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AIBU?

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Foraging flatmate

516 replies

Pers · 22/11/2020 14:18

I need some advice, I moved in with a flatmate a few months ago. We share a kitchen and bathroom but are on separate housing contracts. Things were going well at first and we got on well, she's a bit over curious about my life, needing to know my plans etc.

I noticed things have been moved in my room, door open when I left it shut and things like that. I bought a new phone and used the old one occasionally, left it switched on and went to work all day. Came back, noticed it had moved and it had been picked up five times.

Suspicions raised, I have set up a video camera using my old phone and every day that I've been out, my flatmate has been in my room looking around my room, at the letters on my desk, and yesterday I put my letters away in the cupboard and on the video she was going in my cupboards to have a look.

We get on well generally, but I really feel my privacy has been violated, and like an abuse of trust. I don't want to start locking my door as I feel it will change the atmosphere in the house.

She doesn't work but starts a new job on Monday and hopefully it will stop, but somehow I think she'll carry on snooping about in my room.

I've been thinking about getting a glitter bomb to see if she'll open it, which will then open the conversation. I feel like a creep for filming but I wanted to prove my suspicions correct.

How would you recommend to deal with something like this, where the person is perhaps suffering with anxiety, and I don't want to humiliate her but I'm also really annoyed! Would it be unreasonable to deal with this with an explosion of glitter Glitterball

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 22/11/2020 14:49

Lock the door and check your credit report instead of being passive aggressive. The prank is a bad idea as it involves shaming her instead of being assertive.
If you are worried about how she will respond to you locking your own door, imagine how she will react to being shamed and knowing you will come home to find glitter everywhere.

Herja · 22/11/2020 14:49

Just lock the door. All of this is ridiculous.

Why would she even know it's locked, if she's not trying to get in? Any atmosphere created is caused by her snooping anyway. And is there not an atmosphere now anyway? Fucking would be if someone was forever going through my things...

Lock the door. If she gets huffy, explain that you don't like having your stuff rumaged through. If she says she wasn't in your room, show her the footage you filmed. Don't glitterbomb your own space.

Anxiety is not a reason to rumage through peoples stuff. Nor is it a get out clause when you act like a dick. I say this as someone whose anxiety causes heart palpitations, digestive problems and panic attacks.

ktsa4 · 22/11/2020 14:49

I know you don't want to, but I really would lock the door. You don't know her intentions, so what if she gets shitty with you, you should be getting shitty with her!!

iMatter · 22/11/2020 14:49

How would she know you've locked the door unless she's tried to open it?

Just lock it.

If she asks you why you've locked it then she's admitting she tried to open it so she probably won't say anything.

Pers · 22/11/2020 14:49

I find that the glitter bomb will be the only way for her to actually admit what she's done

I don't want to admit to filming her actually because I feel like the creep

OP posts:
Laureline · 22/11/2020 14:50

The glitter is completely juvenile - how old are you?
Start locking your door and tell her you know she’s been rummaging through your room.

Pers · 22/11/2020 14:50

I have a robot vacuum which is plugged in my room which I'm ok with her using

But going through my post is an entirely different thing

OP posts:
MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 22/11/2020 14:50

This is batshit 😂

AcornAutumn · 22/11/2020 14:50

@ImpossibleGirl

I'd be doing a credit check on yourself. I'd also be checking all transactions on every account I have.

Would any of the paperwork she's been through give her enough info to apply for credit in your name? If she's home, she can intercept cards / letters arriving.

This.

And lock the door. Sod the atmosphere, just do it. No explanation needed.

Bumsbetter · 22/11/2020 14:51

What noises does the sex card make?

HollowTalk · 22/11/2020 14:51

You are insane if you think that a glitter bomb won't cause an atmosphere yet a locked door would. She wouldn't even know you'd locked your door unless she tried to open it.

ArcheryAnnie · 22/11/2020 14:51

Lock the door.

Check your credit reports.

Ask her outright to stop going through your stuff.

Notify your landlord.

Pers · 22/11/2020 14:52

But the glitter bomb would be "intended" for a friend, and would then call her out in a shower of sparkles

OP posts:
Notanothernamechanged101 · 22/11/2020 14:53

@Thelnebriati

Lock the door and check your credit report instead of being passive aggressive. The prank is a bad idea as it involves shaming her instead of being assertive. If you are worried about how she will respond to you locking your own door, imagine how she will react to being shamed and knowing you will come home to find glitter everywhere.
This!
katy1213 · 22/11/2020 14:53

This is silly. Lock the door. I'd tell her why you've locked it and that you're informing the landlord. But I can't get over why you didn't lock it from the start.

Pers · 22/11/2020 14:54

We started off as friends and I trusted her, I didn't expect this!

OP posts:
SupremeDreamz · 22/11/2020 14:54

Yeah. Lock the door.

AcornAutumn · 22/11/2020 14:54

@HollowTalk

You are insane if you think that a glitter bomb won't cause an atmosphere yet a locked door would. She wouldn't even know you'd locked your door unless she tried to open it.
This.

Btw what kind of lock do you have the door? I’m just wondering because you can get lockpicking tools so she might resort to that.

Can you tell the landlord and get her out?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 22/11/2020 14:55

@Ineedsleepido

I thought this was going to be about mushrooms! I think i would leave a note in a drawer for her to find. Or just ask her to stop going in your room.
I did too, or berries, and got overexcited hoping I get tips what grows where here😂😂

Sorry op. Seriously, I admire your calm. I wouldn't be so very relaxed.

As pps said, do a credit check. You can do free one.

And you don't have to feel like crap about filming her. Not at all

Ginfordinner · 22/11/2020 14:55

How do you know your phone has been picked up 5 times? And is it password protected?

Just say that you were looking through your insurance and it says that you need to lock the door otherwise it isn't valid. Then always lock the door

This ^^
DD is in a shared house at university, and keeping her door locked when she is out does make a difference to insurance. So just lock your door anyway, and if she challenges you, you could ask her why she was trying to get into your room and then tell her about the insurance situation.

LagunaBubbles · 22/11/2020 14:55

You are dealing with this in such a strange way, shes been snooping around your stuff and all you are doing is going on about her mental health and glitter bombs. Bizarre!

Pers · 22/11/2020 14:56

I'm more concerned about alienating her, and the glitter bomb might make her rethink what she's doing and she'll have to admit it

As it wouldn't have been intended for her

I actually feel terrible that I have to be so Machiavellian

I lock the door and it causes a confrontation and I'll be the devil of the piece

Whereas if she opens a package of mine then perhaps she'll reflect about what she's done

OP posts:
Pers · 22/11/2020 14:56

I'm not a student! We're both mid 30s

OP posts:
MrsExpo · 22/11/2020 14:56

Surely, if you lock the door when you're out, how would she know it was locked unless she tried it and found she couldn't get in. If she then starts being funny with you, you have legitimate reason to ask her why she needed to open your door in the first place. (Leave the hoover elsewhere in the house!)

Pers · 22/11/2020 14:57

She sometimes uses the hoover which is plugged in, which is why I didn't lock the door before

OP posts:
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