Ds has requested a very expensive present when I've completely finished my shopping - what to do?

[lurchersrule]

He's 13 and our rule has always been 'you don't get everything on your list', but as ds's have always been tiny lists. he always does get everything! This year he asked for a detailed map of the British Isles and book about law, so I obviously bought them. I also got him a Chromebook as we have my work laptop and his phone and during lockdown he had to use an old, cheap laptop we had forgotten about - it only cost £120 new and is pretty shit. After lockdown Ds carried on using it for researching his interests and doing things like making election prediction maps, or whatever he's into at one time, so I thought he'd like an upgrade to a proper Chromebook. I didn't get the cheapest and got one for about £400 on Prime day. This is probably roughly the same or a bit more than what I usually spend on each child, so I planned to just get him sweets and not a lot else.

Then he came home today from his dad's and sat down looking pensive and said could he ask for another present. Turns out he wants a gaming PC! He's jut realised his friends have them and are playing a game together that's not on Xbox (we have one). I know Chromebooks are no good for this. I couldn't have predicted it - he's never mentioned it before and, while he goes through phases of liking Xbox, it's never been an obsession and he didn't even buy the new Fifa this year, which he normally does.

What do I do? I hate to not get him the one thing he really wants, especially as this is the only time in his life he's ever asked for anything expensive. His birthday was shit this year as it was late March and most of his presents and his party were experience based and had to be cancelled, but he didn't complain or anything.

PArt of the problem is that DS2 hasn't asked for anything big this year either, but has a long list of small-medium, items that I will/have got several items of. He sees glitter speakers as being a 'main' gift, but in terms of cost they're no comparison to what this PC will cost. But ds2 already has a gaming PC as ex got him one. I had threads about it - he tried to make ds2 pay out his entire savings because he wanted him to have it at his house to avoid ds going on his (ex's) iPad all the time. I stood my ground and ex paid for the PC in full, which was good but meant he essentially got a much bigger present than ds1 last year from ex, who normally only spends about £20 each on them max. (got it late January but ex got him nothing for Christmas as it was 'coming') so maybe this evens it out with him having lower-key gifts this Christmas.

Also, what do I do about the Chrome? Bit gutted about that as I was excited about giving it to him. If I spend a further £500-600 on a PC that would mean I'd have spent £1k on ds1 which is unheard of, and about £200 on ds2, which is too big a gap. Even assuming I don't give ds1 the Chrome the money is still spent, and I want him to have it as in some ways it'll be more useful than the PC because of them having to move between houses.

I thought of asking ds2 to contribute to the PC from his savings. He has enough to buy the whole thing, which I wouldn't want, but if he paid about £200 and I got the rest, maybe I could then give him the Chrome (and nothing else) for his birthday? And that wouldn't be too unfair? Or present the Chrome as a shared gift? But that's a bit shit really as neither of them really wants it and neither would use it if they both had PCs/their phones. Also, I'm worried about the unfairness as both kids know I refused to let ds2 go into his savings for his PC so it will look bad if I make ds1 go into his? But that happened because ex was being a dick and ds2 does tend to piss his money away while ds1 rarely spends.

I can afford it by dipping into savings and perhaps using a credit card - never normally do that for Christmas but I have a fairly sizable inheritance currently in probate which means I could justify it this year.

Sorry, I know it's long and boring but his request has knocked me so any advice would be great!

[RedToothBrush]

He's 13.

Is a gaming computer REALLY appropriate????

[2bazookas]

Suggest his dad, your ex, gets it for him

[AaronPurr]

@violetsilvergold

He doesn’t remotely sound like a spoilt brat to me.

I agree. All he's asked for is a detailed map of the British Isles and book about law, and it seems in previous years he's also been very sensible with any gift requests. Op has already admitted neither child wants the Chrome book, so returning it seems like a sensible option.

[TriflePudding]

Amazon are brilliant with returns OP and if it’s unopened you will get a full refund.

I bought a Chromebook in March for the kids to do their home school on and it was absolutely rubbish- couldn’t connect it up to my printer, couldn’t connect it wirelessly to anything, really really rubbish and not fit for purpose for homework, I bought it with John Lewis vouchers (a leaving gift from the job I was made redundant from because of lockdown!) and when I said i bought it for home schooling and it wasn’t fit for purpose they agreed I could return it for a credit note so fair play to them, anyway the point of my convoluted story is I would definitely advise you to return it and get a mid range PC instead- you could get some crackers in Black Friday sale for around £400/500

[violetsilvergold]

But I would get it for him without hesitation OP.

It isn’t spoiling children to just sometimes give them what they want. He sounds a really nice kid.

Keep the chrome book as a school work sort of present for both DSs.

[katy1213]

Just say no. Were you never told when you were young that something was too expensive? If you feel mean, say "Ask your dad.' But do you really want to start the gaming habit? I'd much sooner he was doing something useful like predicting elections! He sounds an interesting boy.

[swg1]

Ask specifically what games he wants to play with his friends. Cost may vary significantly depending on the game. And you don't want to buy it and then discover they're all playing games you'd say no to anyway.

To the person looking shocked that a 13 year old needs a gaming PC.. that's exactly the age you're likely to have free time to get use out of one! (And I adored my Amiga at 13 ;) )

[GinAtMerlottes]

Give the chromebook
Buy a decent gaming PC and something of equal value for DS2 when the inheritance comes through “from granny” or whoever passed away, assuming that won’t rinse the entire inheritance.

[GnomeDePlume]

How about returning the Chromebook and give him the cash as a start to save up for the gaming PC? Does he get other money at Christmas eg from GPs or other relatives?

If he can save the money and not fritter it that will be a test as to whether he is serious.

[MzHz]

My ds built a gaming pc aged 11. He’s just updated it now aged almost 15. Ok the latest one cost quite a bit, but the first one was v reasonable if you compared with how much it would cost to get a pre built one.

I’d get him to look at building one himself

Failing that, go to shop and see if you can take your laptop back and get the pc he wants

Ds learned about it all on YouTube.

[canigooutyet]

Or use the inheritance to buy the family a decent pc that happens to also be a good gaming one. And return the Chrome that no one asked for.

[PatriciaHolm]

TBH, it sounds like you had bought the Chromebook because you think it would be useful, not because he particularly wants it. It doesn't sound like it's a present that would inspire much joy, whereas the gaming PC will.

Have you looked into returning the chromebook?

[WhoseThatGirl]

Get him the pc then have the chrome book as a gift to all the family.

[newnewnewbuild]

I know this isn't the main part of your question but I just wanted to chime in with other posters - gaming PCs will be more than £600, my husband is a PC gamer and its astounding how much things cost!

[Ellmau]

Did you save any money on his cancelled bday party that could go towards it?

[Labobo]

Did you get money back from all the experience-based presents that were cancelled? If so, I'd try really hard to return the ChromeBook. If the package is still unopened, it may be possible. Then justify putting the saved money from cancelled experiences towards the PC.

As you say, it's been a shit year. We haven't spent much on them week on week, so if your finances haven't been exhausted by Covid restrictions, I'd be tempted to get him what he wants. As you say, normally he's not at all demanding and greedy.

[DubbinDobbin]

I think I would get the gaming PC, though my DS2's was much more than that. Ordinarily I'd say him contributing would be perfectly sensible and reasonable (DS2 got his out of a direct inheritance) BUT I do think his dad buying his younger brother's one does muddy the waters.

I don't think you need to compensate DS2 when he's had the same present from his dad already.

[AnotherEmma]

Do they have the same dad? If so, I'm struggling to understand why he bought a gaming PC for DS2 but not for DS1? Can they not share it or is that a complete no-no? Is there any chance your ex would consider buying DS1 a gaming PC this year, given that he bought one for DS2 last year?

Also, when is DS1's birthday - could the gaming PC be a joint Christmas/birthday present (from you or his dad) or could you give it for Christmas and save some of the other presents you'd got for his birthday?

I'm not one for spending crazy money at Christmas so I certainly wouldn't give a gaming PC and a chromebook.

Is there any kind of compromise that could be made - a PC or laptop that's an all rounder so could be used for gaming occasionally but is also practical for other things? If so I'd return the chromebook and get something like that.

[Dyrne]

The beauty of a lot of gaming PCs is that you can customise and build them yourself.

Return the notebook; Get him a (customisable) PC at the lower end of the range, then if he gets really into it he can improve it himself with his own savings by upgrading the graphics card etc.

[Notcontent]

It’s a tricky one. The chrome book is a useful present but not very exciting. My dd has one for school (it’s a private school so they all got given one) and she is not a fan of it.

[IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0]

What I don't understand is why should each child get gifts of equal monetary value?I do undrstand that parents have a budget to cover costs, but if child 1 asks for something that is really genuinely wished for and it costs x amount, child 2 asks for something that is really genuinely wished for and it costs twice x , as long as both children appreciate the gift he / she has received isn't that what counts? I honesty cannot remember a single incident from my childhood ( 1 of 4 children eldest 8 years older than the youngest) when I even considered the cost of the gifts each had received. My eldest sister insisted on making sure her two children had the same number of parcels to open on Christmas morning. What child even counts the number of his/her own parcels, never mind anyone elses? If this is the way children think then they have learned it from somewhere - to only value monetary worth and not to value what it means to you personally to receive a wished for gift.

[category12]

Return the chromebook and get him the gaming pc.

[waffodil]

Do people saying oh buy it realise the cost of a gaming pc? A decent one will set you back a grand.

[Laarkawaay]

A gaming of is a HUGE present. Mine dd has one but put a lot of her own money towards it. As for it as a standalone present isn't reasonable.

[1950s1]

If he'd find the Chromebook useful, I wouldn't return it because it seems like it'd be practical for your son. As for the computer, I'm wondering if your son having pressure put on him to game if it is not his thing. If he really is interested I would get it for him seeing as your other son got one last year.