Discussion on inheritance - is it sometimes ok to give children different amounts.

[Whattheactual20201]

Was talking to parents the other day and then DB
We are a family of 3 siblings, I am the youngest at 28 then the eldest is 36.
I have 2 children soon to be 3, my own house with a very small mortgage and not much left to pay. We survive and have luxuries. I do have savings
DB who is a few years older has 1 child but they are trying for number 2 and has a house with an affordable mortgage and a great income.
Eldest is DS who has one child and one on the way. She has always worked as hard as us but does earn a lot less and rents has no savings and lives a bit more day to day than we do.

My parents have always told us the grandkids will have their own “ pot “ which will be equal.

However us as their children will get different amounts due to circumstances.
They would want to leave the house to sister
With w smaller cash inheritance
Then a bigger cash inheritance to me and DB ( it wouldn’t be as much as what the house is worth by any stretch )

I am ok with this and see their point in a way however DB feels a bit hurt they would leave the house to only one of us ?

It is equal if you measure it by outcome instead of by input, i.e. all three children end up owning a house.

Not everyone can have a high paid job in an unequal society, and often low paid work is more worthwhile for society than high paid work anyway; just undervalued.

DF died this year. Im 48 i got zilch. Sister 47 got £5000. DB 23 who actually isn't fathers but was brought up thinking he was got £50000. DSis 16 got the rest about £450000.
Am i pissed by it ? 47 year old sis got a good job and better life than me no kids but glad she got £5000 treat herself. Little shit nobody go and gamble your £50000 then go and find your real father.
I genuinely don't resent 16 year old sister getting her amount. She is a child left without her dad.
I do think it causes resentment in families not to be left the same.
I feel OP it should be equal. I would feel same as your brother. Not his fault he has done vetter eitger.xxx

I think it’s greatly unfair to divide inheritance between children unequally as a pp has said it does seem like your DSis can now fall back knowing she doesn’t really need to do much knowing she will inherit the entire house (as a pose to you & DB)

I have (much) younger siblings and know that if my DF chose to do the same I’d be getting sod all as I am mid 30’s, married with a child and mortgage and siblings are very early 20’s both still living at home, both still living like teenagers (but both very lovely)

What a horrible split Luddite. How nice it would have been to have had something nice to soften the blow of your DF's death and to remember him by.

After reading replies I'm even more convinced it should be equal inheritance but that your parents should try and help your sister into the property ladder now if they can. I know it's difficult in London but that would be the most helpful thing they could do.

Any inheritance you all get from your mum will hopefully be years and years in the future, and nice but not necessary for your financial well-being. Once they check out IHT your dad will probably realise he needs to leave his estate to your mum, as is usual.

@Luddite26

DF died this year. Im 48 i got zilch. Sister 47 got £5000. DB 23 who actually isn't fathers but was brought up thinking he was got £50000. DSis 16 got the rest about £450000. Am i pissed by it ? 47 year old sis got a good job and better life than me no kids but glad she got £5000 treat herself. Little shit nobody go and gamble your £50000 then go and find your real father. I genuinely don't resent 16 year old sister getting her amount. She is a child left without her dad. I do think it causes resentment in families not to be left the same. I feel OP it should be equal. I would feel same as your brother. Not his fault he has done vetter eitger.xxx

That seems very unfair, do you know the reasoning? Did you know beforehand?

I think inheritances (as everything else) should be equal too, unless there are any special considerations - not just someone earning less.

I’ve written an awful lot of wills and dealt with an awful lot of family fallings out over probate. Unless there is a disability, don’t do it. It will breed resentment.

I can see the point of view here.

Personally I'm on the fence (not helpful I know) but I suppose it depends on circumstances.

I own a house, my sister doesn't but that was due to a combination of her choosing to remain in a low paid job because it was comfortable and not pursuing a romantic partner so if my parents chose to favour her over me I'd be pretty pissed off: her life choices are not my fault.

On the flip side I think "their money, their decision" so I don't know.

When my mum passed away, she left everything to me (house worth £300k no mortgage) as she had not had any contact with the others in over 15 years. Both siblings have now come out of the woodwork wanting everything they can get. Neither had been in the 'new house' where mum lived for the last 12 years!
Completely up to the parents to do what they feel right. Its their choice.
Some will say I am biased though since I was the beneficiary.

That sounds perfectly reasonable in those circumstances @Tazzauk. How can you expect to inherit anything from someone you've chosen not to have contact with for 15 years?

My grandmother left the family home to two of my three uncles , one still lived at home as an adult. The will specified that the other brother could always live in the house too, if he wished. It hurt my mum a lot. As she had nothing and was left a small amount only.
I myself, probably will not receive any of my grandfathers estate as my own father died when I was young, so while my aunts ,uncles and cousins will benefit- I’ll no doubt be left out. It would be nice to be “remembered “ but I don’t need the money, certainly.
Similarly , if my mother was to come into money before her passing , and she choose to leave MORE money to my sibling( who has done nothing with their life, despite us both being from the same disadvantaged background) I would feel utterly betrayed for being successful or working hard to make something of myself.
Unless your DS partner left her unsupported with small children or as others have said, is mentally disadvantaged- I’d expect equals peaquals or accept a very small increase on what was left to you all

My granny died about 7 years ago (grandad died years prior to her). My dad has a twin brother and an older brother however it wasn’t a 3 way split. It was split into 4 but my dad was to get the 1/2 share and the other 1/2 was split in 2 for the other 2 brothers so effectively they got 1/4 of the inheritance, twin was ok with this but older bro was not best pleased. Leave your money the way you want to leave it.

Doing what is FAIR doesn’t necessarily mean EQUAL.

You and your DB don’t necessarily need the money from the house do you. Yes it might be nice but how much difference would a 1/3 of the house extra cash make? Pay off the mortgage a few years earlier, a luxury holiday, a bit more in the pension pot.
To your sister it makes a huge difference. She will be financially secure with her own home. Like you and your DB already are.

I think this is quite FAIR because ultimately they want to know when they die that all of their children are secure and financially settled. That’s their prerogative.

It’s a bit shit to expect it to be equal purely for the sake of it being equal when it leaves your mum and dad still worried / concerned that your sister won’t have the security that their other children do. And ultimately isn’t that what counts?

End of the day, it's their money.
But
A mistake to split unevenly. As pp said, what happens if circumstances change? I think for most people, those given less will always resent it and feel they missed out/were treated unfairly, even if they smile and get on with it
Surely any inheritance will help the one less well off.

The problem is that things could change between now and them dying. Equal would be best

In a way no will is best as it just does order of succession

It should always be equal imo.

Personally, I would have no issue with it. I've seen a lot of "what ifs" thrown around here, however, you cannot plan for every "what if" out there.

However, one solution would be, were I your parents, to leave the house to all three of you, jointly, with the caveat that your sister is to have use of the house for as long as she lives, and is responsible for taxes and upkeep (which she would be if she inherited it outright), and should she want to move, the house would be sold and the proceeds divided equally between the three of you.

@Greenlandthemovie and Letsgetgoing888
He gave me a copy of his will previously around 2000 and i was down for £100000. and little brother the rest.
But as everybody says circumstances change.
I feel he could have left my kids a token amount his only GCs but he chose not to. I felt hurt at first but now i just think good luck to them. I think DS with £5000 probably feels more cheated. And the brother will be fuming he got so much less. The youngest will be oblivious and feel entitled to what she got. Some parents bring children up to feel more entitled.
We all 4 have different mothers . I think £50000 would have been fairer for 3 of us still leaving the youngest with around £345000
But it's there money to leave how they want. And fact is he didn't want to leave me any and there is no point trying to figure out why.

It should always be equal. I think possibly the fact you were adopted and feel you were lucky to have the childhood you did means you are easy -osey about the money. But you shouldn't assume DSis and DB feel the same.
I would say the fact they are siblings will affect the DBs desire for equal treatment. Sell the house, you put the 50K into the pot, and then all 3 get an equal share.
No one knows the future - someone could divorce and lose half their money. Unfairness breeds resentmet. Don't risk that.

My mum was one of 4. My mum and her DS got nothing. DB2 got the successful family business (which has subsequently been passed into his DS) and DB2 (with no children) got the family home plus 2 other properties, which Have been sucked into his new wife’s children’s lives. My mum says families are more important than money, and all 4 are still close.

Gosh @Littlemiceinthecorner that seems harsh on the ladies.

OP looking from a parents point of view i can understand there reasoning.
You say DB had help with childcare which in monetary terms is a big help for a family. Maybe your parents feel they are being fair in terms of help they have given.(including your totally understandable 50k).. hopefully your parents sort it out as smoothly as possible. My thoughts are with you facing the loss of your father.x

Can people not comprehend that life can change? I'm assuming a lot of these coments are from people in their 30's and 40's. Sadly the rug can very quickly be pulled from under somebodys feet.

The pain of dealing with this inequality on top of grief is terrible. I was so naive, thats what hurts.

It doesn't always have to be equal. My sister is twelve years younger than me and my parents' wills leave her a greater proportion of their assets. It seems fair enough to me though, since they've been very generous to me and my DC and will have fewer years to do so with my sister, owing to the age gap.