To be upset about inheritance U turn

[TeaAndBrie]

My sister had always seen by great uncle. She used to go for lunch with him and my grandad. Even as a child I never received a birthday card or anything from great uncle. No idea why.
For years my sister had said that she was in the will and that as she knew we would not inherit anything from my parents that she would give me 50% of what she received. A few years ago she had said she spoke with her husband about it and that she would give me 20% instead because they have 3 children now. Fair enough.
Great uncle died a month ago and the will has just be read.
She’s now said that she was never serious about giving me any money and that she will ‘treat me’ to a meal out.
I’ve told her I’m not interested and really upset that she lied to me for all those years.
She said she will treat my twin boys as well.
I’ve told her to keep her money. Apparently I’m being dramatic. Aibu to be genuinely hurt that she lied for so long?

If there was something in the will stipulating that then it would’ve been an easy reason to say why she can’t stick to her promise. She would have said, she told me about every detail in it and what other people had been left etc
She was the one that always said the amount, I never pushed it and I never expected anything from great uncle. I can’t emphasise that enough, I do not feel that I am entitled in anyway.
There are events in my life that cause me to view trust as a big thing. My sister knows all this and knows that I’ve felt betrayed by those closest to me so I think that’s why this hurts even more.

Money can make people do very strange things. Your sister has obviously seen how much she's inheriting and has £ signs in her eyes.

£400k is a life changing amount of money and I do think that squirrelling it all away is greedy. Even if she gave you £30k, it would give you a very nice savings cushion and she would still have an enormous amount of cash left. No, you don't have any legal claim over the money but your sister promised you and has now left you high and dry. I'm not sure I could get over that.

Seeing the update then she had no idea it would be that amount of money. She could purchase a property if she hasn't already. There is a big difference between sharing £20k and sharing £400k. Also you have said you were quite dismissive of it when in fact you sound like you've hung your hat on it.

Remind me what you did for this uncle when he was alive.

After receiving such a huge sum I think that your sister has been really mean, I don’t think that she should have split it 50:50 however £20k or £50k would not be unreasonable.
When my grandmother died 15 years ago I was left the £600 that she had in her savings account. Several years earlier I’d been added as a signatory due to her poor mobility and therefore it was easier for me to make withdrawals. We had a very close relationship and she was very open about the fact that I was to have any money left in the account after her days. I did however split it with my brother because I felt that it was the right thing to do. when I’d split with my ex-h a couple of years earlier my brother had lent me £3k to pay 6months rent upfront on a house, the money was repaid as soon as my divorce payment came through. As a family that’s what you do

There is a big difference between sharing £20k and sharing £400k

There is. It’s easier to do because you have more left afterwards.

@sneakysnoopysniper

Something similar happened in my family. My mother was kicked out of the family for marrying beneath her and unlike Downton Abbey was never welcomed back. However I loved my grandmother and she took to me as she never did to my sister. I used to visit her several times a week and continued to do so until she died in the 1970s.

She left me and my two cousins money in her will and her house to be sold and divided between two of my aunts (but not my mother). In effect my mother and sister were ignored in the will. She left the entire contents of her house to me and when sold it worked out at almost the value of the house.

My mother and sister were quite angry and bitter about the will and the aunts were miffed that after selling some of the furniture at Christies I did so well on the contents. I kept some small pieces to remember my grandmother by but most was far too large for my flat. I had to work hard to arrange a house clearance and to sell all the antiques I had inherited. In doing so I learned a lot about the antiques trade and later set up my own business. I used the money I made to get onto the property ladder.

My family did not appreciate that it was upto my gran to leave her property to whom she wished. She had all her faculties right up to the end and knew what she was doing. I did not feel obliged to give my sister or parents any of my inheritance because they had not bothered with my grandmother when she was alive.

But had they bothered with you?

You did what you did. But I couldn't behave like that. We inherited money from a relative once - only beneficiary. It wasn't mega money but we made sure other family members did get something. Seemed the right thing to do.

@AlpineSnow

I'm pretty sure if it had said in the will she wasn't allowed to share it the sister would have said that. After all it gives her an excuse and makes her look less bad for not sharing it when she'd said she would

How would that even be enforceable?

I'd be going no contact with her after this. She shouldn't t have made a promise she can't keep. That is a huge amount and life changing for her, to just leave you behind is awful.
My sister won a £300 gift card at work last Christmas and gave me £50 of it to spend as a treat. She didn't have to but it's kind to share with family

It's not about the uncle, (although a grown man who'd ignore a child and favour their sister sounds pretty shitty to me). It's about the sister playing games.

400k?!?

But you're not bothered?

@flaviaritt

Nothing she can do if it stipulates she can't share it.

Is this true?

This is very unlikely, there are sometimes stipulations regarding property where a friend of the deceased may live in it for their lifetime, but how would you police a cash inheritance?

OP I think you’re right to be hurt , it’s not about the money which it’s clear why you weren’t included but the constant mention and offer of it in your lifetime is hurtful.

You’re being accused of being dramatic because she feeling guilty and her offer has gone from 50% to 20% to a meal. It’s got to be very hard to give away that amount of cash when faced with the reality of it, especially when you have kids and a mortgage and as you said there isn’t likely to be anymore in the pipeline from your parents and ultimately she was stupid to have ever mentioned it, let alone making a thing about it.

It’s now going to be hard to move on from this, but you need to try and rise above it.

Your sister is treating you with utter contempt, OP. I would be going low contact with her from now on.

She is being very unreasonable. And the offer of a meal out is a slap in the face. I would nothing to do with her ever again.

Your uncle was a cunt for leaving everything to a woman with a husband and leaving you (a single mum) out. Let them roll around in the filthy money OP, you’re better off without the money and your ‘sister’.

I think what she's done is ridiculous - she told you she'd give you a share, now she hasn't and you're supposed to just shrug it off?

Im not sure how she thinks she can come back from this but ... it is very early days yet. I'd say nothing. Bide your time she might change her mind - but even then, not sure how Id cope with that. Inheritance seems to make people go crazy.

@flaviaritt

There is a big difference between sharing £20k and sharing £400k

There is. It’s easier to do because you have more left afterwards.

Unfortunately the reality of this is less easy. If you have a joke in the pub with a mate over splitting a lottery ticket, you might split a tenner but would you seriously spit the jackpot. What you say should be right, but in reality it’s much harder.

But sounds like sis knew what was in the Will

I'd be suspicious of her husband's role in all of this.

The inference was that OP would get half, or did l misread?

I can understand why it had caused upset, there is no denying that.

I think if l were in the OP's shoes l would not have been thinking l would be in line for a few grand, because what people say and what they do are two very different things. Especially when money is involved. There is no way l would give half of an inheritance to my siblings. Absolutely not.

Tea has said that she was dismissive (her responses to me appear to be so) or changed the subject when it was brought up. So her sister may not understand that Tea has been waiting for a pay out (using blunt language here) and is now upset it's not coming. I think that is actually quite important. If OP had said to sister, yes please, l really could use that money and appreciate the generosity, maybe DS would not have so flippantly changed her mind.

In the interests of having a relationship with your sister, perhaps some honesty is on the cards.

Still what has not been said is the financial position of both parties and l think that could well have a bearing on this.

What @billybagpuss said - because it might mean they can get on the property ladder or they may have wanted to send their kids to private school but could not afford it. We don't know any of this detail. This could be a life changing amount of money for them and at the end of the day, it was left to them. Sounds like Tea had no relationship so there was no question of her being left anything.

Life's too short to stress about stuff like this. Tell her to keep her money.

Fuck me, that's a lot of money for her to expect you to feel gracious about.

I’d tell her that she’s being awful tbh... from a % to a meal out. It’s not the money it’s the lies and meanness. That’s a lot of money.... if she gave you £10k she won’t miss it... but she will miss you as you won’t trust her again. Could this be her dh? As in if they give you money he feels he should do the same with his family? Still no excuse but just wondering

I haven’t read the whole thread but why were you discussing this so often anyway. Waiting for the man to die. Crass.

I would feel the same, OP.