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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about inheritance U turn

323 replies

TeaAndBrie · 22/11/2020 13:56

My sister had always seen by great uncle. She used to go for lunch with him and my grandad. Even as a child I never received a birthday card or anything from great uncle. No idea why.
For years my sister had said that she was in the will and that as she knew we would not inherit anything from my parents that she would give me 50% of what she received. A few years ago she had said she spoke with her husband about it and that she would give me 20% instead because they have 3 children now. Fair enough.
Great uncle died a month ago and the will has just be read.
She’s now said that she was never serious about giving me any money and that she will ‘treat me’ to a meal out.
I’ve told her I’m not interested and really upset that she lied to me for all those years.
She said she will treat my twin boys as well.
I’ve told her to keep her money. Apparently I’m being dramatic. Aibu to be genuinely hurt that she lied for so long?

OP posts:
MarkChamberlainWasMyHero · 22/11/2020 19:19

OP I feel for you.

A similar thing happened to me and my brother. We inherited between us what should have been split three ways in our opinion.

We just transferred it ourselves afterwards to the third party.

It was completely the right thing to do and we agreed between us.

It actually gave me a huge amount of pleasure and I sleep easy now.

flaviaritt · 22/11/2020 19:28

MarkChamberlainWasMyHero

That’s great.

beavisandbutthead · 22/11/2020 19:29

Your sister obviously enjoyed being singled out during your younger years, she has happily informed you that you would be excluded from inheritance from the uncle and then feels a little guilt and suggests she shares it. Then hubby comes and kids and your no longer a priority and suddenly she didn’t mean it and now she can inherit and you get a meal? How lovely, says a lot about your parents who helped facilitate a relationship with a great uncle which benefited one of there DC. I certainly wouldn’t have stood back and allowed a relative to send one DC birthday cards etc and exclude the other. So for me it isn’t just about the uncle but would

beavisandbutthead · 22/11/2020 19:30

Question the parents part in this ....I actually feel sorry for you being treated so shoddily - cut your sister out and move on

honkytonkheroe · 22/11/2020 19:33

I’d personally never do that to my sister.

GeneParmesanPrivateEye · 22/11/2020 19:35

Thing is, she's been very specific in her offer - 50%, then on discussion with her husband, 20%... it certainly sounds like she meant it - then to reduce that to a meal out seems a piss take! That would be one tense meal!

Whenwillow · 22/11/2020 19:35

I think this is so sad. Your great uncle favoured your sister from the off. I struggle to understand why any adult would do that.
My best wishes to you OP. I would be hurt too.

Jobsharenightmare · 22/11/2020 19:39

I feel for you OP. Whilst it isn't in any way your fault, they had a relationship and you didn't, and he wanted the money left to her not you. I don't think she should ever have said she would split the money because no one can promise that really. Things can change and suddenly you might find yourself really needing the money; maybe what your sister thought would be a bonus is actually going to keep them afloat? I'm trying to be generous to make sense of why she has changed her mind.

Somethingkindaoooo · 22/11/2020 19:42

I'm the poorest one in my family
If I won the lottery, I would totally give some to my siblings

Jux · 22/11/2020 19:44

The trouble is that you sound like you're in denial; that you did expect the money and that you are angry that your sis is hanging onto it all. FWIW, I imagine her dh has something to do with her change of mind - not forcing her or anything, but discussing with him, he would certainly be pointing out that they have children, they have needs etc etc. I know my dh would be asking me why I thought my bro should have money which would otherwise go to our daughter and I would find that hard to answer.

I expect your sister meant it when she said she'd share some with you, and she wasn't lieing at all. I think you ABVU for claiming that she's lied to you for years. She said things based on what was really a hypothetical situation, and when faced with reality and discussion with her immediate family, has changed her mind. That's about it really. And that's why it's hard to believe that you're not angry about the money.

Whatever. It's not your sister's fault.

Whenwillow · 22/11/2020 19:47

I'm quite horrified that some posters think the OP is being greedy.
It's hard as hell being the 'bigger person' when an old uncle favours your sister all your life, and then she can't even spare a few quid out of a fairly huge inheritance.
Horribly toxic family dynamic if any member of the family thinks it's OK.

echt · 22/11/2020 19:50

I think this is so sad. Your great uncle favoured your sister from the off. I struggle to understand why any adult would do that

The OP is seven years younger than her sister.

Whenwillow · 22/11/2020 20:00

And never even sent her a birthday card yet took sister out, and built a relationship before op was born, by the sound of it.

ZoChan · 22/11/2020 20:01

This reply has been deleted

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Whereismymask · 22/11/2020 20:09

I’m not particularly close to my sister but if I was in your sisters shows and I had inherited that amount of money from a family member I would be giving a substantial amount to my sister, I couldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t.

Meraas · 22/11/2020 20:09

I doubt the meal is to discuss further as OP’s kids have been invited.

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 22/11/2020 20:11

What a, selfish cow. 20k or so even wouldn't make even a dent in 400k. Karma is a bitch so I'm sure she'll get hers!

ilovepuggies · 22/11/2020 20:12

You’ve got a few choices.

If your sister has been a good support and is kind and cares about you - let it go and don’t bring it up and carry on.

If you are not close to your sister and you can’t let it go don’t continue to have a relationship with her and focus on the positive relationships in your life.

If it really bothers you ask to have some time with her just the two of you so you can both really discuss it and hopefully come to some resolution.

Best wishes

yearinyearout · 22/11/2020 20:14

But had they bothered with you?

Why is that relevant? When my grandmother was alive, I was the only grandchild who took care of her. I went over every week, did her shopping, cooked meals, took her to all of her appointments etc. My one sibling only lived 100 metres away and still didn't bother visiting. As it happens she didn't have anything to leave in her will but if she had I wouldn't have felt compelled to share with my siblings as they did bugger all for her.

FridayNightAtTheBronze · 22/11/2020 20:24

Apart from this situation, are you close to your sister, and have a good relationship generally?

If you would miss having her in your life, then you may have to put this behind you for the sake of your relationship.

TatianaBis · 22/11/2020 20:29

@BobbingPuffins

Send her a DVD of Sense & Sensibility for Christmas.
Yep, this is basically the first chapter.
eaglejulesk · 22/11/2020 20:34

You sister was very wrong to keep promising you a share of the money, but you were very foolish to believe her. I never believe something involving money is going to happen until it is actually in my bank account. Your sister doesn't sound like a good person tbh.

However, you need to decide what you want your relationship with your sister to be going forward. If you are going to stew on this then it will make for an unhappy relationship, which could eventually break down completely. If you wish to continue on good terms with your sister you will have to be an adult, simmer in silence for a short time, and then rise above it. Only you can make this decision.

AlpineSnow · 22/11/2020 20:34

Ha yes. Buy it

Noranorav · 22/11/2020 20:43

I hate inheritances and this sort of singling out by relatives - it splits families in the worst way, even small amounts or keepsakes rankle.

The money is technically your sisters, but of course you know that already. Do you want to have a good relationship with your sister in the long term? In which case you need to (over time) forgive her and let it go. You can of course let her know you feel disappointed/hurt/let down etc although that is not without risk of damaging your relationship. I can't help but judge the uncle, unless there was some specific reason to favor your sister (ie close relationship) why do this? In the same circumstance I'd split the money with my brother but I can't stand unfairness, or attempts by stirring relations to cause bitterness, if that's the case here.
But I totally get why you feel sore and hurt. Lick your wounds and resolve to be a better person than your uncle!

cheeseandpineapple · 22/11/2020 20:47

Did your great uncle not have any children of his own? Have assumed that but just want to be sure.

Did your parents or your parent who is related to your great uncle get anything under the will?

Was your uncle of “sound” mind when he wrote the will?

Was your sister in more regular contact with him after childhood?

What do your parents think?

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