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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite my DDs friends.

662 replies

Julz1622 · 21/11/2020 11:29

I have booked a socially distanced visit from Santa and Anna and Elsa on Christmas Eve for my daughter (8) and the baby (10 months) I live in a block of flats, and I was telling one of the mum's of one of daughter's friends about it. She said oh let me know what time they are coming and I'll send 'name' across. She has also told a few of the other mums on the block. Now I know some people will think I am being selfish, but I've paid £50 for them to come visit my daughter, I don't want all the kids congregating and ruining it for my daughters.

OP posts:
jessstan1 · 22/11/2020 12:10

I can’t see the reasonableness in asking someone to come to your house dressed up as him with all the fanfare (a sleigh? reindeer? Elsa and Anna?) and expecting your neighbours to explain to their children why he is only interested in the children at number 66.

I wouldn't worry too much. Children aren't daft, they will just see three people in fancy dress and won't think, "This the 'real' Santa and his helpers". They may even see several such scenarios in the run up to Christmas. I doubt there will be any fanfare, reindeer or sleigh either. You can't expect too much for £50 divided between three.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 22/11/2020 12:11

Wow you really hate that the OP is doing this don't you jess

slashlover · 22/11/2020 12:18

Wow you really hate that the OP is doing this don't you jess

It's not about that! Obviously jess knows OPs DD better than OP does, and all children are exactly the same.

jessstan1 · 22/11/2020 12:21

I don't hate it. I just fail to see the point in lying to children and this is going to ridiculous lengths to perpetuate the lie.

mummmy2017 · 22/11/2020 12:28

jessstan1 children enjoy a performance, they enjoy being made to feel special for a few mins, they know and don't care that it's not quiet perfect, and in a few years the very cringeworthyness of what mum did becomes the family in joke.
Try living in the moment, it's what children do.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 22/11/2020 12:30

Say ‘look, I don’t really want this to be a big thing with lots of kids because it isn’t practical. They only talk to the kids in the doorstep so there isn’t room for more. They observe COVID distancing. Plus I don’t want everyone in the block talking about it and bringing their kids because the surprise will get out. So can we drop it please?”

Actually that's a good idea, except that with a CF it probably won't work
If she's a real dyed in the wool type it'll be "Oooo noooo, they just want a look" and then they'll be encouraged to scamper up. Try the covid thing and you'll get "Oooo noooo, there's going to be an exception for Christmas"

Best hope she's not already spread the news to the rest of the block ...

Wheresmykimchi · 22/11/2020 12:31

@jessstan1

I don't hate it. I just fail to see the point in lying to children and this is going to ridiculous lengths to perpetuate the lie.
Oh have a day off will you. Look at the world around you .
GlummyMcGlummerson · 22/11/2020 12:32

@jessstan1

I don't hate it. I just fail to see the point in lying to children and this is going to ridiculous lengths to perpetuate the lie.
So you've never done Santa, tooth fairy, told a white lie to get them to eat their food, etc?
RainingBatsAndFrogs · 22/11/2020 12:37

@Puzzledandpissedoff

Say ‘look, I don’t really want this to be a big thing with lots of kids because it isn’t practical. They only talk to the kids in the doorstep so there isn’t room for more. They observe COVID distancing. Plus I don’t want everyone in the block talking about it and bringing their kids because the surprise will get out. So can we drop it please?”

Actually that's a good idea, except that with a CF it probably won't work
If she's a real dyed in the wool type it'll be "Oooo noooo, they just want a look" and then they'll be encouraged to scamper up. Try the covid thing and you'll get "Oooo noooo, there's going to be an exception for Christmas"

Best hope she's not already spread the news to the rest of the block ...

Yes, but a bit of misinformation about the time it is happening - hint that it is 2 hours later than it is...'anyway lots of kids will probably be in bed' by then...' as the back up plan might do the trick.
CuriousaboutSamphire · 22/11/2020 12:37

@flaviaritt

Sorry but what the neighbours tell their children is really not my responsibility.

The spirit of Christmas for all to see.

Oh stop it!

The paid for experience is for one door, one house, one set of kids!

It's not a street extravaganza!

The other parent was unthinking and ideally OP should have said no straight away. But,as is often the case, when CFs strike it's hard to know what to do!

What is OP supposed to do when the Santa she booked gets 4 or 5 other kids gathered round, all looking happy and expectant? Tell her child to be nice and share / give away her treat?

Oh how I do hate that crap! The only kid who gets to be nice is the one whose parents are paying for the experience in the first place.

Bollocks to that!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 22/11/2020 12:38

@jessstan1

I don't hate it. I just fail to see the point in lying to children and this is going to ridiculous lengths to perpetuate the lie.
Bet you're a joy to play out with!
inappropriateraspberry · 22/11/2020 12:41

@jessstan1 of course they believe in it - because they want to believe! My daughter would be amazed to see Santa, Elsa and Anna turn up at her door!

LolaSmiles · 22/11/2020 12:54

slashlover
I've been finding it funny watching them tie themselves I knots.

Amusingly they didn't disappoint because the brother having a character visit around Christmas is, unsurprisingly, just different.

If I remember correctly, on another thread they were all up for telling a poster they were super unreasonable for being concerned about equality between their house and their ex's house regarding presents for the children. It seems like they just enjoy sticking the boot into people about christmas, with a healthy bit of 'none of you lot understand me' flouncing for good measure

burnoutbabe · 22/11/2020 12:58

do the performers KNOW that it is to be done in a corridor of a block of flats? Or will they find that out when they get there.

And what if people want to get past them into the block?

I can see it working in a house situation with a long path to the front door, at worse other people would crowd around the end of that path.

But a small enclosed corridor? That just seems a big health and safety issue all round.

mummmy2017 · 22/11/2020 13:01

Their getting £50 on Christmas Eve
The Actors will know space is limited, and halls inside flats are far bigger than a garden path.
So funny to see the reason why people think a childlike treat is wrong.

mam0918 · 22/11/2020 13:04

Im curious for the small few who think OP is the rude one, imagine you saved up all year and thew your kid a birthday party where you hired their favorite things then another parent whose child wasnt even invited just 'declares' its their childs birthday too and invites their friends/family to the party then takes half the gifts/party bags... would you all be fine with that?

what OP booked is for HER children only, they are bring prepackaged gift that OP paid for as part of the experiance and likely charge per child... you cant just 'add' on your child, these children wont get the time/games/gift bags and if they do OP will likely have to pay extra.

what the neighbor is doing is crashing the party... just because you see a party doesnt mean you are invited or entitled to anything.

burnoutbabe · 22/11/2020 13:10

i didn't think the actors were going INTO the flat - but performing in "the close" which seems to be the blocks internal corridors?

If it was in the flat, then fine.

But not if in the communal area to the block. That should be kept clear and not have people congretate at all in it, as that causes a nuisannce for other tennants.

jessstan1 · 22/11/2020 13:22

[quote inappropriateraspberry]@jessstan1 of course they believe in it - because they want to believe! My daughter would be amazed to see Santa, Elsa and Anna turn up at her door! [/quote]
So would I!

FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 22/11/2020 13:28

mam0918 I don't think she's wrong exactly but I can see the point of the other children being very disappointed that they're not getting a visit from Santa too. From the description of the OP's flats it would be a bit like having the party in your example close to your neighbours front door rather than inside your own house.

Again, I can see why OP would want to do it for her daughter, I just think the fact it'll happen in a communal hallway is the issue.

Wheresmykimchi · 22/11/2020 13:28

@burnoutbabe

i didn't think the actors were going INTO the flat - but performing in "the close" which seems to be the blocks internal corridors?

If it was in the flat, then fine.

But not if in the communal area to the block. That should be kept clear and not have people congretate at all in it, as that causes a nuisannce for other tennants.

...are you on the wind up? They can't go into the flat!! Hmm
jessstan1 · 22/11/2020 13:29

Why can they not go into the flat?

Wheresmykimchi · 22/11/2020 13:30

@jessstan1

Why can they not go into the flat?
Because unless you're living on Mars , you can't go into anyone elses house at the moment.
jessstan1 · 22/11/2020 13:34

CuriousaboutSamphire:

Bet you're a joy to play out with!

I don't know about 'playing out' precisely but I was always considered to be very lively and playful and enjoyed doing lots of things with children - still do even though I'm 'old' now. However I didn't ever say that 'pretending' was real. It was fun to pretend and imagine different scenarios.

jessstan1 · 22/11/2020 13:37

Wheresmykimchi Sun 22-Nov-20 13:30:31
jessstan1

Why can they not go into the flat?

Because unless you're living on Mars , you can't go into anyone elses house at the moment.
........
Oh blimey, yes of course! I'd completely forgotten about that. Momentarily I hasten to add, I am keeping to the lockdown restrictions.

Wheresmykimchi · 22/11/2020 13:39

@jessstan1

Wheresmykimchi Sun 22-Nov-20 13:30:31 jessstan1

Why can they not go into the flat?

Because unless you're living on Mars , you can't go into anyone elses house at the moment.
........
Oh blimey, yes of course! I'd completely forgotten about that. Momentarily I hasten to add, I am keeping to the lockdown restrictions.

Grin