Foraging flatmate

[Pers]

I need some advice, I moved in with a flatmate a few months ago. We share a kitchen and bathroom but are on separate housing contracts. Things were going well at first and we got on well, she's a bit over curious about my life, needing to know my plans etc.

I noticed things have been moved in my room, door open when I left it shut and things like that. I bought a new phone and used the old one occasionally, left it switched on and went to work all day. Came back, noticed it had moved and it had been picked up five times.

Suspicions raised, I have set up a video camera using my old phone and every day that I've been out, my flatmate has been in my room looking around my room, at the letters on my desk, and yesterday I put my letters away in the cupboard and on the video she was going in my cupboards to have a look.

We get on well generally, but I really feel my privacy has been violated, and like an abuse of trust. I don't want to start locking my door as I feel it will change the atmosphere in the house.

She doesn't work but starts a new job on Monday and hopefully it will stop, but somehow I think she'll carry on snooping about in my room.

I've been thinking about getting a glitter bomb to see if she'll open it, which will then open the conversation. I feel like a creep for filming but I wanted to prove my suspicions correct.

How would you recommend to deal with something like this, where the person is perhaps suffering with anxiety, and I don't want to humiliate her but I'm also really annoyed! Would it be unreasonable to deal with this with an explosion of glitter

Lock the door ffs.

What’s wrong with your common sense?

Stop thinking about her and act like a grown up. If anything happens your insurance will be null and void.

I’d be very very very concerned about your credit report. Very.

Even if you check it and she’s not done anything yet she could still do so in the future. She presumably has your bank acct number,name,address,date of birth. Perhaps even passport number.

She could sell your details on the dark web or anything.

You don’t know her and you don’t know what she is capable of. All you know is she’s not working and possibly therefore skint, albeit she starts a new job soon (but may have to do lying time until she’s paid).

Honestly, I’d be on to the police station.

To hell with her ‘poor mental health’.

My poor mental health never made me rummage about in someone’s room and invade their privacy! It’s made my cry and not deal with things but she knew exactly what she was doing. Don’t kid yourself.

And when things go Pete tong if you haven’t gone to the police to report your concerns then it will be difficult to prove it wasn’t you who took out those enormous bank loans that were paid into foreign accounts never to be seen again leaving you in thousands of debt with a non existent credit score affecting you a decade down the line etc...

Get on the phone to the polis non emergency number and tell them your concerns. Now. And keep your door locked all the time.

This cannot be real. Why not ask her - I noticed some things were moved my room, were you looking for something to borrow? No? Ok by the way I have to look my door for my insurance but if you ever run out of something and need to borrow just ask me. Job done.

OP, why would she be shitty about you licking your door when she’s got no reason to actually try your door to actually find out whether it’s locked or not.

Grow a backbone and lock your bloody door!!

Speak to her about it.
Lock the door.
Do not do the glitter bomb.

Locking obviously!

Things don't move enough for me to be able to say for sure though, and she'd just deny it I'm sure

Just do what SupremeDreamz says. It’s not going to alienate anyone but will get the job done.

You sound like you're a pre-teen to be honest. Locking the door doesn't make you "the villain". How ridiculous. This seems like silly drama that you're enjoying.

I don't think she's malicious, just nosy

If she goes in and a glitter bomb scenario happens she will then say she went in once to borrow something and you won't be able to prove that she was there all the time during the last few weeks

But locking the door would not cause any bad atmosphere, as she would only know it's locked if she tries to go in, which she shouldn't be doing. I mean, how is this bad atmosphere going to play out?
Flatmate: Hey, OP, I'm really upset with you that I can't go into your room to snoop, cause you've locked it!
OP: Oh, so sorry Flatmate, I don't want a bad atmosphere, I won't lock it again!

Alternatively, you could be cleaning up glitter from your stuff for the next 20 years.

Sheesh, it's not rocket science, just lock the effing door!

Nothing to add op apart from dont tell her you've filmed her purposely.. maybe say you're interested in orbs thus had a camera set up but I'd really avoid telling her at all.

That, and that this
I've been thinking about getting a glitter bomb to see if she'll open it

Is genius! Definitely one for me to employ use of in future!

Don't want to live in a bad atmosphere? You're already living in one with someone invading your privacy. Grow up and tell them you know they've been in your room when they shouldn't be and you don't do the same to their room, and start locking the door.

You have three options:

1. Lock. The Door.

1. Have row with her.

1. Let her go on sneaking in and fiddling with your things ad infinitum.

I would pick option 1.

Cool story bro
You sound like a pair of pre-teens

For goodness sake. Glitter bomb, really?
Just lock your door.

I kind of want her to get caught red handed then there's no denying it... and I'm not morally reprehensible for filming

I quite like glitter, so wouldn't be an issue cleaning it up

I'm not going to say it 🔒🔑🗝🚪

Personally, I'd be concerned if someone was going through my mail/private stuff. How do you know she isn't stealing personal info? Identity fraud springs to mind, often it is someone you know.

I don't think it is anything to feel awkward about locking a room door in a shared house, it's pretty standard surely? If she takes offence then tough shit, I'd take bigger offence at someone violating my privacy.

@SupremeDreamz

Why not ask her if she thinks someone else has access to the flat when you are both out, by saying that things are moved around in your room? Then say that you're going to lock your door from now on and you're going to ask the landlord who has an extra key.

If you didn't know it was her that would be perfectly rational.

^^ this is brilliant and should diffuse any awkwardness.

Please do that

and lock the door

Is this going to be the new cancel the cheque ?

Be a grown up and confront her head on

Don’t tiptoe around her anxiety

She'll take offence and I'll have to live with her if I just lock my door

Someone who repeatedly rummages through another person's stuff isn't the type of person who will feel guilty and ashamed as being caught out by a glitter bomb or sex noise card.

You are both adults, who should be taking responsibility for their actions. Lock your door. If she challenges you - have some words prepared like " I just want to lock my door", rinse and repeat.

There's a classic thread from a few years back where a MIL was rummaging through the SIL bedroom drawers but denied she was going into the bedroom IIRC. They left an application to immigrate to Australia which caused all sorts of family ructions. Just because the MIL wasn't honest.

Morally reprehensible for locking your own door...
I don't think flatmate is the one with issues.

I'm not a student! We're both mid 30s

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

And she is mentally unwell, which I don't have the energy to bear the brunt of.

If she does something like open my post and gets caught, then this might be a way for me to avoid getting the flak