To be upset about inheritance U turn

[TeaAndBrie]

My sister had always seen by great uncle. She used to go for lunch with him and my grandad. Even as a child I never received a birthday card or anything from great uncle. No idea why.
For years my sister had said that she was in the will and that as she knew we would not inherit anything from my parents that she would give me 50% of what she received. A few years ago she had said she spoke with her husband about it and that she would give me 20% instead because they have 3 children now. Fair enough.
Great uncle died a month ago and the will has just be read.
She’s now said that she was never serious about giving me any money and that she will ‘treat me’ to a meal out.
I’ve told her I’m not interested and really upset that she lied to me for all those years.
She said she will treat my twin boys as well.
I’ve told her to keep her money. Apparently I’m being dramatic. Aibu to be genuinely hurt that she lied for so long?

YABVU and extremerly greedy.

The thing is though Op probably already had the money spent in her head.

It was a shitty thing of her sister to do. Its horrible when you get let down especially when it comes to money. I assume we're not just talking about a few hundred pound here.

@Yesmate

I haven’t read the whole thread but why were you discussing this so often anyway. Waiting for the man to die. Crass.

Well if you read the thread you'd know the sister repeatedly brought it up.

Yanbu op that was a shifty thing for your sister to do. She inherited a huge amount of money and after promising to make sure you're ok financially when the uncle actually died she's now decided all you're worth is a meal out. What a fucking cheek. I would be so hurt if my sibling did that to me.

It is shitty when people make a big show of generosity but never come through. A colleague once made a big deal of buying everyone champagne at a company celebration. Took the back slaps and thanks willingly. When the bill came it had somehow changed to an even split situation.

Stick with her. Show her what a good sister is. As life goes on, she may come around and be there for you in other ways. Even if she is all about the money now, things may change. You now understand what to expect from her and can hold your head high, knowing what the situation is. She may see that and feel she won't enjoy her changed life, having left you behind, but you don't want to count on that.

The problem is, it's all very well saying 'I'll share the money with you!' but then life changes, priorities change, and she probably thinks the money will come in handy for something they have planned, maybe home improvements etc.

And ultimately, it's your great uncle's choice where the money goes.

My great uncle (what is it about great uncles?!) told me he wanted to change his will to leave everything to me - then died a week later, two days before his solicitor came round to go through the paperwork of changing things.

I then had to watch my gran inherit 120k (she didn't know she was named in the will so she wouldn't have known any different if it'd been changed in my favour) when they were already well off and I had nothing to my name whatsoever, knowing that if my uncle had died just a few days later my life would be completely different right now.

So I had all that, the heartbreak of losing my uncle - who I was incredibly close to - and other life stresses at the time .. and I couldn't say one single word to anyone about it, as I knew it'd cause massive problems within the family.

So, Mumsnet, you're the first people I've ever told about that haha.

YANBU. It's the cheek of 'a meal out' which would piss me off more than anything. 10k would have hardly diminished her pot and actually enabled OP to do something.

I'd rather nothing than 'a meal'.

Dvd of The Grinch.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider 400k...!

I have read again and the promise was 50%. That is too much to expect.

l would like to know if she actually used the words 'l wasn't being serious ' from @TeaAndBrie first post. And again, is this the husband's influence?

Aww, have you seen that under the first post there is an option to read all of the OP's posts? There are only seven (as I write). You'd see the amount if you read them.

Your sister wanted all the kudos and feelings of benevolence of saying she would give us half. She’s despicable. There’s a saying that selfish people tend to be very sentimental.

I don't think the term 'devious' would be inaccurate to describe your sister....

As someone else said, money is the route to all evil. It's best to expect zilch, that way you are never disappointed.

In all honesty, your reasons for not seeing him are pretty poor. You could have gone out to lunch with him and your sister. I'm sure you'd have come home sometimes from uni so could have seen him sometimes then. And even if he doesn't like kids you could have seen him by yourself.

Your relationship was non existent with him and he may not have wanted you to have the money at all. We don't know if you've omitted anything either that means he didn't like you for a good reason.

It doesn't sound like you're going to let this go and accept that your sister doesn't want to share the money anymore. Your relationship with her is likely over now too.

*you, not us

@CakeRequired it sounds the great uncle wasn’t interested in OP. I think OP is admirable for not playing up to him in the hope of an inheritance.

Forgot as well, she might have a lot of debts that you aren't aware of. So the money will help pay them off, her house no doubt and then some in savings, some in pension and some for spending/treating her and her family. Might be nothing left for you in reality.

@Meraas

Yeah but my point as well was that maybe there was a reason for that. Maybe he was just playing favouritism (it happens), but maybe she pissed him off too?

The LOVE OF money is the root of all evil, AAAAAAAARGH

head>desk

I can see lots of reasons why your sister might have changed her mind but YANBU to be upset that she did. I think it was forseeable that you would be and she must have realised that you would be which is why she is now pretending that she never really meant it instead of just explaining why.

FWIW if this money means (for eg) that she would be mortgage free or debt free if she kept it all, I would understand that. I imagine she also has her husband asking, with some justification, why she would share a life changing amount of money (whatever it means for her/them) with someone else who was not intended to benefit from it at the expense of her own family. But it is a very good illustration of why people should not share money they don't have and of course anyone would be upset and disappointed in your position.

It seems strange that even as a child he ignored you and focused on her and that the adults in the family allowed this to happen.

With regards to the actual inheritance, its hers to do with as she pleases but I would be annoyed that my sister went back on something she promised me, but at the end of the day that's hers to live with.

@ScribblingPixie

You're not being over-dramatic, OP. It's clear that your sister's good intentions have ebbed away as the possibility of a life-changing amount of money turned into reality. She obviously enjoyed the idea of being generous and looking after you when it didn't actually cost her anything. Her behaviour is really poor and she should be ashamed - the Sense and Sensibility reference is inspired, that's exactly what it's like. And now she's trying to blame you for the inevitable deterioration in your relationship. I'm sorry you're having to put up with this when none of it was your own making. What an idiot she is.

Absolutely this! Not just that what she's doing was so perfectly described by Jane Austen, but also that she "enjoyed the idea of being generous and looking after you when it didn't actually cost her anything". She's been polishing her self-image for years, imagining herself as Lady Bountiful. How many times has she said about this to you, over how long? She lied to herself as well as you.

The lack of a relationship between the OP and the great-uncle was purely circumstantial, nothing to do with either party "not being bothered". Again, there's a newish function which lets you read all the OP's posts, even if you don't have time to read a long thread. It's really useful, and stops a lot of misunderstandings and pointless speculation.

I find it strange that the OP's great uncle was so involved with OP's older sister as a child but didn't bother with OP at all and that the OP's parents allowed this.

On the issue at hand, I would be hurt ad well OP due to the breach of trust resulting form breaking a promise made as an adult. Offering to treat you to a meal out is a slap in the face after previously promising you 20%.

“She obviously enjoyed the idea of being generous and looking after you when it didn't actually cost her anything. Her behaviour is really poor and she should be ashamed... And now she's trying to blame you for the inevitable deterioration in your relationship.”

This. The shittiest thing here is that she’s trying to pretend that she was never serious about the offer. What the fuck?

Not just that what she's doing was so perfectly described by Jane Austen, but also that she "enjoyed the idea of being generous and looking after you when it didn't actually cost her anything".

I agree the S&S reference is very apt and I wonder if someone did this to Jane or her family. I bet they did.