Discussion on inheritance - is it sometimes ok to give children different amounts.

[Whattheactual20201]

Was talking to parents the other day and then DB
We are a family of 3 siblings, I am the youngest at 28 then the eldest is 36.
I have 2 children soon to be 3, my own house with a very small mortgage and not much left to pay. We survive and have luxuries. I do have savings
DB who is a few years older has 1 child but they are trying for number 2 and has a house with an affordable mortgage and a great income.
Eldest is DS who has one child and one on the way. She has always worked as hard as us but does earn a lot less and rents has no savings and lives a bit more day to day than we do.

My parents have always told us the grandkids will have their own “ pot “ which will be equal.

However us as their children will get different amounts due to circumstances.
They would want to leave the house to sister
With w smaller cash inheritance
Then a bigger cash inheritance to me and DB ( it wouldn’t be as much as what the house is worth by any stretch )

I am ok with this and see their point in a way however DB feels a bit hurt they would leave the house to only one of us ?

It's their money

I can see your parents logic here.
Both you and your brother own your own homes, albeit with mortgages.
Your sister doesn't and, from your description, is unlikely to in the near future.
Your parents are just trying to balance things up a bit, rather than "favouring" one child over the other 2.

You brother can choose to be "hurt" if he wishes, but IMHO the decision by your parents has been made for practical reasons.

Just remind them to review the will if your sister wins the Euromillions jackpot!

In an ideal world any inheritance would be equal. The house would be split between the three of you, and any money also split in the same way. However in the real world it's up to the person leaving how they want to split it. Though I think people don't often think of the fallout. In your situation this could cause a rift between your brother and sister and I think that's sad.

Should be equal. We’ve just been through this with my grandparents. Completely left my mother out and gave it all too my uncle. If he died before my Nan, my mother and my 2 children would have got everything but my 2 children more than their own daughter. I was brought up by them and have been left absolutely nothing. The lack of understanding and pain is unbearable. Right up until she died I was there for her

The only time I have Sen this done well is when there is agreement between all parties. I have seen it done when one sibling has done large caring duties and have been compensated with inheritance. But openly discussed prior.

My sister lives in far more straitened circs than the rest of us. I fully expect her to receive more inheritance and have no issue with this

Equal. Unless required to fund future care.

My Uncle has a significant disability. The inheritance between him and my dad was split equally, but his portion is in trust and being managed for him. So far it's been sufficient when combined with state aid to support him.

My dad is aware that should it be insufficient, he will need to make up the shortfall.

Meant my dad felt equally valued by his parents.

It should be pointed out that my father is not expected to live past the next 18 months which is why he wants us all to be in agreement, however my Mum does not want to live in the house come then on her own and has her own finances.
So the other option is they put the house up for sale now and sell it buying a much smaller bungalow for mum.
My mum does not want the money she says she would rather her grandchildren benefit my from it than her who has everything she kind of needs in life at 70. ( we know there is a care pot in case )

It won’t end well, there will inevitably be jealousy or ill feeling. Everyone should receive equal share regardless of circumstances. If they want to give other monies they should whilst still around.

I also think equal is the only fair way (baring disability).
Who knows what the future holds? Your sister might win millions on the lottery, your brother might have something unexpected happen to him which changes his finances.
Everyone chooses a different path in life.

I haven't voted as a) I'm not sure which way the vote is, but, more importantly, there can be no 'set rules'.

What my parents always did for us, and what we always do for our dc is "the best we can, giving the circumstances at the time".

So much of this question comes into an "it depends" scenario.

If one of my dc were lucky enough to have skills and interests that landed them an extremely well paid job with the same amount of training, effort and "hard work" as another dc whose skills an interests took them into a far less well paid job - does it make sense to give them the same ?
If one of my dc married a partner who was a multi millionaire but the other was married to someone who had started with nothing - does it make sense to give them the same?
If one of my dc had nothing in their 50s, but had made decisions in their life to have partied away all they earned whilst the other had made decisions to take on a second job and scrimp and save to get a house - does it make sense to then 'prop up' the one who had spent their money ? (Getting into biblical territory here, I know ). But it is complex.
I mean, I kind of hope that if one of my dc realised another were struggling and they had plenty, they would support their sibling from their own heart and not rely on inheritance, but a lot would depend on how / why there was such a discrepancy between 3 adult dc in their 40s or 50s, who had presumably been given the same chances as children and teens.

Also, If I had money I wasn't going to use / need, and I could help out one of my dc with something so fundamental as them owning a property rather than paying a landlord's mortgage, I would step in earlier and not wait until I was dead.

I also think that if the GC get more than a 'token' amount then your sister is effectively losing out by only having one child...

No sister was not a school drop out etc by any means, actually they was me 🤣🤣🤣

@Level75

Equal unless there's a disability.

I didn't think of that, but you are right.

Otherwise, equal between your CHILDREN. You don't punish or reward their life choices, their luck with biology, and you can't guess the future anyway.

I honestly find it disgusting people who make it obvious they favour one child over the others, or reward the number of grand-children or something.

x posted!

In short, no, because regardless of stated reasons or logic it invariably is experienced as a communication on how much each child is loved and valued. And that rips people and families apart.

@AlexisIsMySpiritAnimal

Your sister now knows that if she just bides her time she'll get the dream house with no effort while you and bro get nothing in comparison despite working your arses off.

That is a pile of shit

She has always worked as hard as us but does earn a lot less and rents has no savings

Meritocracy is a myth - she could be working just as hard and just be on a lower income due to circumstance.

@alexisismyspiritanimal you seem to have painted the sister as a gold digger and/or a slacker when there’s zero suggestion of this whatsoever! She just earns less than the other siblings which isn’t a crime. OP had already stated sister works just as much as herself and brother 😳

The only thing inheritance should be is as per the wishes of the deceased.

I think it's only ok if one child has had more cash assistance from the parents or one child has special needs so needs help with potential medical costs and care in future.

I can say that my sister has worked 98 percent of her days since she was 15, she does not work any less than we do. Out of all us I have probably worked the less in term if hours and substantial periods of leave.

Hmm
If my sibling were struggling and I was comfortable I would probably understand my parents reasoning..does your brother like/care about your sister?

It should also be said that I am also the only child so far who has had a substantial money gift from parents so maybe that’s why I see different from DB.

Most families I have observed, the parents' wealth was distributed unevenly. So commont hat I can't see it as wrong now. I will try to find ways to make the inheritance fair to my own kids, but expect I will also fail to truly achieve that.

@LenaBlack yeh I mean I think my DB and I are probably closer then the 2 of them but we all get a long.