To turn down £50k?

[TigerPig89]

My partner and i have been together for more than 5 years, we have both recently reached 30, and have a baby under 1. We are more bonded for life than marriage, with our son, and not being married yet doesn't bother me, although I think it is relevant to my dilemma.

So, we are going to buy our first house. I can put in £15k of the deposit, but my partner has had many years in higher education and doesn't have as much savings.

His parents have a successful business, I'd say they are well off, but also very hard working with alot of their money probably in their business.

So his parents told us they had given money to his brother for his deposit so my partner asked to borrow £7k to bring his half of the deposit up to mine.

They offered to give us £50k as they'd done the same for his brother and wife. They said they'd rather give it now than him inherit it when they're gone.

I don't feel comfortable, I feel like our deposit should be equal or I won't feel like it's my house.

My partner isn't so sure and is thinking about accepting.

AIBU to feel uneasy about it? Or crazy to turn down the money?

Sorry for the long winded story, but would love opinions xx

If you are that torn up about this, then perhaps you two aren't as "bonded" as you think you are. It is seldom that both partners contribute equally to a family's income, and fairly common for in-laws to contribute in the way you described. Not "every day" common, but certainly not rare! Since they have stated that it is a pre-payment on his inheritance, then simply make sure there are no strings attached, and accept it gracefully. And gratefully. It is as important in this life to be a graceful, cheerful receiver as a graceful, cheerful giver.

And, when you think about it, not to accept the money may well be seen as a slap in the face of your child's grandparents. They want to do something to make the lives of their family easier, and you and your child are part of that, marriage or no.

@NeonIcedcoffee huh?

Whatever you decide get a legal document to prove it all. Or get married?! Personally I didn’t do either, but I bet my ex wishes we’d had something in writing or married, as we separated after 30, 2 kids and a dog.... It was my home, he’s in effect lost. Just be aware.

You are not being unreasonable to question and discuss it, if l was your partner l would be humbled by your views

I hope you get your home and prosper as a family unit happily, as his parents would be seeing you all enjoying their contribution whilst they can!

You can ring fence each of your deposit amounts if it makes you feel better, then buy as tenants in common 50:50 split after the deposits are deducted

Surely it’s up to your OH if he wants to accept his inheritance now rather than later and then his decision how to spend it. You may be able to use it to buy a better property.

I agree with Wineismycarb. Many unplanned things happen in life (death, divorce, cheating, etc., etc.). Best to secure what you can while you can. Her advice seems solidly sound and worth following.

" First of all I would suggest getting married so that you are financially protected in case of a split. Dress off ASOS, register office, meal with family at local Italian.
Then have a solicitor draw up a Deed of Trust to make clear that in the event of a split, you both get the same size of 'pie' as you put in, if that is your wish.
By accepting the £50k you will reduce your mortgage and mean you can provide your DC with more opportunity, as will have smaller mortgage repayments.
Accept graciously and make your legal arrangements sensibly."

Take it because it stops it going in care fees

His parents could be under 50!