To think Father Christmas doesn’t make two visits.

[Kacee29]

Random one.

I have a DS with my ex and dc with my current partner. DS always wakes up here on Christmas morning and visits his dads house throughout the day or sometimes sleeps there Christmas Day night into Boxing Day.

Before anyone asks why doesn’t he stay there on Christmas Eve sometimes or alternate Christmas etc like other parents do. It’s never happened for us. DS has siblings here. He doesn’t at his dads. His dad always goes out drinking Christmas Eve so he’s never been interested in having DS then.

My ex has told DS that Father Christmas always drops presents off for DS at his house too so DS thinks he gets two visits off Santa.

I’ve always been against this as for me Santa should visit the house you are sleeping Christmas Eve and wake up on Christmas morning.

Also. DS has been telling dc he gets two visits which isn’t ideal as dc are more understanding now.

Plus in our house Santa always brings one gift and a sack or stocking and the rest is from me and hubby. In my exs view all presents are from Santa.

I’ve tried to communicate this with him but he’s not the easiest to talk to.

Aibu?

It wouldn’t be so bad if DS kept his gifts off his dad at their house but he always brings them home. Naturally DS is always going to have extra presents off his dads side of the family which is fine but from Santa? No! I feel like I should do the Santa thing here!

Please guide me here. Shall I put my foot down this year? It’s causing all sorts of confusion here!

Broken home is a terrible term but realistically, the circumstance it describes, do apply to you. Your child's parents are separated. This does have an impact irrespective of when it happened. Prenatal events also affect a child. Like any other family set up, the aim is to manage what you can and Christmas in the other parent's home, does not fall under that category.

An unreliable and absent father is upsetting, infuriating and frustrating for the present parent and I do sympathise.

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas.

@2021optimist

Yabu. It’s Father Christmas, not ‘Santa’!

Nope.

Some years I stay at my parents house on Christmas Eve because it's easier. We just tell the kids that we have asked Santa to bring their presents there this year. Or, we may go quite early in the morning on the day, so they just get their stockings at home and then all presents at their grandparents. Again, we just tell them we wrote to Santa to ask him to just drop the stockings off here and presents there....

YABU, Santa isn't real, so you can make 'him' work however you want. That includes how your ex wants to do it.

@user113215532352

I think you're being a bit controlling about an imaginary magical figure.

This made me laugh out loud!

Indeed! Sinterklaas /Father Christmas/St Nicholas is fun when one is very young, But older kids always prick one's bubble and say ''Father Christmas is actually your MUM.

He comes twice to our house. If you remember to shout thank you out of the window when you get your stocking then he delivers an after dinner surprise.

True story.

He doesn't have 2 visits he has one split over 2 houses. 🤷🏻‍♀️

YABU he also come to Nana and Grandad's house...

You've been told you're being unreasonable but don't seem to want to listen and instead just want to carry on with your dripfeeding about how hard done by you are. You sound like a very angry person.

As 'Santa' is an imaginary character he can come as often as your own family tradition dictates and to as many different venues.

Your kids will realise they've been conned by their parents about it soon enough.

When my kids ask stuff like this about Santa I just tell them I dont know/it’s magic/I’m always asleep when he arrives

If FC brings all the presents, how do the kids know who to send the thank you letters to?

How does the father have so much control over your timings on Christmas day? Why do you dance to his changing tune?

What happens if you say DS will be with you at 10am?

From what you said DS has low expectations anyway so if he doesn't end up going last minute because his father is too hungover?

As for the Santa thing. You can't control how he does it so don't try. Just make an explanation for it. Tell DS Santa drops a few off at yours and the rest at his dad's. If you need an explanation the say as suggested above - it's because Santa knows you give presents too.

By the time children start analysing the differences between Santa's different behaviours in their friends' houses is usually the time they start questioning the whole realism of Santa anyway.

@Generalblah

I think you are being unreasonable. Just because it is what you want doesn’t mean his dad’s views are irrelevant. Children will believe whatever you tell them so just go with the flow. You are kind of making a mountain out of a molehill.

Also, it’s unfair that you get the magic of Santa and your ex doesn’t.

The OP wasn't making a mountain out of a molehill, she was seeking advice.

That's not the same.

What happens when children at school have other traditions and all/more of their gifts are from Santa? Surely your children would question why those children are getting more off Santa than they are?

I'm not saying the situation is perfect, or easy, but you can't dictate how another house does Christmas.

With regards to sitting waiting for him to make plans before you make yours - don't. Make your plans, including plans for DS to see dad and go with it. As long as you're being reasonable with your plans including time for DS to see his dad then you can't be expected to plan completely around his dad.

Your ex doesn't know anything about Father Christmas. Tell your DS the presents he gets at his dads are actually from his dad, but the stocking and present are from Father Christmas.

Just to add my voice into the fray, YABU. Ds wont care if it all stays the same, particularly as not NT, he will want routine to stay exactly as it is presumably? In which case you are only changing things for you.

Option a) do nothing, everyone’s happy, your dc don’t get extra presents because they get to spend all their time with you. Disney dad can do his thing, ds gets showered with gifts, the Santa thing is entirely irrelevant, he delivers different amounts to different people in line with various things (what they can afford, what the parents views are, whether the child has asked for certain things etc, if it’s been a busy year etc)

Option b) argue with exh about this, change the normal, put your foot down over present giving when you are not there and you will change.... nothing. Exh will still give ds the presents, maybe not from santa but he’ll still get them. Ds will be confused and disorientated as to why the situation has changed and it will bring up the validity of Santa in your house too. You will seem petty and vindictive for no apparent reason.

As to whether you will read this and ignore, or maybe just ignore without reading is also a possibility.

@UntamedWisteria

As 'Santa' is an imaginary character he can come as often as your own family tradition dictates and to as many different venues.

Your kids will realise they've been conned by their parents about it soon enough.

Why are you so nasty? You must have an awful life. Poor you.

I used to have pretty much the same situation as you. Eldest DD would wake up at our house on Xmas day, she has 2 younger siblings on my side but not her dads. She brought her presents home.

Santa used to do 2 visits.
It was never an issue. My younger children never questioned it, I actually don't think they noticed as they were too engrossed with there own presents.

There isn't an issue here at all here regarding Santa. The issue is lying within you.

Ex used to do different things to me. Easter bunny would set up pranks in his house, never in mine. So when she woke up at my house at Easter the house would be prank free but lots of chocolate and craft activities. His house she would receive an egg, a couple of sweet treats and a day of fun when pranks would happen. Again this never confused her. It was never discussed.

You just can't ask your ex to do things your way. His way is perfectly fine for him. What goes on on your exes home has nothing to do with you if there are no safeguarding issues.

And just to clarify, I totally understand what you are going through with the low contact. My DD is now 13, she chose to go no contact with her dad this year! He wasn't great all the time, most if the year I would be begging him to see her and not to let her down. So I completely understand the Disney Dad frustration too, but with regards to Santa YABU.

@JunkieMonkey

You’re being completely unreasonable, not to mention petty and dare I say it, spiteful. None of this will even matter in a few years time when the truth about Father Christmas comes out. Grow up, OP.

God, why are people so nasty on here...that's such a horrible thing to write. I mean, you sound bloody awful.

I'd be sad for my child if he went to his father's house on Christmas Day and there were no presents. Poor kid with his rubbish dad.

This part of his life is t going to last very long. His dad is interested in doing this Santa thing so I'd go with it. At least then your child will have some happy memories of being with his dad at Christmas.

I completely understand what you mean about it not being fair that the father is getting the good parts of your child's life. But it's not about being right.

At least with this arrangement you get your son every Christmas morning.

We used to stay with family over Christmas, Santa was very accommodating doing an extra delivery to us with the bigger stuff that wouldn’t fit in the car.
So we got Christmas then a 2nd Christmas around new year.

You are not being unreasonable to resent your ex, or consider him a fairly rubbish disney dad based on what you say. However you are very unreasonable to try to dictate whether or not father christmas visits his house, or try to justify this because hes a crap dad. Also, how are you going to "put your foot down"? Say to your DS "actually santa only visits one house your dad is lying etc etc". That is going to be even more confusing to him, and almost certainly ruin the magic of christmas for him. So when hes older if he is discussing when he realised santa wasnt real he will be able to say "well my mum and dad were seperated and hated each other and had a big arguement about whether my dad was allowed to pretend santa brought me presents at his house". Horrible thing to do to a child. dont do it.

Another YABU here.

Your other DC know their brother is a bit different as he has another dad living in a different house, who he visits. He lives there sometimes and Santa visits every house where a child lives. Can’t understand your anger around all this.

I think YABVU. He is at your ex's let the ex have some traditions.

Santa is imaginary. Am sure you know that. So he can come everyday and anywhere he wants to really. And before you ask, he can come through the chimney, door, Windows or even a solid wall.
Yabvvu