To think Father Christmas doesn’t make two visits.

[Kacee29]

Random one.

I have a DS with my ex and dc with my current partner. DS always wakes up here on Christmas morning and visits his dads house throughout the day or sometimes sleeps there Christmas Day night into Boxing Day.

Before anyone asks why doesn’t he stay there on Christmas Eve sometimes or alternate Christmas etc like other parents do. It’s never happened for us. DS has siblings here. He doesn’t at his dads. His dad always goes out drinking Christmas Eve so he’s never been interested in having DS then.

My ex has told DS that Father Christmas always drops presents off for DS at his house too so DS thinks he gets two visits off Santa.

I’ve always been against this as for me Santa should visit the house you are sleeping Christmas Eve and wake up on Christmas morning.

Also. DS has been telling dc he gets two visits which isn’t ideal as dc are more understanding now.

Plus in our house Santa always brings one gift and a sack or stocking and the rest is from me and hubby. In my exs view all presents are from Santa.

I’ve tried to communicate this with him but he’s not the easiest to talk to.

Aibu?

It wouldn’t be so bad if DS kept his gifts off his dad at their house but he always brings them home. Naturally DS is always going to have extra presents off his dads side of the family which is fine but from Santa? No! I feel like I should do the Santa thing here!

Please guide me here. Shall I put my foot down this year? It’s causing all sorts of confusion here!

I agree with you regarding the story of Santa and who gives what presents however, I wouldn’t bother arguing with my ex about it. It’s really not worth it. Pick your battles is my mantra though.

Tell the kids you have to give Father Christmas the money for presents. That's why he gets more at his DF's, because FF gives Father Christmas money for DS too.

I keep reminding him that Santa is watching

Don’t do this. It’s weeks till Christmas.
And you know very well that you won’t follow through on this threat.

YABU. The normality of family life has to be compromised when there’s a split. Most things have to be duplicated - holidays, school events. And Christmas is just another one where you have to play around with the new normality in your lives. Your dc isn’t going to be mentally scarred by this situation. He won’t remember having two Christmas’s negatively, but he will remember how his parents dramatised small issues. I would just let him remember the magic of Christmas, however it’s played out; it won’t matter in a few years when he no longer believes - it’s only a very short period of believing.

Nonsense. Father Christmas used to leave gifts at my kids grandparents house.
Not an issue.

YABVU. Are you this controlling about everything? His poor father.

So start now.
Tell your ex his slot to see his son on Christmas day is.....
Tell him your plans are fixed.
Otherwise he can see DS on Boxing Day for blank to blank.
Stick to this and if he tries to alter it, say no this is the only plan.

Santa always used to make a separate stop at my grans and she would bring the presents to ours on Xmas morning. It never spoiled any of the magic for us.

YABU. One of my children has two visits from Santa as there is a 50/50 custody split and I work shifts so if I am working Xmas day as I am this year, Santa comes on another day to our house. It has always worked fine.

How old is DS? If he doesn't want to go, I wouldn't force it or let ex spend ages cajoling him.
If he asks why Santa bring lots of presents to Dad but only one here fashion an answer around time spent together - Santa brings more to Dad's because he doesn't see you v often etc
How old are yours and DPs children? DS gets those presents from his Daddy just like Mommy and Daddy get you presents. That's just one of the things with blended families, the kids will have to learn that it won't always be fair on life bit it will be fair in your home.

I get that he's a crap Dad but you aren't going to convince him to tell DA Santa isn't visiting anymore but he will buy him presents instead else you'd have reached a compromise before now

@mummmy2017

So start now. Tell your ex his slot to see his son on Christmas day is..... Tell him your plans are fixed. Otherwise he can see DS on Boxing Day for blank to blank. Stick to this and if he tries to alter it, say no this is the only plan.

Also this. I'd ask when he wants him, of he isn't clear then set a time. Carry on with life around those plans. Don't sit around for the next decade waiting for him to decide when he can be bothered to turn up

When the girls were little we would have Christmas dinner with parents and find that Santa had left presents for them there.

I think Santa visits every house and leaves presents for all household members and those who spend Xmas with them.

There aren’t many perks to having separated parents but 2 visits from FC is one of them.

Presents in place of presence is satisfying for a DC.
My friend is remarried her ex like yours only sees her eldest a handful of times a year and buys him nothing at Christmas. Thankfully her DH treats all the DC as his. Point being you can't control your ex.

In my house Santa doesn't know which parents house she'll be at on Christmas eve (it changes each year) so he leaves presents at both houses so she's not disappointed no matter where she wakes up,

“I feel like I should do the Santa thing here!” Wow. I feel bad for your kid stuck in the middle of your pettiness.

Santa is a lie, adding another lie into the mix to make the child get presents each side, is absolutely fine.

I can totally see why you’re annoyed but you can’t dictate the story of FC in your ex’s house.
If the problem is he’s coming back bragging a bit that he’s got more, Could you just tell him not to tell the younger DC’s he got ‘extras’ at his dads?

Could Santa leave a few extra presents for the other kids which get handed out while DS is with his Dad so difference is less?

I think this is a bit awkward because the younger children may wonder why they don't get two visits from Santa. It will probably mean the myth of Santa is broken earlier than usual for all of them.

How old is your 'DS', op?

If you'd started a thread to complain about the fact your son's natural father would struggle to pick him out of a police line up, you'd get an overwhelming YANBU. And rightly so.

But no. You start a thread complaining that your ex doesn't hold to your notion that "Santa should visit the house you are sleeping Christmas Eve and wake up on Christmas morning". And that he's telling your son an imaginary beardy bloke can visit twice.

Surely this is an issue that will soon resolve itself when your son realises you've both been feeding him porkies? A realisation that tends to occur younger and younger these days.

You are over complicating things. His dad's home is also his home so naturally he has presents from santa there.

Burchyrestingface: You start a thread complaining that your ex doesn't hold to your notion that "Santa should visit the house you are sleeping Christmas Eve and wake up on Christmas morning". And that he's telling your son an imaginary beardy bloke can visit twice.

Surely this is an issue that will soon resolve itself when your son realises you've both been feeding him porkies? A realisation that tends to occur younger and younger these days.
.........
Too right!

By all means perpetuate the Santa myth if you want to but when you start getting stressed about details such as who he visits and how often, it becomes ridiculous. Newsflash: there is no such person!

I disagree about kids not believing at younger ages now, if this forum is anything to go by, they seem to believe when they are older; or else they pretend to in order to please parents.

It's supposed to be a charming fantasy for little children, not something to argue about.