Foraging flatmate

[Pers]

I need some advice, I moved in with a flatmate a few months ago. We share a kitchen and bathroom but are on separate housing contracts. Things were going well at first and we got on well, she's a bit over curious about my life, needing to know my plans etc.

I noticed things have been moved in my room, door open when I left it shut and things like that. I bought a new phone and used the old one occasionally, left it switched on and went to work all day. Came back, noticed it had moved and it had been picked up five times.

Suspicions raised, I have set up a video camera using my old phone and every day that I've been out, my flatmate has been in my room looking around my room, at the letters on my desk, and yesterday I put my letters away in the cupboard and on the video she was going in my cupboards to have a look.

We get on well generally, but I really feel my privacy has been violated, and like an abuse of trust. I don't want to start locking my door as I feel it will change the atmosphere in the house.

She doesn't work but starts a new job on Monday and hopefully it will stop, but somehow I think she'll carry on snooping about in my room.

I've been thinking about getting a glitter bomb to see if she'll open it, which will then open the conversation. I feel like a creep for filming but I wanted to prove my suspicions correct.

How would you recommend to deal with something like this, where the person is perhaps suffering with anxiety, and I don't want to humiliate her but I'm also really annoyed! Would it be unreasonable to deal with this with an explosion of glitter

You are both invading privacy but in your position I would be cross. Why on earth is she rummaging through your things??

I suppose that because you are only filming in your own room you are probably within your rights though.

I think you are bonkers to be so gentle... since when does having anxiety mean you get to rummage around the private areas and items of people you house share with?

This wouldn't work for me at all... locked door, tell her 'how dare she', and look for a new house share / house mate soon as you can.

I’d tell her I know.

‘Sandra - I know you look around my room when I’m not here. You’re invading my privacy. Please stop. Otherwise I’ll tell the landlord why I’m looking for a different place to live’

I only wanted to see if I was right, which I was but yeah she'd be super embarrassed to find out I'd filmed it.

I'm not really sure why she keeps going in my room? Has anyone experience or knowledge of this? Is it a mental health thing?

Personally I would just say something gentle at first to see if that stops it. “You haven’t been in my room have you? It’s just that I thought x had moved today it was really strange....”

Surely with that level of snooping she’d have noticed a phone positioned somewhere obvious to capture her movements?

Just put a lock on the door. If she mentions it say you sense someone has been in your room when you're out.

I would just start locking my door when out.
Who cares if it changes the feeling. The feeling will change if you continue as you are anyway.

Glitter bomb her! Definitely.

It'll have the triple effect of stopping her, letting her know you're onto her and be hugely funny too.

In all seriousness, I would also let your landlord know. She sounds 1) nuts and 2) weird. Not an ideal tenant in a shared house.

I thought this was going to be about mushrooms! I think i would leave a note in a drawer for her to find. Or just ask her to stop going in your room.

Why on earth have you not got a lock on your bedroom door. All my children live in shared houses and all have doors with locks on
She should not be going in your room and you should confront her about this, and also tell the landlord.

I’d make her a cup of tea, sit her down, play the video and see what she says.

I shared LOADS of flats and houses in my teens and 20s and (as far as I know) nobody ever snooped round my room. It’s batshit. I’d be really worried.

And I’ve suffered from anxiety many times but again, it’s not prompted me to snoop round anyone’s room.

I'd simply say when I got home say 'please stop going in my room' why are people so placid it's a massive invasion of your privacy. I'd be fuming.

I’d have to do something. That door would be securely locked!

I do have a lock on my door, and I know she won't steal but I didn't think she'd be so nosy!

I don't want to live in a house where there's tension either though, but perhaps it's too late and the trust has already been destroyed

I'd be doing a credit check on yourself. I'd also be checking all transactions on every account I have.

Would any of the paperwork she's been through give her enough info to apply for credit in your name? If she's home, she can intercept cards / letters arriving.

The OP said on the original port that there is a lock but she doesn't want to use it.

Just lock the door

Locking the door will create an atmosphere, maybe I know she'll start being shitty with me because she wants to have a rummage through my stuff.

I can't move out at the moment as it's not financially viable. We have separate housing contracts so equal tenancy rights.

I'd worry about her mental health and what affect this could have on you.

Snooping every now and then, morally wrong but maybe not overly worrying.

But picking up your phone 5 times, going in EVERY time you're out. Actively looking in the same places everytime. I mean, it's not normal and it would make me feel very off.

Your response is very laid back about it. Do you not want her to stop? If so, then lock your door. If she questions it then just say you've got footage of her repeatedly going into your room.

Glitter bombing would be amazing. BUT she'll say she was putting something away and that will be that. It won't help the situation or stop her doing it again.

Fuss about nothing really when you could just lock the door. I don’t understand why that would create anymore tension than the current one, she would only know the door was locked if she tried to get in.

@Ineedsleepido

I thought this was going to be about mushrooms! I think i would leave a note in a drawer for her to find. Or just ask her to stop going in your room.

I was personally thinking roadkill, inapproprately prepared in the kitchen

Glitter bomb would be stupid as it would be your room that would be a mess.

Put a fake letter on your desk about the treatment for your skin disease that can be passed on by touch.

Or you know lock the door.

So I've ordered two things which could potentially be both cruel but hilarious...

A card which is rigged to play sex noises when opened, and it won't stop, for 4 hours until the battery dies. When ripped open to shut it up, the hidden glitter will come out. A bit evil though.

Another possibility is a glitter cannon when unscrews unleashed a shit ton of glitter...all over my room though.

You are being far too laid-back. Why on earth haven't you gone mad at her? You could say that you were filming in your room because you thought you'd been burgled. You don't have to mention you thought she was the burglar. As for changing the atmosphere by locking your door! She is the one changing the atmosphere by rooting through your things.