Discussion on inheritance - is it sometimes ok to give children different amounts.

[Whattheactual20201]

Was talking to parents the other day and then DB
We are a family of 3 siblings, I am the youngest at 28 then the eldest is 36.
I have 2 children soon to be 3, my own house with a very small mortgage and not much left to pay. We survive and have luxuries. I do have savings
DB who is a few years older has 1 child but they are trying for number 2 and has a house with an affordable mortgage and a great income.
Eldest is DS who has one child and one on the way. She has always worked as hard as us but does earn a lot less and rents has no savings and lives a bit more day to day than we do.

My parents have always told us the grandkids will have their own “ pot “ which will be equal.

However us as their children will get different amounts due to circumstances.
They would want to leave the house to sister
With w smaller cash inheritance
Then a bigger cash inheritance to me and DB ( it wouldn’t be as much as what the house is worth by any stretch )

I am ok with this and see their point in a way however DB feels a bit hurt they would leave the house to only one of us ?

This may not work out how your parents intended. Everyone seems to be assuming that what your DP have at present (a house and money) will all be there when, sadly, the second parent dies.

However, if the surviving parent requires long-term care, the house may need to be sold to pay for it. Without the house, DSis would then receive a smaller pot of money than OP and her DB, which is the opposite of the parents' intentions.

As PP have said, equal splits aside from the issue of disabilities. Also, advice so the will is drawn up properly, taking into account what happens if one legacy fails, e.g. if one child pre-deceases the last parent does their share pass to their own children or is it split between the surviving siblings?

I think it’s unfair. I am a firm believer that all children should be treated equally. Why should the life choices your sister has made mean she gets more inheritance than you or your brother.

What motivation does she have now to do better? None

Ask your parents what happens if you and your brother choose to give up work, so therefore things become harder for you? Would that change their mind?

In my opinion they are being unfair

I like the idea of your parents helping your sister now with a house deposit since that would make a tangible impact on her life right now.

I think everyone's feelings are valid here from their own perspective. I can understand your parents but also your brother, I don't think it's really for parents to try to level up their children's circumstances. Part of me thinks if I were your sister, I also wouldn't want to be viewed as someone requiring more financial support than my siblings, she may be quite happy with her circumstances already.

I don't understand how your parents can even predict all this at the moment. Things can change- people need to go into care homes and their houses need to be sold ! I have had a few friends in recent years who have been left absolutely zero inheritance because their parents Nursing home fees for Alzheimers have taken the vast majority of any inheritance.

Agree that it should be equal. It also creates an issue if your parents need paid care in the future. Their savings would be used first to pay for this before the house. I have seen a situation with the above where those who had been bequeathed cash got very little as a result as there was no savings left. The house however was safe leaving in a very unequal situation.

My siblings are significantly better of than me but I would feel awful if my parents were to leave me more as a result!!

Just to clear things up

Sister is a midwife.
It won’t be in 20 years time as our dad is not expected to live much longer.
There is already a pot for my mum ( who has her own money and doesn’t want his money ) she also wants to downsize to a smaller place.

Equal. Except for disability, parents should always split as evenly as possible. Even having this discussion will open up fractures (db may feel put out, or ds may feel that db is trying to do her out of her chance at home ownership). Honestly, just split it equally.

I think it should be equal after death, while you're alive you should give whatever you want to the individual dc. Best if they don't tell eachother though!

My children will get the same as I got from my parents, nothing at all.

Sorry, haven’t read all responses. So may have been said already. But be careful though, because there are tax implications for you and your brother
If she gets the house, the rest of the estate will be left to you and your dB.
It’s the residual legatee who pays IHT, so it may be that not only so you get less, but any IHT would also only be suffered by you and DB, confounding the difference

@Possums4evr
Haha my siblings know about the 50k I got they thankfully didn’t have any issue with it.

We have all been very lucky, in the sense that financially we were supported.

I fully understand your parents views.They want all their children to have a good life and if that means they support one more than others then i think its very reasonable.Its their choice anyway and that should be respected.

@Penners99 would you leave them with nothing if you had the ability to give them something ?

I think my sister is getting a bit of a harsh response from some.

I was actually the school drop out and pooped kids out as the term was used, not her.
I was lucky.

It should be equal. I'm talking from experience. My mother left my sister half of her house and money and I only got 1/8th. It has made me hate her.

I have a similar problem to resolve with my two daughters. One very successful at home and at work , the other not so. Its not easy to do what you think is the right thing at any given moment given that anything could happen to change their circumstances for better or worse before or after I sign my will.

My mil’s mother left uneven amounts in her will, with much more going to my mil than her 2 brothers. It completely split the family up and now none of them speak to each other. It’s been awful and so sad.

It’s your parents money it’s up to them how they distribute
I dont think it’s unjust to give different amounts,your sister has a lesser paid job and parents want to give her financial lift
You and your brother are financially sorted she isn’t

I do think inheritance should be equal. It's not her fault she's not as well of as you and your other sibling, but equally that's not your fault either; why should you deserve less just because you've been more fortunate?
The bottom line is that doing things unequally could very well leave a legacy of resentment and bitterness. I doubt your parents have really considered this possibility.

I'm with you OP. I can easily imagine a situation where one sibling works incredibly hard as a nurse or carer and earns relatively low, while other sibling works in a comfortable middle management type job and pulls in £80K without breaking a sweat.

Add in partners, maybe the nurse's husband left or died, and the accountant married another accountant.

Both could work equally hard, in fact who is going to say that the accountant doing her 9-5 from home in slippers works as hard as a nurse at the moment?

Accountant could easily have a big detached house with a small mortgage while nurse barely makes rent each week.

In this situation I'd be very in favour of parents leaving unequally in a will, though as PP have said perhaps helping buy a house with money now makes more sense.

Any sibling who resented an unequal split in these circumstances is a money grabbing arse IMO.

I think it's fair. Your sister hasn't coasted through her life expecting your parents to carry her - she has just been less fortunate.

I would do the same in your parents situation. They have told you what they intend to do - they haven't just sprung it on you after their deaths - and they've explained why. They want to give your sister a little bit of a financial cushion in the same way that you and your brother have managed to achieve for yourselves.

It wouldn't bother me if a sibling got more than I did in these circumstances.

Its up to the parents what they do with their money, they earned it after all.
Plus not all children are equal, in my case my siblings had little to do with our mum in her declining years, they lived in other countries and rarely visited, one was NC for 5 years.

If siblings are willing to fall out with each over something their parents did, it doesn't say much about their relationship.

Equal is the only way. I can't agree with anyone leaving different amounts to their offspring. I also think grandchildren should not inherit. It will be their turn when their parents die.

Equal.

In our set up DH feels he is being penalised for being financially careful - so never having asked for money in advance - and not having children.

His siblings made their choices to have children, life didn't work out for him that way. In the same way some of them are choosing private school some are not, some have chosen higher paying careers than others, some have put in more effort with the relationship with their parents than others and DH definitely did not choose to develop a disability at the age of 40.

Just equal.

Equal. Anything else can breed resentment and hurt.