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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite my DDs friends.

662 replies

Julz1622 · 21/11/2020 11:29

I have booked a socially distanced visit from Santa and Anna and Elsa on Christmas Eve for my daughter (8) and the baby (10 months) I live in a block of flats, and I was telling one of the mum's of one of daughter's friends about it. She said oh let me know what time they are coming and I'll send 'name' across. She has also told a few of the other mums on the block. Now I know some people will think I am being selfish, but I've paid £50 for them to come visit my daughter, I don't want all the kids congregating and ruining it for my daughters.

OP posts:
Original poster
Julz1622 · 21/11/2020 11:53

If there had been an offer of perhaps I can pay a little towards it then I wouldn't mind, and I'm honestly not a selfish cow, but I just wouldn't dream of inviting my daughter round if she had told me about it, but that's just me. Also the close we live in isn't exactly spacious. If they turn up and all the kids and their parents are out they will probably turn around and leave. I think I'll just not mention it again and if I'm asked when they are coming I'll just say I'm not sure and hope they don't see them 😂 not gonna happen I know but never mind. Thanks for all the opinions, x

OP posts:
BorderlineHappy · 21/11/2020 11:53

I think you need to say they cant come.Covid rules.
And you can pass on the number for Santa so they can do it for their kids.

Original poster
Julz1622 · 21/11/2020 11:54

Sorry but what the neighbours tell their children is really not my responsibility. She knows where to book it so if it's gonna scar her child for life then she can fork out and book it for her.

OP posts:
flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 11:55

Sorry but what the neighbours tell their children is really not my responsibility.

The spirit of Christmas for all to see.

Mrsjayy · 21/11/2020 11:56

You could ask her if she wants to go halves on it or say why don't. You book it for the same night imo she is a cheeky mare just inviting her DD over

Runoutofideas45 · 21/11/2020 11:56

If she wants it for her children can she not book and pay for them to come to her too !

ILovesPeanuts · 21/11/2020 11:58

Surely if they're bringing sweets then Santa won't give any to the other children so that won't go down well either. Unless they're coming after dark you may we'll get some extras coming over though.
I agree with you though OP - if you were visiting a grotto you wouldn't take in extras and I can't imagine the Santa wanting to be swamped in these times. You probably only get a few mins so if everyone else is telling Santa what they want, yours might get nudged out. You could suggest to the other parents to see if you can get a group price to include more children while they're there and a longer visit.

Firefliess · 21/11/2020 11:59

If they're standing at the entrance to the block of flats I can't see you've any way of stopping other children looking at them. And any decent Santa actor isn't going to blank other kids who are nearby. But I can't see how that will lesson your DD's enjoyment at all, so does it matter? She might even enjoy taking to the neighbouring children about it afterwards.

Original poster
Julz1622 · 21/11/2020 12:00

Lol. I do understand your thinking, I just think it's a little cheeky for her to tell me, not ask if it's ok, to send her daughter over without even an offer of chipping in. I just wouldn't do that. Would you?

OP posts:
Original poster
Julz1622 · 21/11/2020 12:01

Just so we're clear, I'm not talking about going full undercover mission and not letting anyone see them apart from my kids,. I just don't want any of them coming over to mine or congregating outside my door lol

OP posts:
Meepmeeep · 21/11/2020 12:02

Imagine the outrage if the post had been ‘my friend is booking Anna and Elsa for a doorstep visit for her children, should I send my kids over so they can enjoy without me paying £50 for it.’ If someone posted that they’d be called entitled cheeky fuckers at the very least.

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 12:03

I just think it's a little cheeky for her to tell me, not ask if it's ok, to send her daughter over without even an offer of chipping in. I just wouldn't do that. Would you?

No, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t even ask to join in with an offer of chipping in because (as you say) you’ve booked this for your children alone. I would just take my daughter in the other room and privately think you were really stingy.

Blufandango · 21/11/2020 12:03

Of course your children should be allowed to enjoy the experience that you organised and paid for. Why should you have to host extra people? You don't take all the neighbours' children on holiday, presumably they don't all come round when you make a nice tea. You are not being selfish or a Scrooge. You could tell your friends that the booking doesn't allow for other children, but you'll pass on the details.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 21/11/2020 12:04

Could you rearrange for them to come to a local park or somewhere away from your home ?

flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 12:04

And if I had booked it for my own children, provided there was going to be social distancing I would tell everyone on the street and ask them to come. And I wouldn’t expect money for it.

Mrsjayy · 21/11/2020 12:05

I agree or my neighbours have a bouncy castle will I just send the kids over for a bounce

Namerchanger42 · 21/11/2020 12:06

@flaviaritt

Why? She has paid for it as a treat for her children not the whole bloody block

Because children believe in Father Christmas and it’s a precious, fragile thing. I can’t see the reasonableness in asking someone to come to your house dressed up as him with all the fanfare (a sleigh? reindeer? Elsa and Anna?) and expecting your neighbours to explain to their children why he is only interested in the children at number 66. It’s mean spirited and I find it shocking that anyone would consider it for a moment.

It sounds harsh but this is a service which the OP is paying for, it’s not a charitable event which everyone is free to enjoy. Yes it sounds awful as there’s kids involved but if the neighbours want it they need to pay too.

TBH OP if this id going to cause hassle and a falling out I’d cancel it.

TeachesOfPeaches · 21/11/2020 12:09

I don't think you will be able to stop them congregating near your doorway once they see them arrive.

frazzledasarock · 21/11/2020 12:09

The Santa and Anna, and Elsa must be booked for a time slot, they won’t have time to spend speaking to every child in the neighbourhood surely?

This could get chaotic if everyone sends their child over to yours.

PaperTowels · 21/11/2020 12:10

@Julz1622

It's not really Scrooge. If it was meant for the whole street then we would have all chipped in and paid for it so they could enjoy it together. I wanted to do a nice thing for my children?
How about you say that you can't do that due to space/social distancing/something, but they can book Santa for themselves and give them the info?
Brighterthansunflowers · 21/11/2020 12:11

YANBU

It’s not stingy to want a treat you’ve paid for to be just for your children. Your neighbours and the few vocal ones on here who think it’s fine to send their kids over uninvited to join in are they stingy ones! If they want the treat for their kids they should pay for it themselves

Butchyrestingface · 21/11/2020 12:13

Isn't it possible that Santa and co themselves will not best pleased at having accepted a booking to entertain two kids and turning up to half the neighbourhood?

They may have an entirely different rate for larger gatherings and feel ambushed by a free-for-all.

Chloemol · 21/11/2020 12:14

@flaviaritt

Ok so she lets all the kids come, so after laying her kids get less time than they should do, plus who gets the sweets? They will be expecting to hand these our to one family, not the whole block of flats!

So whose kids are going to be disappointed?

If you want this for your kids then chip in so everything is covered, and the people doing it know how many kids to cater for

slashlover · 21/11/2020 12:15

@flaviaritt

And if I had booked it for my own children, provided there was going to be social distancing I would tell everyone on the street and ask them to come. And I wouldn’t expect money for it.
Would you tell the actors beforehand that it wouldn't just be the two kids they're expecting and actually there was going to be ten times that?
flaviaritt · 21/11/2020 12:15

Of course it’s Scrooge. What would Scrooge say if someone asked him to share something? “No! I paid for it!”

This is that. The OP can do what she likes, of course.

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