Ds has requested a very expensive present when I've completely finished my shopping - what to do?

[lurchersrule]

He's 13 and our rule has always been 'you don't get everything on your list', but as ds's have always been tiny lists. he always does get everything! This year he asked for a detailed map of the British Isles and book about law, so I obviously bought them. I also got him a Chromebook as we have my work laptop and his phone and during lockdown he had to use an old, cheap laptop we had forgotten about - it only cost £120 new and is pretty shit. After lockdown Ds carried on using it for researching his interests and doing things like making election prediction maps, or whatever he's into at one time, so I thought he'd like an upgrade to a proper Chromebook. I didn't get the cheapest and got one for about £400 on Prime day. This is probably roughly the same or a bit more than what I usually spend on each child, so I planned to just get him sweets and not a lot else.

Then he came home today from his dad's and sat down looking pensive and said could he ask for another present. Turns out he wants a gaming PC! He's jut realised his friends have them and are playing a game together that's not on Xbox (we have one). I know Chromebooks are no good for this. I couldn't have predicted it - he's never mentioned it before and, while he goes through phases of liking Xbox, it's never been an obsession and he didn't even buy the new Fifa this year, which he normally does.

What do I do? I hate to not get him the one thing he really wants, especially as this is the only time in his life he's ever asked for anything expensive. His birthday was shit this year as it was late March and most of his presents and his party were experience based and had to be cancelled, but he didn't complain or anything.

PArt of the problem is that DS2 hasn't asked for anything big this year either, but has a long list of small-medium, items that I will/have got several items of. He sees glitter speakers as being a 'main' gift, but in terms of cost they're no comparison to what this PC will cost. But ds2 already has a gaming PC as ex got him one. I had threads about it - he tried to make ds2 pay out his entire savings because he wanted him to have it at his house to avoid ds going on his (ex's) iPad all the time. I stood my ground and ex paid for the PC in full, which was good but meant he essentially got a much bigger present than ds1 last year from ex, who normally only spends about £20 each on them max. (got it late January but ex got him nothing for Christmas as it was 'coming') so maybe this evens it out with him having lower-key gifts this Christmas.

Also, what do I do about the Chrome? Bit gutted about that as I was excited about giving it to him. If I spend a further £500-600 on a PC that would mean I'd have spent £1k on ds1 which is unheard of, and about £200 on ds2, which is too big a gap. Even assuming I don't give ds1 the Chrome the money is still spent, and I want him to have it as in some ways it'll be more useful than the PC because of them having to move between houses.

I thought of asking ds2 to contribute to the PC from his savings. He has enough to buy the whole thing, which I wouldn't want, but if he paid about £200 and I got the rest, maybe I could then give him the Chrome (and nothing else) for his birthday? And that wouldn't be too unfair? Or present the Chrome as a shared gift? But that's a bit shit really as neither of them really wants it and neither would use it if they both had PCs/their phones. Also, I'm worried about the unfairness as both kids know I refused to let ds2 go into his savings for his PC so it will look bad if I make ds1 go into his? But that happened because ex was being a dick and ds2 does tend to piss his money away while ds1 rarely spends.

I can afford it by dipping into savings and perhaps using a credit card - never normally do that for Christmas but I have a fairly sizable inheritance currently in probate which means I could justify it this year.

Sorry, I know it's long and boring but his request has knocked me so any advice would be great!

[RoseMartha]

I would say no your present has been sorted but if you really want the gamer pc you can start saving for it with pocket money or birthday money etc and we can put money towards it for your birthday if that is what you want then.

I dont know when his birthday is but it gives time for him to reflect on whether he really wants it or thinks he wants it but doesnt really.

[Ellmau]

Well done, OP, your DS sounds like he really deserves a treat ;)

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

Glad you resolved it. I was going to add, in my experience, tech is so expensive anyway its better to get the one that does more of what is wanted and buying something that doesn't really fit the bill is a waste of money.
Provided of course that you can afford it.
I think that 13+ will be doing things online a lot more and he will need it. It sounds like you did the right thing by talking to both DS. I think at that age, they'd rather have the right thing than a surprise which isn't quite right.

[GoodEnough1]

I think you should discuss your dilemma directly with him and agree the solution together. That way you will understand better what he really wants and he will understand something of how you have to plan and balance these things.

[Whatwouldyourmamado]

@Pikachubaby but it isn't an issue.... if you read the ops update she returned the chromebook and getting a gaming laptop instead. This was after a logical discussion with her son

[Pikachubaby]

But there is no need for a PC as well as a laptop

That’s the issue

[Mamanyt]

@DahliaMacNamara

Could you not just tell him his Christmas present is already sorted, but he can have the gaming pc for his birthday? He might not still want it by then, or on the other hand if he really does want it then he could put Christmas money from other relatives towards it and get it earlier.
Or if you can return the Chrome now, get another one for his birthday. It sounds like something he could do with.

You took the words right off of my fingertips. He's way past the age of thinking about Father Christmas (we'd say "Santa Claus"). He knows that the magical man with endless toys isn't really coming. Tell him that you have already bought his Christmas gifts, and you are sure he will like them, but that the PC can definitely be his birthday gift, if he still wants it. This might be a good time to set a time limit on asking for certain gifts, especially big-ticket items. Tell him that you need to know these things by the beginning of (whenever you feel is reasonable) in order to budget for them.

[NightCzar]

Get the PC for his bday in March. Or save the Chrome until March.

[Bikingbear]

@dhisreadingmypostsagain

I'd keep the chrome book and get him the PC or the building blocks for his birthday in March, see if it dies off..

My ds is 13 and saving for his himself as they add to them over time.

Why on earth keep the Chromebook and add a gaming pc that can do everything the Chromebook can and a who lot more effectively making the chromebook redundant.

[dhisreadingmypostsagain]

I'd keep the chrome book and get him the PC or the building blocks for his birthday in March, see if it dies off..

My ds is 13 and saving for his himself as they add to them over time.

[InglouriousBasterd]

Love him, he sounds like he thoroughly deserves the PC! He will be over the moon OP!

[ClaireP20]

@CastleCrasher

What everyone else said. Amazon are usually great with returns and this year even more so. Return Chrome and buy pc.

This. He sounds so sweet xx

[caringcarer]

Glad you are sorted now. Both my sons built their computers. Every so often they will upgrade bits of it. My younger son is having £200 towards a.new graphics card upgrade. My eldest son taught himself and then showed younger brother how to do it. Now both proficient. They only have 1 A level in IT between them.

[JessicaBlack101]

Gaming PCs are expensive and become out of date in about 6months. These days, I'd expect to be forking out about $3000AUD for one, I think that's about 1.7K pounds????. I am a gamer. I also have a laptop. Putting it into non gamer speak, with my laptop, I can still play World of Warcraft and Final Fantasy online and do the dungeons. The glitches are from the rubbish internet, and not the laptop.
As a 13 year old, unless you intend to support him going into professional gaming, like Starcraft, then he only needs the tech for school work, so the Chrome is enough.
Does he want the gaming PC just because all of his friends have one? i wonder if they are playing Fortnite and brushing up on their swearing vocab.
Word to the parents: kids don't need a gaming PC. If they are crying for one, get them to save up their own $$$, and explain how much they are.
Then do your own research and find that you only really need an i5 processor with 8Gig of ram (which means you need the 64k version of Windows, not 32) to run most games out there today.... an AUD$600 UK$350) laptop will run most of todays games.

[SisyphusDad]

Sofiaaaaaa,
"He isn’t likely to want to replace the individual components at 13. I mean, he isn’t interested in running graphic/performance intensive games to begin with so this is sufficient for what he wants."

I'm afraid to say I think you're wrong on both counts. DS2 (13) has had a solid knowledge of individual components for at least a couple of years and built his current gaming PC precisely because his old laptop was nowhere near good enough for the kind of games he (and his friends) wanted to play.

[supersplodge]

Its really difficult when they do this, but gaming pcs do seem to be the must have item this year. Plus there are some minimum specs otherwise they are pointless, so £500 is probably the absolute bottom line.

I feel for you. Ds 12 wants one as well, but DH thinks it's a stupid waste of money! We are in discussions....

Your idea of getting ds to contribute and then giving him the chromebook for his birthday is probably the best option. He will still need a portable device for travelling etc. Sorry youve got such a dilemma!

[SisyphusDad]

Sorry but from my experience the Chromebook was a mistake. Kids want to be able to play games. The fact that you can also do homework on it is of no interest to them, and that's really all a Chromebook can do. And if their school uses anything other than Google for a learning environment then it's probably useless. But other posters are right - decent gaming PCs are generally expensive. Your cheapest option is probably to either get a cheap desktop that can be upgraded (many High Street ones can't) or help him build his own entry level model and then upgrade it bit by bit as he has money. It's not as difficult as you might think and will teach him a lot about computers. A really good web site is uk.pcpartpicker.com/. It has a library of enthusiasts' PC builds. In fact, when I copied this link just now their home page shows an entry level gaming PC for £550.

[bexollie]

What is wrong with a child not getting what ever they want ? In life we don't get what we want all the time. Kids should be satisfied with what presents they get .
Some kids get next to nothing and would appreciate presents. Stick with what he has got because its not necessary to buy things just because mates have it .
My child hasn't given a list , he will have what I have brought him because over the year I've listened to the things he said he likes etc . Also imagine life with little money and a few kids to buy for. My 28 year old and 23 year old plus my two grandkids and my younger 13 year old all get the same amount, they all have nice things and all understand its more than presents . After a year we have had we should all be thankful

[DipSwimSwoosh]

So in his house he will have
An old laptop
A phone
Your computer
A chromebook

He mentioned he'd like a PC. He doesn't need one. Just tell him not this year.

[copperoliver]

Could you not get the pc but say everyone can use it and give your son a time slot for gaming. X

[Mermaid67]

I suppose everything’s more expensive now, ours are early 20s, just don’t think I could see us spending that on each child! That adds up to a lot of money😮

[adnilc]

I would explain that you have already purchased his Christmas present, but that if he really wanted the PC it would have to be classed as an early birthday present. Then, once his birthday arrived just buy him a small token present.

[TatianaBis]

This post sounds like it’s based upon your own preferences, rather than his.

Nope, just objective comments. I have both - laptops and desktops are useful for different things.

He isn’t likely to want to replace the individual components at 13. I mean, he isn’t interested in running graphic/performance intensive games to begin with so this is sufficient for what he wants.

I was referring to when a component goes wrong. Much easier to replace on desktop.

Laptops can certainly be as fast as PCs. It’s not like this one is the lowest spec available. Again, he isn’t after maximum power.

It’s not that laptops can’t get decent speeds, they’re just not as fast and powerful as desktops.

Who even downloads films and music anymore? Certainly not a 13 year old. I’m early 20s and stream everything, the younger generation will only be more tech advanced. Extra storage is the easiest thing to supplement regardless.

My teens do. They stream mostly, but also download movies they want to keep (and make their own). Regardless of whether he downloads anything, 250GB will fill up very quickly. Extra storage is much easier to add onto a desktop.

That said, as I commented in my post, the fact that he’s living between 2 homes makes a laptop a plus in this case.

[Whatwouldyourmamado]

OP I am glad you got this sorted

I read through your posts and was going to suggest a gaming laptop from Currys.

Despite what people say for basic online gaming they are fine. For various reasons my dad has to use a laptop and plays call of duty absolutely fine on it plus normal work etc.

What you may also want him to look into is buying a separate mouse, keyboard and monitor for at home as it can be easier.

I would also suggest a wireless mouse so that he can take it with him if he goes to his dads with the laptop.

[masterchef98]

Glad it is all sorted for you. Sounds like you will have 2 happy boys at christmas.