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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Father Christmas doesn’t make two visits.

259 replies

Kacee29 · 22/11/2020 07:54

Random one.

I have a DS with my ex and dc with my current partner. DS always wakes up here on Christmas morning and visits his dads house throughout the day or sometimes sleeps there Christmas Day night into Boxing Day.

Before anyone asks why doesn’t he stay there on Christmas Eve sometimes or alternate Christmas etc like other parents do. It’s never happened for us. DS has siblings here. He doesn’t at his dads. His dad always goes out drinking Christmas Eve so he’s never been interested in having DS then.

My ex has told DS that Father Christmas always drops presents off for DS at his house too so DS thinks he gets two visits off Santa.

I’ve always been against this as for me Santa should visit the house you are sleeping Christmas Eve and wake up on Christmas morning.

Also. DS has been telling dc he gets two visits which isn’t ideal as dc are more understanding now.

Plus in our house Santa always brings one gift and a sack or stocking and the rest is from me and hubby. In my exs view all presents are from Santa.

I’ve tried to communicate this with him but he’s not the easiest to talk to.

Aibu?

It wouldn’t be so bad if DS kept his gifts off his dad at their house but he always brings them home. Naturally DS is always going to have extra presents off his dads side of the family which is fine but from Santa? No! I feel like I should do the Santa thing here!

Please guide me here. Shall I put my foot down this year? It’s causing all sorts of confusion here!

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 22/11/2020 09:39

Father Christmas used to leave gifts at various family member’s homes for them to give me. They’d give me a gift from them and say, look what Father Christmas left for you at our house! My brother and I once commented that he has so many homes to visit it wasn’t very efficient spreading ours out and oddly it only happened on my mum’s side of the family. It became a hilarious Christmas tradition. Just chill and don’t stress it. Father Christmas maybe wanted to give you and ex a chance to see dc open his gifts?

PrincessConsuelaBH · 22/11/2020 09:43

YABU.

We have DSD every other Christmas Eve night, and Santa comes here for her the years she's at her Mams. Why wouldn't he?

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 22/11/2020 09:44

Op I have sent you a PM. You seem very frustrated with the situation. I totally understand.

Whatthebloodyell · 22/11/2020 09:45

Well, I hate to break it to you but Santa doesn’t actually exist, so he doesn’t make any visits.

As we make up Santa we can tell the children whatever we like. In some houses he comes down the chimney, in others he comes through the door. Sometimes
He fills a small stocking, in other homes he leaves a pile of presents under the tree.

If your ex wants Santa to visit his
House then that Santa does.

TonMoulin · 22/11/2020 09:48

YABU
Very normal in my house. And we are not separated lol
But we often have been travelling and couldnt carry everything.
Also did it when I was a child and we were going to see different set of grandparents.

I can’t see the issue and it sounds mean from you

Frazzledmum123 · 22/11/2020 09:48

I haven't read the whole thread but I wanted to say I do get your frustration, people saying he has the right to do it his way but I'm not sure a virtually absent father has much right at all to be honest.

However, I dont think its worth getting into a big argument about (and im very big on the FC tradition). Me and DH had different traditions growing up and he was happy to use mine but it took a couple of years before MIL was fully on board but I realised that children really will just believe anything because they want to, its only us as rational adults that overthink it. I'd recommend saying that Father Christmas knows how much each parent is buying and so delivers accordingly. So he knows your son doesn't get presents from his dad so he delivers them there instead whereas at your house, he knows they get them from everyone. You don't have to say it in a way that makes your ex seem stingy, just that he discusses with parents how to do it. My son once mentioned that FC have his friend a PlayStation (he only does token gifts here) and I just used the above and he was fine about it.

Thehollyandtheirony · 22/11/2020 09:49

YABU and very controlling.
It’s a ridiculous story anyway and there are hundreds of variations of when Santa comes/ what he brings.
Let his dad do what he wants.

wendz86 · 22/11/2020 09:51

Father christmas drops presents at both mine (or whichever relative we are staying at ) and their dads house. Kids haven't questioned that.

bez91 · 22/11/2020 09:51

I think when you're separated you just have to do right by the child and in this circumstance I'd suggest that's that Santa visits both mummy and daddy's house. I don't think YABU however, I get your frustration.

I have the same but with my MIL, she insists that our DD doesn't open her presents from her unless she can see her doing it which is a bit pathetic IMO and really uses it as a weapon so she'll always have to wait until after Christmas Day as she lives away.

TonMoulin · 22/11/2020 09:52

I just don’t agree that all ex’s gifts come from Santa

I hate to break it to you but different families have different rules. In our house ALL presents come from Santa.

gottakeeponmovin · 22/11/2020 09:57

Wow - if you've got such a problem with it maybe tell your son that Santa drops his presents at his Dads why do you think you can dictate what your ex wants to do at Xmas?

AllsortsofAwkward · 22/11/2020 09:57

Are you always this controlling? What does it matter in the grand scheme of things? I speak as a the mum in the situation who had a ds who does to his df. Pick youre battles this isn't one of them.

LouiseTrees · 22/11/2020 09:57

You still haven’t said how old the child is. Maybe time to shatter the Santa myth anyway?

EmeraldShamrock · 22/11/2020 09:57

There will always be some jealousy between siblings in a blended family.
DS may get extra presents but the other DC see their Dad daily.
Whether you like it or not I'm sure it makes DS feel loved as a DC.

namechangefail2020 · 22/11/2020 09:59

You're not more important than his Dad, if his dad wants that story the same as you have at your house it's only fair. Sorry bit you sound a bit selfish

EmeraldShamrock · 22/11/2020 10:01

How old is DS? Is he younger siblings close in age and understanding?

Womencanlift · 22/11/2020 10:01

@TonMoulin

I just don’t agree that all ex’s gifts come from Santa

I hate to break it to you but different families have different rules. In our house ALL presents come from Santa.

It was the same in mine growing up. Presents on Christmas morning were from Santa, presents from relatives were from them so we could say thank you.

It never even occurred to me as a child to question why the only people I never received presents from were my own parents Smile

Kids will believe anything at that age when it comes to Christmas

midnightstar66 · 22/11/2020 10:02

Exp doesn't do santa as he wants all the credit Hmm. I'd be happy if he used the 2 santa story. Either way though it's really no big deal and not the hill to die on.

BlackeyedSusan · 22/11/2020 10:03

Santa always visits twice. Usually I have forgotten something to wrap up.

lockdownend · 22/11/2020 10:05

[quote Kacee29]@lockdownend sadly it’s not his home. He’s been there twice in the last year. Not just due to covid was going on before then too. His girlfriend doesn’t like DS going over but there’s another story altogether. If he sees him he just takes him out somewhere for a few hours. He doesn’t have any toys or bed there or anything. When he sees him at Christmas it’s often at his mum and dads house.[/quote]
Yes, it is his home. This is your son’s father; he will always have a home there.

As I already said, how often your son goes and all the surrounding backstory and girlfriend chat is irrelevant; it’s still his home.

Witchend · 22/11/2020 10:05

If you want FC to only come once then he has to not come to your house as you can't control your ex.

If we're away, the FC only drops one or two things on Christmas eve. He gives the rest of the stocking when we're back.
It worked for us and the dc never questioned it.

dottiedodah · 22/11/2020 10:06

My DD birthday is near Christmas so for years we had 2 "drops" from FC! I honestly think YABU here .Its nice that he comes to two houses when he has a lot of children to get through.Your ex is entitled to witness the moment of joy when his DC open their parcels ,just as you are obv!

TidyDancer · 22/11/2020 10:07

YABU, but this is clearly not just about Father Christmas. You can't dictate how someone else does Christmas in their own home and that is essentially what you're trying to do here, regardless of the other circumstances.

Mommabear20 · 22/11/2020 10:07

Although my parents were still together when I was a child, we always believed that Santa made 2 stops, he dropped most off at our house and then the rest at my grandmas and she brought them later on Christmas Day. It never caused issues for us believing he made two stops. Obviously slightly different given your little one has half siblings but I don't think believing Santa stops at 2 places is a big deal, more the way you approach it. For us it was always, he couldn't fit them all in the living room (it wasn't a very big room!) so left some with grandma. Maybe get a couple of extra (small) gifts for your children with current partner to open after your older child has left? Maybe 'find' them at the back door or in their rooms later in the day? Like Santa came back?

pepsicolagirl · 22/11/2020 10:09

I can see how this could be problematic and I would hate the fact that ds is boasting to your other children about getting a second visit BUT you have no say in it. I think if that was the main issue for me, I would just make a new tradition of a boxing day gift for the other DC.