Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Foraging flatmate

516 replies

Pers · 22/11/2020 14:18

I need some advice, I moved in with a flatmate a few months ago. We share a kitchen and bathroom but are on separate housing contracts. Things were going well at first and we got on well, she's a bit over curious about my life, needing to know my plans etc.

I noticed things have been moved in my room, door open when I left it shut and things like that. I bought a new phone and used the old one occasionally, left it switched on and went to work all day. Came back, noticed it had moved and it had been picked up five times.

Suspicions raised, I have set up a video camera using my old phone and every day that I've been out, my flatmate has been in my room looking around my room, at the letters on my desk, and yesterday I put my letters away in the cupboard and on the video she was going in my cupboards to have a look.

We get on well generally, but I really feel my privacy has been violated, and like an abuse of trust. I don't want to start locking my door as I feel it will change the atmosphere in the house.

She doesn't work but starts a new job on Monday and hopefully it will stop, but somehow I think she'll carry on snooping about in my room.

I've been thinking about getting a glitter bomb to see if she'll open it, which will then open the conversation. I feel like a creep for filming but I wanted to prove my suspicions correct.

How would you recommend to deal with something like this, where the person is perhaps suffering with anxiety, and I don't want to humiliate her but I'm also really annoyed! Would it be unreasonable to deal with this with an explosion of glitter Glitterball

OP posts:
MarchionessofActon · 22/11/2020 14:57

I think you both sound unhinged, actually.

1WildTeaParty · 22/11/2020 14:57

Get a lock.
No need to accuse/explain and no need for her to be upset.

Insurance would be a reason - if you needed one.

480Widdio · 22/11/2020 14:57

How old are you? You sound immature,I am guessing about 17.

The glitter bomb idea is nasty.

Most of the responses say lock the door! Just do it.

Ohhgreat · 22/11/2020 14:58

Gosh I would so do the glitter bomb idea - genius!

sapnupuas · 22/11/2020 14:59

You're making this into a far bigger deal than it needs to be.

You have a lock; use it.

Ferrari458 · 22/11/2020 14:59

You don't have to be so Machiavellian, just be an adult and lock your bloody door. As she has no reason to even try the handle there's no reason for her to be upset about it is there? Glitter bomb FFS...

AcornAutumn · 22/11/2020 14:59

@Ohhgreat

Gosh I would so do the glitter bomb idea - genius!
Sorry, is the idea to put it in a letter in your room? I don’t get it.
PatchworkElmer · 22/11/2020 15:01

Seriously. Lock the door.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 22/11/2020 15:01

How old are you? You sound immature,I am guessing about 17
Mid thirties apparently! I'm aghast. It would have made (slightly) more sense it was an 18 year old in halls or something.

coronafiona · 22/11/2020 15:01

Put a note in your drawers saying it know you are looking in here. Mind your own business'. Hopefully she'll feel awkward enough to stop!

oldperson1 · 22/11/2020 15:01

Agree with put a lock on the door, if she mentions it just look her in the face and say I think you know why don’t you

Pers · 22/11/2020 15:01

It's unfortunate that I have to live here, and don't have the option to move at the moment.

I don't want to live in a bad atmosphere, and I don't want to be deemed the cause of this by locking my door all of a sudden.

I also want some retribution I suppose, which is where the glitter comes in. Then it opens the conversation as to what happened without me looking like a creep for filming...

OP posts:
crotoneyedjoe · 22/11/2020 15:01

I also thought this would be about mushrooms 🍄

I question the authenticity of this. 'I bought a new phone and used the old one occasionally, left it switched on and went to work all day. Came back, noticed it had moved and it had been picked up five times.' - how on earth did you know she picked it up FIVE times OP? This was before you set up the camera.

Tonkerbea · 22/11/2020 15:02

Cancel the cheque. I mean, lock the door!! Then move out as fast as you can, it's creepy AF.

SupremeDreamz · 22/11/2020 15:02

Why not ask her if she thinks someone else has access to the flat when you are both out, by saying that things are moved around in your room? Then say that you're going to lock your door from now on and you're going to ask the landlord who has an extra key.

If you didn't know it was her that would be perfectly rational.

Pers · 22/11/2020 15:02

@crotoneyedjoe

iPhone has a screen time report, which tells you how many time the phone is picked up

OP posts:
Mydogmylife · 22/11/2020 15:05

I don't understand your attitude here - you seem determined to glitter bomb this woman, just lock the bloody door! As others have said, she won't even know it's locked unless she tries to get in so no atmosphere caused. Grow the hell up

Strangedayindeed · 22/11/2020 15:05

This can’t be real. Lock your door.

2bazookas · 22/11/2020 15:05

I'd tell her there is money missing from your room and you want it back by the end of today.

That might cure her. If not, lock the door.

NettleTea · 22/11/2020 15:05

I lock the door and it causes a confrontation and I'll be the devil of the piece

see this IS mental.

she will confront you about locking your own private room?

Put the roomba in the kitchen cupboard. Lock your door. Say insurance if she asks why if you dont want to accuse, because with the glitter bomb 'forcing her to admit it' you are going to make any confrontation 100x worse. Humiliating someone who you suspect of having fragile MH is never going to be a good look, and far more the villian

GreyishDays · 22/11/2020 15:06

Move the hoover and lock your door.

LadyFoxtrot · 22/11/2020 15:07

If this was me, I’d immediately lock the door. If she asked why I’d say because I know she’s been going on my room. I wouldn’t care if she lost her shit, she’s the one in the wrong here.

Since it’s you and not me, I’m fully behind the glitter bomb idea. Report back!!

Catsup · 22/11/2020 15:07

Lock your door and leave the hoover in a communal area so she can access it.

Pers · 22/11/2020 15:07

I understand why everyone's telling me to lock the door, it's why I've come on here to ask what I should do.

I've only known about this for a week, and am trying to figure out the best way to deal with this without alienating her, and I'm actually worried how this will change our relationship (not that there's any trust left)

I still have to live with her and would prefer to not have a sour atmosphere

Maybe she'd feel more guilty if she opens something which is not intended for her and she can't avoid hiding that she's done that

As opposed to me just locking my door and being the weird one

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 22/11/2020 15:07

Please can you say why you know your phone was picked up 5 times. Which phone does this?

Surely, if you lock the door when you're out, how would she know it was locked unless she tried it and found she couldn't get in. If she then starts being funny with you, you have legitimate reason to ask her why she needed to open your door in the first place. (Leave the hoover elsewhere in the house!)

Put your big girl pants on and do this ^^
It really isn't difficult.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.