To think Father Christmas doesn’t make two visits.

[Kacee29]

Random one.

I have a DS with my ex and dc with my current partner. DS always wakes up here on Christmas morning and visits his dads house throughout the day or sometimes sleeps there Christmas Day night into Boxing Day.

Before anyone asks why doesn’t he stay there on Christmas Eve sometimes or alternate Christmas etc like other parents do. It’s never happened for us. DS has siblings here. He doesn’t at his dads. His dad always goes out drinking Christmas Eve so he’s never been interested in having DS then.

My ex has told DS that Father Christmas always drops presents off for DS at his house too so DS thinks he gets two visits off Santa.

I’ve always been against this as for me Santa should visit the house you are sleeping Christmas Eve and wake up on Christmas morning.

Also. DS has been telling dc he gets two visits which isn’t ideal as dc are more understanding now.

Plus in our house Santa always brings one gift and a sack or stocking and the rest is from me and hubby. In my exs view all presents are from Santa.

I’ve tried to communicate this with him but he’s not the easiest to talk to.

Aibu?

It wouldn’t be so bad if DS kept his gifts off his dad at their house but he always brings them home. Naturally DS is always going to have extra presents off his dads side of the family which is fine but from Santa? No! I feel like I should do the Santa thing here!

Please guide me here. Shall I put my foot down this year? It’s causing all sorts of confusion here!

But is always really interested at Christmas!!! Drives me mad every year. How he can abandon him most of the year and overboard at Christmas. But that’s another story.

This is what you're really annoyed about, isn't it OP? Its nothing to do with Santa visiting. Its that your ex is an absent parent, does none of the leg work but then on Christmas turns into Disney dad. You don't think he deserves to enjoy Christmas with your son because of this.

@flaviaritt change my tradition? What else can I change? Dc get one present and a stocking off Father Christmas and a load from us. I don’t agree that Santa should bring all the presents as children compare at school etc. Some parents can afford loads and others not so much.

If your other children are upset and jealous because your son has two visits, and you can't control what your ex does, maybe you can think of some things you can do for your other children to make it seem fairer for them. Keep some presents back for when your son is at his Dad's house? Get imaginative with notes. "Dear children, sorry I didn't leave these on Christmas Eve. My elves forgot to put them on my sleigh. Love from F.C." "Dear Children, FC was behind with his presents this year because the elves in his workshop were socially distancing, so I am having to deliver some for him. Love from the Christmas Fairy".
I understand totally what you are getting at, @Kacee29. I once had to rush out on Christmas Eve to buy a load of presents for twin foster babies who arrived unexpectedly at midday. They wouldn't have understood about presents, but I didn't want to spoil the magic for my own children, who believed that Father Christmas would find you wherever you were.

@Blahblahface absolutely and not ashamed to admit. Why should a dad be absent most of the year and do this at Christmas? Even damn year! We always have to wait to see when ex can have DS around his own family and friends and being hungover before making our visits to see family every year then he changed plans last minute. Drives me mad. We literally sit around waiting. Feel like saying bugger it and see him Boxing Day instead this year.

@Kacee29 this would really annoy me too but I dont think there's anything you can do about it. I suppose you could say to your ex DS mentioned he was sad he got nothing off his dad this year whereas he got lots off you and OH - that might make him rethink and have some presents off him, which would be easier for your younger son to swallow. (Obviously don't say anything like that to the kids themselves). It would be very manipulative but he sounds a shit dad so sometimes shit dads need to be manipulated 🤷‍♀️

You want to make your child leave behind presents at his dads who he only visits 3 times a year?

My ex is definitely the definition of presents not presence anyway! I don’t think anyone would understand unless they’ve been through it. My ex is absent most of the time but overly interested at Christmas. DS doesn’t even want to see his dad half the time. He didn’t even want to go there last Christmas but his dad persuaded him to go. His life is very much here 99 percent of the time. there is no 2 home in the relationship with his dad. This is home. His dads home is just an occasional visit. He hadn’t been to his dads house since the summer!!!

Santa does two drop offs here and always has its shitty to think one parent gets all the Santa excitement and the other doesn't. I don't see it as being a big deal. Two houses, 2 visits.

@81Byerley thats a lovely idea and you sound fab ❤

You are being spectacularly controlling. You are not in charge of what characters who do not exist do in other people's houses.

@lunar1 nope never said that. But in fairness some of it is junk and I have no room for it here. But I don’t like that DS has tons of presents from Santa there!

Yabu. I always told my dc that father Xmas left some of their gifts at home and some at the ex's house.

It's sad that your son rarely sees his dad. For your son's sake I think you need to avoid causing upset over something as trivial as this. The last thing you want is to reduce contact even more. Just tell your children that santa visits both your son's parents' houses.

You are not being unreasonable to feel annoyed with your ex but that's a completely separate issue

Santa isn't real. Santa doesn't exist. You can tell your child anything you like. It doesn't matter!

YABU, and instead of listening to what everyone on this thread has said, you are now planning to try and get your way by preventing your DS from seeing his DF on Christmas.

Every single family I know with separated parents has two visits from Father Christmas, including my own brother whose eldest is profoundly autistic. She accepts that FC wants both parents to experience Christmas and in ways which suit them.

Tackle the important stuff like visits over the rest of the year if you think it's detrimental to your child's wellbeing. Christmas is not the problem.

If fairness is the issue here it’s your DS who’s got a shitty deal, getting some extra gifts hardly makes up for a crap Dad. The Christmas story is full of holes anyway just spin them a line about the extra gifts.

@Sophagain not even a broken home 🤣 DS has never lived with his dad we split when I was pregnant! I met oh when DS was tiny. That’s all he’s ever known.

The great thing about an imaginary magical figure is that you can make up any old shit to explain things away. Just leave it be, you do Christmas your way, your ex can do it his way.
But this isn’t really about Santa is it...?

Dd gets 2 visits from santa and whilst her dad and I were still together she never once questioned that her brother and sister from her dad and his ex for 2 visits and she didn't.

You are being massively unreasonable. And the drip feeding just sounds like attempts to justify it.

How would you feel if your ex started to dictate how you did Christmas?

"But I don’t like that DS has tons of presents from Santa there!"

But it's not up to you what presents from Santa arrive in dad's. You cannot have any input into this at all . Whether you like it or not is irrelevant. You do presents whatever way you desire in your home. Your ex even if he is a knob, can do presents whatever way he desires in his house .

Just leave it OP . You can't have any input so best to settle yourself, bite down and don't let it eat at you.

Disney Dad's can be maddening. But you just have to let it wash over you

Here Father Christmas drops off all the gifts. But he’s a daft old thing and always finds something down the back of the sleigh that he has to drop off. So Boxing Day a couple of small things to unwrap.
It’s what my mum did so we do it.
Father Christmas isn’t real. So parents make up their own way of doing things.
But this isn’t about a fictional character. It’s about ex being a crap dad for the whole year then buying lots of crap at Christmas.
Don’t ruin Christmas for your child too.

Just tell your kid that Santa isn't real- sorted

@SendHelp30

You’re being unreasonable because you clearly hate your ex and are projecting this onto a Christmas “situation”

He sees his son 3 times a year. I would hate the fucker too, wouldn't you?

As much as I dislike the idea of this "father" having anything to do with Christmas traditions regarding your DS I think you are stuck here, OP.

I think you will have to just go with the flow for now. For your DS's sake not his twat hat wearing dad.

Father Christmas delivered to our house and my grandparents.

Plus the other dc get to live with mum and dad all year so maybe that's why santa does 2 visits.