Discussion on inheritance - is it sometimes ok to give children different amounts.

[Whattheactual20201]

Was talking to parents the other day and then DB
We are a family of 3 siblings, I am the youngest at 28 then the eldest is 36.
I have 2 children soon to be 3, my own house with a very small mortgage and not much left to pay. We survive and have luxuries. I do have savings
DB who is a few years older has 1 child but they are trying for number 2 and has a house with an affordable mortgage and a great income.
Eldest is DS who has one child and one on the way. She has always worked as hard as us but does earn a lot less and rents has no savings and lives a bit more day to day than we do.

My parents have always told us the grandkids will have their own “ pot “ which will be equal.

However us as their children will get different amounts due to circumstances.
They would want to leave the house to sister
With w smaller cash inheritance
Then a bigger cash inheritance to me and DB ( it wouldn’t be as much as what the house is worth by any stretch )

I am ok with this and see their point in a way however DB feels a bit hurt they would leave the house to only one of us ?

Inheritance should be equal. No ifs no buts.

It’s wrong to favour one child over another.

I think that is fair too. It’s not your sisters fault she earns less and cannot afford to buy a house. You and brother have houses you own, you almost outright.

I think inheritance should be equal unless someone has a disability that might limit their earning capabilities.

Equal unless there's a disability.

Good point re disability making a difference. Otherwise equal.

It’s not fair at all. What if your sister wins the lottery and your brother has a terrible accident or illness and can never work again.

It’s their money, no one has a right to it, they could leave it to a donkey sanctuary blah blah blah but as they’ve discussed it with you I think it’s really shit and your brother’s feelings are completely understandable.

If you want to die and leave behind anger, hurt and issues between siblings then by all means leave them separate amounts in your will. Inheritance should always be equal.

@PlanDeRaccordement yes I feel the same
She has worked no less than we have it’s just her career pays less especially compared to DB mine sort of somewhere in between.

I think it is a mistake to split things unevenly but your sister may have had a trickier time than you and that maybe the reason they are living a less secure life. Maybe the difference could be reconciled at the point your sister dies (across grandchildren). Good that GP are discussing it now.

I think it causes resentment if it's not equal, but is there a way they could help your sister with a deposit to buy a property now, then you'll all be on a more equal footing.

Should be equally shared between all three siblings regardless of individual circumstances, otherwise it’s well intentioned but unfair.

@LittleBearPad

Inheritance should be equal. No ifs no buts.

It’s wrong to favour one child over another.

I disagree.

I am a homeowner and have a successful career. Same for DSis.

DB has special needs, he would be unable to live alone.

When my parents pass, his inheritance will need to cover his future expenses, of course he should inherit more than DSIs and I.

There is no disability in any of us. There is a disability within the grandchildren ( my DD )
Which maybe I have a diff view to DB as I will admit when things got really hard with DD my parents were a great help
Financially towards me and I know I would never have been able to stabilise my finances during that Period without them where we I suppose my DB has never asked for a thing.

I think that's fair and if I was in that situation with my sibling, I wouldn't grudge him getting more than me at all. People are so grabby when it comes to inheritance. Its a shame, it brings out a horrible, greedy side to some people.

It’s a long term solution to a possibly short term solution. As others have said - what if circumstances change?
I’d be more likely to leave a life interest in the house to on child with it benefiting all grandchildren equally on death - or 50/50 between other siblings if she predeceases them. Some variation of that.
That way, you give security of housing without lots more money.

One positive I do think is that your parents are upfront about their intentions.

As you will see @cliffdiver I’ve added a caveat to my earlier post.

However this doesn’t apply in this case.

I think unequal splits can work if all on involved are on board and agree.
I’m one of two. My sister and her husband work very hard but their income is always going to be considerably less than our household income. We have been very lucky and are very financially secure.
I would support my parents leaving more to my sisters family.

Personally I think it should be equal unless there is a disability or falling out and parents/children don't talk.

If all three siblings were in agreement then its nice to suggestions to parents that there be a different split but in this case your DB should be listened to.

Just as its not your sisters fault she earns less its not you or your DB's fault you earn more. You have worked for what you have so why should your sis have it all given to her?

If it was split into 3 equal parts would the lesser earning sibling then have enough for a deposit on a mortgage?

If I have anything to leave it will be equal. I've seen people being left unequal amounts or parents controlling how the inheritance is shared. Let's just say that it didn't end well and caused so much unnecessary hurt. I would never do that to my children.

@pigcon1 yes my dad wants to be pro active about things. I feel a bit odd about talking about it with them but it does seem very important to them to sort it out.

The grandchildren will all have equal amounts left to them.

Equal is the only fair way. Adult children will make different choices regarding jobs, children etc so one shouldn’t get more as they chose a different path.

@LittleBearPad

As you will see *@cliffdiver* I’ve added a caveat to my earlier post.

However this doesn’t apply in this case.

Apologies, X post.

Your sister now knows that if she just bides her time she'll get the dream house with no effort while you and bro get nothing in comparison despite working your arses off.

That is a pile of shit

I think it is OK if the thinking is explained and seems 'fair'.

So if the DC getting the house earns less due to being less able or in a lower paid vocation (as opposed to being bone idle at school or choosing to drop out) then the parents wanting 'equal outcome' is not necessarily unfair.

However, rather than leaving the whole house (which could go up a lot in value or have been sold before the parents die), it might be better to either
a) give a gift of say 100k in will and then divide remainder equally
or
b) divide into 7 and two DC get 2 shares, and the less rich DC gets3 shares.

Also depends on the size/value of the house. If it is bigger than the other DC already have then that isn't fair either.