Ds has requested a very expensive present when I've completely finished my shopping - what to do?

[lurchersrule]

He's 13 and our rule has always been 'you don't get everything on your list', but as ds's have always been tiny lists. he always does get everything! This year he asked for a detailed map of the British Isles and book about law, so I obviously bought them. I also got him a Chromebook as we have my work laptop and his phone and during lockdown he had to use an old, cheap laptop we had forgotten about - it only cost £120 new and is pretty shit. After lockdown Ds carried on using it for researching his interests and doing things like making election prediction maps, or whatever he's into at one time, so I thought he'd like an upgrade to a proper Chromebook. I didn't get the cheapest and got one for about £400 on Prime day. This is probably roughly the same or a bit more than what I usually spend on each child, so I planned to just get him sweets and not a lot else.

Then he came home today from his dad's and sat down looking pensive and said could he ask for another present. Turns out he wants a gaming PC! He's jut realised his friends have them and are playing a game together that's not on Xbox (we have one). I know Chromebooks are no good for this. I couldn't have predicted it - he's never mentioned it before and, while he goes through phases of liking Xbox, it's never been an obsession and he didn't even buy the new Fifa this year, which he normally does.

What do I do? I hate to not get him the one thing he really wants, especially as this is the only time in his life he's ever asked for anything expensive. His birthday was shit this year as it was late March and most of his presents and his party were experience based and had to be cancelled, but he didn't complain or anything.

PArt of the problem is that DS2 hasn't asked for anything big this year either, but has a long list of small-medium, items that I will/have got several items of. He sees glitter speakers as being a 'main' gift, but in terms of cost they're no comparison to what this PC will cost. But ds2 already has a gaming PC as ex got him one. I had threads about it - he tried to make ds2 pay out his entire savings because he wanted him to have it at his house to avoid ds going on his (ex's) iPad all the time. I stood my ground and ex paid for the PC in full, which was good but meant he essentially got a much bigger present than ds1 last year from ex, who normally only spends about £20 each on them max. (got it late January but ex got him nothing for Christmas as it was 'coming') so maybe this evens it out with him having lower-key gifts this Christmas.

Also, what do I do about the Chrome? Bit gutted about that as I was excited about giving it to him. If I spend a further £500-600 on a PC that would mean I'd have spent £1k on ds1 which is unheard of, and about £200 on ds2, which is too big a gap. Even assuming I don't give ds1 the Chrome the money is still spent, and I want him to have it as in some ways it'll be more useful than the PC because of them having to move between houses.

I thought of asking ds2 to contribute to the PC from his savings. He has enough to buy the whole thing, which I wouldn't want, but if he paid about £200 and I got the rest, maybe I could then give him the Chrome (and nothing else) for his birthday? And that wouldn't be too unfair? Or present the Chrome as a shared gift? But that's a bit shit really as neither of them really wants it and neither would use it if they both had PCs/their phones. Also, I'm worried about the unfairness as both kids know I refused to let ds2 go into his savings for his PC so it will look bad if I make ds1 go into his? But that happened because ex was being a dick and ds2 does tend to piss his money away while ds1 rarely spends.

I can afford it by dipping into savings and perhaps using a credit card - never normally do that for Christmas but I have a fairly sizable inheritance currently in probate which means I could justify it this year.

Sorry, I know it's long and boring but his request has knocked me so any advice would be great!

[Velvian]

Can you keep the Chrome book as a household school work/browsing laptop and give DS £400 cash as a good start to the gaming PC?

[EmeraldShamrock]

He sounds like a lovely young man. They are expensive but worth it for graphics and the social benefits of being invited to more games.
My DM left DD some money she bought a gaming pc. She hasn't looked at her laptop since it is my laptop now.
Bring the chrome book back he won't need it.

[Heyahun]

if you do get one make sure it's decent ! we got my stepson one for his Birthday + Christmas present last year - my husband bought all the parts and him and his son built it together - it cost about 700£ so was cheaper than buying one already made

The bonus of this one they built together is that is essentially a computer for life - you can upgrade it, add more memory etc - so it won't ever go out of date / become unusable like a lot of laptops!

Do you think this is something your son would be capable of doing - building a pc? maybe his dad can help (if hes able to take on a project like that - I understand it's not something everyone can do!)

Whatever you do I'd work on trying to return that chromebook first

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

I would get the gaming pc since you can afford it. Perhaps return the chrome book and get ds2 a more expensive gift, or give the chrome book to ds 2, or give it to them as a shared present for using for work and research, although if ds 1 has the pc he won't really need the care book for that.

[lockedownloretta]

www.currys.co.uk/gbuk/gaming/pc-gaming/gaming-pcs/pc-specialist-tornado-r3-gaming-pc-amd-ryzen-3-gtx-1650-1-tb-hdd-256-gb-ssd-10205557-pdt.html?istCompanyId=bec25c7e-cbcd-460d-81d5-a25372d2e3d7&istFeedId=4d7eb93e-055f-499d-8ee5-1cdcc50d67d1&istItemId=irlwwlttp&istBid=tztx&srcid=198&cmpid=ppc~gg~0073%20(Shopping%20Ads)%20PC%20Gaming%20HW%20-%20Top%20SKUs%20Generic~wk29~Exact&mctag=gg_goog_7904&kwid=GOOGLE&device=m&ds_kids=92700058872912467&tgtid=0073%20(Shopping%20Ads)%20PC%20Gaming%20HW%20-%20Top%20SKUs%20Generic&&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI0Meyw82W7QIVDbTtCh1p5gLZEAQYASABEgJt__D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

[Dishwashersaurous]

Can’t they share the existing gaming pc

[RedToothBrush]

@swg1

Ask specifically what games he wants to play with his friends. Cost may vary significantly depending on the game. And you don't want to buy it and then discover they're all playing games you'd say no to anyway.

To the person looking shocked that a 13 year old needs a gaming PC.. that's exactly the age you're likely to have free time to get use out of one! (And I adored my Amiga at 13 ;) )

Oh I had a mega drive. However, gaming in 2020 is not what it was in the 1990s...

Having the time isn't the concern. Speaking from the point of view of having been a gamer for a very long time.

[MargotMoon]

Return the Chromebook and get the other one. Sorted

[EmeraldShamrock]

I found custom independent places cheaper with a better spec than the larger obvious sellers.

[TokyoSushi]

Has anybody suggested returning the chromebook and getting the other one?

You can't get him both, that's just bonkers!

[Elai1978]

Maybe a virtual gaming PC, should cost around £35/month with massive performance. He can then game on the Chromebook.

[RedskyAtnight]

It sounds like you can afford the gaming PC so I agree with others that he should get it. At 13 (and especially with lockdown restrictions) he will want to be doing the same as all his friends, and if they are all getting into gaming, then likely he will too.

I'm not sure if I would return the Chromebook (since you say you could afford both). For me, it sounds like a thing that is important to support his education, and perhaps should be kept as a joint resource for both boys. I'd say a decent laptop is pretty essential as he heads towards GCSE years, and (again as you can afford it) buying him one as a present actually seems a bit mean. My DC would get anything needed to support education as a given (we're in the fortunate position that we can afford this, as it sounds like OP is, clearly it is different if you can't).

[vanillandhoney]

Return the Chromebook.

Then see if you have any decent independent computer shops. One has recently opened in our area and they'll basically build you whatever you want - the service is fantastic and it's much cheaper than buying a pre-built one from a high street chain.

[sneakysnoopysniper]

I am a great believer in giving children the opportunity to earn things rather than dropping things into their laps. Giving them too much makes them weak and soft. Whereas making them save up or earn by doing tasks around the house teaches them self discipline and deferment of gratification. I also believe in treating children equally because I was never the preferred child, and I know how it made me feel.

If you go for the gaming PC I would definitely make him pay something to it out of his savings and then he would appreciate it the more. He would also learn that you cant always have everything just for the asking, even if your parents can afford it.

[BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze]

I’d get him the PC, he hadn’t asked for the chrome book.
My kids both have gaming PCs that cost a lot more than £600 though so just be careful that it’s good enough to play the games he wants.

[Lweji]

My DS has got a gaming computer.
It's a good one, much more expensive than what you are planning to buy, but he saved from Christmas and birthday presents for two years.

In the long run, that's what I'd advise your DS to do. A cheaper computer won't be good enough in a short time. And I think they charge too much in comparison to plain desktops.

[StatisticalSense]

Return the Chromebook. Even leaving the issue of gaming aside it doesn't really sound like a Chromebook would be appropriate for many of the avenues he will want to go down. If he enjoys making maps and other drawing type things there is a good chance that he will move onto graphic design and digital works before too long and Chromebooks simply don't have access to the range of software that he is likely to want to use.

[Runoutofideas45]

If he’s this age can you sit down with him and discuss it and come to a decision together about returning the Chromebook or not and whether or not he’d be happy to contribute to the gaming PC ... might concentrate his mind as to whether he really wants it ? One of my children I could have this conversation / one I couldn’t so I know it’s a personality thing

[ScottishStottie]

Do you think he actually wants it or is it just an impulse of wanting something because everyone else has one?

Realistically its going to cost 800/900 so is it going to be used enough to justify spending that sort of money? It would be a shame to buy it for him to get bored of the fad game they are all playing atm and move onto something else.

[andweallsingalong]

I'd normally agree with people saying get him to earn a bit a month and make his own, but this is lockdown#2. Kids can't meet up socially outside of school and, if he's like dd it won't so much be about the gaming but the social side of the in game chat with his mates. By the time he's done a few months chores he could be very lonely if all his mates are chatting and going together and he can't join in.

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

I’d return to chromebook and get him the pc. Not sure why your would but such an expensive gift neither asked for or wants. It’s unfair to purchase items from one child’s list and but not the other. If all his birthday things had to be cancelled I’d just see it as a joint gift this year.

[Lweji]

The gaming computer isn't useless even if he goes off gaming (unlikely at that age).

My DS uses his for school work, and it was quite good with the camera and headphones during lockdown.
He also makes youtube videos of his gaming, watches Neflix, etc.

Much better than any console.

[TheMethodicalMeerkat]

I don’t think I’d spend that kind of money on a gift that he seems to be asking for on a whim tbh. I mean he’s said “could he ask for another present” but it’s not exactly on a par with the other two items he’d previously requested, it’s a blow the budget ask and I think he’s old enough to understand this.

Can you explain that while you don’t want to disappoint him, you’ve already bought presents and that such an expensive request at this point is too much? I’d probably suggest that he take some time to think about whether it’s something he really wants and possibly get it for a birthday or, if that’s ages away, you could consider buying or contributing to it as a one off when you receive the inheritance.

[Sadhoot]

Sorry but a gaming PC worth having will cost at least a grand, realistically. The cheap, lower-spec ones are just not worth it. It's a bit like adding 'wedding' to anything drives the price up; in this case the iCore and graphics card drive the prices up.

My DP built his from scratch and the graphics card alone cost £380. Then you need a good quality monitor with high FPS which can keep up with performance otherwise what's the point? Then the mouse, keyboard, headphones ... it all adds up very quickly! Then no doubt he will want a desk and an Omega GT gaming chair

I would return the Chromebook and pop the refund in a card, and then he can decide whether to put that money towards the cost of a gaming PC.

[OwlOne]

My 14 year old is "building" a gaming pc
Luckily my brother is over seeing this.
But he has been saving for ages.