift, but it's not what he asked for. In fact it'd be a huge shame that an otherwise great gift might be less appreciated than usual, because it effectively stopped you buying the 1 'big' thing he's ever asked for.

As others have said hopefully amazon will accept the return, or you could sell on. Or could you keep for his next birthday?

[GnomeDePlume]

@lurchersrule DS also recommended the following for your DS:

• Hearts Of Iron 4 - WW2 focus, war strategy
  
• Crusader Kings 3 - personal politics and national politics
  
• Victoria 2 - Geo politics Napoleonic to WW1

[BellaVita]

I would return the Chrome and buy the gaming pc.

[pilates]

I would be honest and say sorry I’ve already sorted your presents. It will have to be for your birthday. March is only a couple of months away.

[DumplingsAndStew]

On what planet do you buy a Chromebook on offer for £400, but a gaming PC only costs £5-600??