To think Father Christmas doesn’t make two visits.

[Kacee29]

Random one.

I have a DS with my ex and dc with my current partner. DS always wakes up here on Christmas morning and visits his dads house throughout the day or sometimes sleeps there Christmas Day night into Boxing Day.

Before anyone asks why doesn’t he stay there on Christmas Eve sometimes or alternate Christmas etc like other parents do. It’s never happened for us. DS has siblings here. He doesn’t at his dads. His dad always goes out drinking Christmas Eve so he’s never been interested in having DS then.

My ex has told DS that Father Christmas always drops presents off for DS at his house too so DS thinks he gets two visits off Santa.

I’ve always been against this as for me Santa should visit the house you are sleeping Christmas Eve and wake up on Christmas morning.

Also. DS has been telling dc he gets two visits which isn’t ideal as dc are more understanding now.

Plus in our house Santa always brings one gift and a sack or stocking and the rest is from me and hubby. In my exs view all presents are from Santa.

I’ve tried to communicate this with him but he’s not the easiest to talk to.

Aibu?

It wouldn’t be so bad if DS kept his gifts off his dad at their house but he always brings them home. Naturally DS is always going to have extra presents off his dads side of the family which is fine but from Santa? No! I feel like I should do the Santa thing here!

Please guide me here. Shall I put my foot down this year? It’s causing all sorts of confusion here!

I'd send him on boxing day.

It's probably more confusing for him to be taken from the only place he knows as home, away from what I imagine is a fun atmosphere, with all his family (especially siblings) there to be with a man he barely knows and seems to have little interest in him. On what is the most fun and family centred day of the year

Teach them about bilocation. In for a penny, in for a pound. If Father Christmas really does exist, he can surely bilocate.

I'd start alternate Christmas" siblings or not. Dad will sort out his drinking routine you can sort how Christmas is at your home.
I think you are being very unreasonable and I don't know if you're son will thank you for it in years to come especially on this one which is all about you not him

I think it's really, really important not to get too hung up on rules about what Santa does and doesn't do. Because he doesn't exist it's pretty hard to set a framework for Santa's policies and prodedures just go with the flow, kids don't take it too seriously as long as they're getting presents.

My parents split when I was a baby and I don't actually recall what we were told about Santa delivering to dad's house.

Santa used to visit 3 houses when DS was little, ours, his aunties and his grandma in India
Its really not a big deal

YABU, my parents were divorced and when I was a child presents went to both houses, my a younger siblings knew it was because Santa visits everyone home and I had 2, they never questioned it. I also do it so Santa brings all the presents, he doesn’t buy them all, presents get sent off for Santa to deliver family members and then makes/buys 1 present himself.

My parents split when I was tiny. The years I was with Mum my Dad would arrive on Boxing Day (lived 3 hours away) with my presents and “Father Christmas couldn’t find your stocking, so he left these by the fireplace.” My stocking fillers in a box! I didn’t believe from an early age but we all went along with it. The Christmases at my Dad’s I would come home and have a second Christmas with Mum’s family (but I always had 1 present from her to open on the 25th). It was easier as I was an only child in both households and my parents both had my best interests as the priority.

I understand it's hard on your other children but if all the presents come from FC can't you just say FC gives more presents to your son than them because he doesn't get presents off his dad?
Obviously more tactfully than that but I think that's what I'd do.

@Rosebel

I understand it's hard on your other children but if all the presents come from FC can't you just say FC gives more presents to your son than them because he doesn't get presents off his dad? Obviously more tactfully than that but I think that's what I'd do.

I would not say this. It's all too easy for hurt to DS to be caused by the siblings.

There is a difference in being told "santa brings everything" and being told outright "your dad gets you nothing for Christmas". Especially when the OP does it so that the other children do get presents from their DF

Ask yourself if your ds spent christmas eve at his fathers house would you be happy enough telling ds that santa doesnt leave presents at your house for him...your aibu answer lies with the answer to this question🤔

You can feel how you like about it but you cannot control how your ex does Christmas. So you either accept that he has every right to do what he wants not what you want, or you do something really selfish and stupid like stopping your son seeing his dad at Christmas.

I understand the issue..

Your eldest DS gets Santa presents at your house and then gets loads more at his Dad's.

Your younger kids just get Santa presents at your house.

So it looks like your eldest gets loads more from Santa.

You don't want to reduce the presents you give to him from Santa or have to explain why he gets more.

I honestly think kids understand this in a way that parents hope they won't. They know from a very young age that Santa doesn't bring the same things to different houses.

How old is your eldest? Can you have a word with him and say that it's not kind to brag about his extra presents?

Gosh, ehrm how to explain

Santa is Imaginary, he can do anything either of the child’s parents deem he should do. Because he’s not real. He’s pretend.

I think you’re being controlling to put some weird rules in about what Santa is and is not permitted to do.

YABU.
And what if a friendly NDN had a gift FC had dropped off there for your son?

I think that this issue didn't suddenly arise. This has been the situation for some years.

The issue about frequency of contact is an aside to the Christmas issue and needs to be addressed separately imo. As that seems to be a lot of the basis of your current attitudes, that he's a lesser parent as a result, so your opinions usurp all of his.

Your child has asd. So imo you continuing with your stance, is imo, unfair and cruel. My lo has asd also, so I say that as someone who understands this side. Your lo is happy with the 2 household visits. It causes no discernible problems except its not your preference. Sadly that is too late now. So accept and embrace that yes, in our home this is what santa does, but that esch house has a slightly different way and in the dad's house it is different. Children accept and won't read as much into it as you are.
My lo accepts that Christmas eve is the big delivery night, but also accepts the extra deliveries that go elsewhere and on Boxing Day, including an appearance!

@kowari

Tell him that parents can order extra from Father Christmas at a cost if they are not sure what to get or would prefer it if Father Christmas chose the presents?

That's what I did when my eldest started reception and starting asking questions about why some children got a TV or a puppy from Santa and others only got a few small gifts. One of his classmates had told them that it was because they had been naughty. I was doing self assessment at the time so I invented the optional Santa Tax that parents could pay if they wanted Santa to make more presents for their children rather than their parents buying them (because Santa knows what they want).

They obviously believed it because one year the DC snuck into my office to see if there were any clues about what Santa would be bringing in the files marked tax

YABU. You can't dictate what he does to suit you and your subsequent family. How would you react if the ex put his foot down and dictated how you should do Christmas?

@Bluntness100

Gosh, ehrm how to explain

Santa is Imaginary, he can do anything either of the child’s parents deem he should do. Because he’s not real. He’s pretend.

I think you’re being controlling to put some weird rules in about what Santa is and is not permitted to do.

Bluntness, thank you for common sense!

Imaginary people can do anything, they are not constrained by the same rules as ourselves.

How the kids are going to laugh when they look back at their parents getting knickers in a twist over this sort of thing.

@mummmy2017

So start now. Tell your ex his slot to see his son on Christmas day is..... Tell him your plans are fixed. Otherwise he can see DS on Boxing Day for blank to blank. Stick to this and if he tries to alter it, say no this is the only plan.

Totally agree with this. Unless there was a court order there is no way in HELL I would give up any part of Christmas for a lazy absent father. My DD sees her dad on the 27th or 28th and that's that. If you don't mind him going on the day just tell him the time slot eg 3pm until 10am boxing day and if he doesnt make it tough shit, make it clear DS needs to know whats happening so its plan ahead or get fuck all.

You're being beyond unreasonable.

What is your expectation? That you have ex bring presents to yours so he doesn't open anything at his dads? Or that dad says they are from him/his family but not santa?

You say your DS always sleeps at yours on Xmas eve. So he won't ever get an Xmas morning at his dad's by the sound of it. Where is the magic of Christmas morning for his dad? What if he changes his mind and wants him the morning one year?

If he isn't having Xmas morning with his dad then he is perfectly entitled to have his presents there and say santa has delivered them - or whoever he wants to say has in reality.

It comes across as you want all the fun. You also don't like the idea of your younger dc not having 2 houses of gifts. But thats life. And you need to get over that.

This isn't a competition.

To tell your ex that he can see DS on Boxing Day - YANBU. I wouldn’t arrange my Christmas Day around someone who only bothers himself 2-3 times a year.

To think you have a say on Santa gifts at ex’s house - YABU.

YABU!

I've never lived with both my parents. Santa came to both my mum and dad's houses and I always went to my dad's on Boxing Day. My half siblings at my mum's house never thought anything of it! But I didn't go around shoving it in their faces.

I don’t see how this matters. It’s just a story. If a child has two houses why should Santa not leave presents at both? For children who do alternate houses it’s nice for them to have Santa presents at both houses.

As for your child telling others he gets 2 visits, all families have their own versions of Santa. My nephews always believed all presents were off Santa, I tell my Son just one big present and a stocking.

I'm in my 30s and always had 2 visits from santa. He would leave a pile at my house and a pile at my nans. Never hurt me or my siblings. Never thought we were better than anyone else. You are over thinking it.