To be frustrated at people that think I'm too young to be TTC..

[vimtooo]

Hello,

So my partner and I have been together for 8 years. I'm 23 (almost 24) and my partner is 26.
We are engaged, own our own home without a mortgage (we are extremely lucky) and are always on time with our bills.
We both work full time.

Anyway. I ask this, because I've been told by a close family friend that we are way too young and irresponsible to be trying to have a baby, when we are just 'babies' ourselves.

This comment has really upset me. I don't feel as though we are too young or immature at all. We pay our own way for everything we have, we work hard and save hard and this is something we have waited for, until it felt like the right time.
Our wedding was called off due to COVID-19 and this is something we both want.. 💓

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I don't feel like this is the wrong decision for us.

[Lemondropsandgumdrops]

We started TTC at 23 too. I had hugely irregular periods (cycles lasting up to triple figures) and went to the GP to discuss. I had the most awful, patronising GP who told me I was too young to be worrying about this, and not to come back to her unless I’d gone a year without a period and wasn’t pregnant.

I went home so upset, but rebooked with another GP the following week who sent me for the appropriate investigations (blood tests and internal scans), agreed it was not normal to have the cycles I was having, and was overall very supportive. She also ended up being the GP who did both my and my daughters 12 week check after I had her a year later :) Basically the point of my story is there will be those people who think you’re too young - 23 is not too young and it sounds like you’re ready and have thought about this. The only thing I’d suggest is not sharing that you’re TTC - it’s no one else’s business, and also stops the constant ‘are you pregnant yet?!’ Questions from people that know!

[Thiswayorthatway]

Why tell people you are TTC anyway, never understood the need

[Sparklingbrook]

Why do people tell other people they are TTC? Stop sharing personal stuff with close family friends and you won't get their opinion.

[goose1964]

I was 24when I had my first. You get to do stuff when they're older and you're still relatively young. You may not get pregnant immediately either. Why are they sticking their noses in anyway? None of their business.

[CakeRequired]

How did you end up mortgage free so young? Just curious, I'm guessing an inheritance?

It is young really to want to start a family. None of your friends are likely to be doing it, unless accidentally, but rarely planned. I'd assume you're still going out with them, partying and stuff so how are you going to feel stopping all of that? Someone has a birthday party or even just a party in their house, you guys can't go because you've got the baby and no childcare. You can't just hand the baby off to someone everytime you want to go out, which while young tends to be a lot understandably.

I think you'd be mad not to go travelling instead in your situation. You're mortgage free, you have savings, go see the world instead. That's again something you'll struggle to do with a child. Do that before children.

[vimtooo]

Only told this family member we are TTC as she's been an extremely close - almost mother figure to me my entire life. We are very close and talk about everything. Nobody else knows about this other than my partner and I. Absolutely not going around and shouting this from the rooftops! 🥴

[Waxonwaxoff0]

Some of these comments are so patronising. It's not "immature" to be upset at a family friend being so rude. Mumsnet is ridiculous sometimes. 🙄

[SleepingStandingUp]

I don't think you're too young as such, we can't possibly know without knowing what you've done with your life. Bit I would get married first. If you're in the UK, you can get married.

[GoldfishParade]

Also re paying your own way for everything you have, and being savvy with your money: I think most people would be if they had been gifted a house. I'm saying that because you are young, dont fall into the trap of thinking privilege is synonymous with moral standing

[Waxonwaxoff0]

CakeRequired not everyone wants to go travelling. People are different.

[vimtooo]

Luckily we don't go out drinking or clubbing, it's never been of interest to either of us!
We have done most of the holiday and sight seeing that we have wanted to do ☺️
Another friend is currently TTC (very very recent decision)
My other close friend has two children.
Xx

[whatwouldyoudo85]

I'd say it's young but it's not too young if you feel ready. You seem to be in a great position financially, much better than many people when they have their first child.

It's not really anyone else's business though!

[Sparklingbrook]

@vimtooo

Only told this family member we are TTC as she's been an extremely close - almost mother figure to me my entire life. We are very close and talk about everything. Nobody else knows about this other than my partner and I. Absolutely not going around and shouting this from the rooftops! 🥴

You didn't have to tell them though. I am really close to loads of friends and family but didn't tell a soul as I didn't want the constant questions, especially when I had no idea if I could conceive or how long it might take. You don't need that.

You knew by telling them they would have an opinion.

[1990shopefulftm]

I got pregnant with my 1st baby at 24, he was born a couple of weeks ago.
We re married, been together 7 years and both have stable jobs and it definitely feels like the right timing for us.

A pregnancy and labour during covid wasn't how I imagined but I m glad to have had him at this age, I had sepsis and a couple of other issues and not the most pleasant hospital experience which has been challenging to recover from but I m glad to have gone through it now rather than waiting longer. It's also always been important to me that if I had children I d been more likely to be alive for them as long as possible.

[vimtooo]

@GoldfishParade I'm not saying that at all! we have always been good with our money, we don't go out much so don't really spend much in turn, that's all...

[CakeRequired]

@Waxonwaxoff0

She asked for opinions, I gave one. Up to her if she does it or not.

[vimtooo]

@Sparklingbrook understandable, yes.

[TheMarzipanDildo]

A house and mortgage free at 23!

You are young but people reach different points in their life at different times 🤷‍♀️

[legopolicelady]

You are in your prime so go for it.

[vimtooo]

Yes we are extremely lucky but will never loose sight of reality. We have had to work extremely hard to be in this position and will never ever be ungrateful for that.
We have had 8 lovely happy years together and done most of the things we have wanted to do. Xx

[SleepingStandingUp]

What job are you in op that you and DP are mortgage free? What will a year out do to your career? And if you want a few close together or to go back part time?

[CakeRequired]

Luckily we don't go out drinking or clubbing, it's never been of interest to either of us!
We have done most of the holiday and sight seeing that we have wanted to do

Go for it then if you want to do it. Just be absolutely sure it's what you both want. There's no going back obviously once it's done.

[Sparklingbrook]

[quote vimtooo]@Sparklingbrook understandable, yes. [/quote]
Thanks. It's just extra pressure because people are expecting an announcement all the time if they know you are TTC.
It was lovely to tell everyone when I did get pregnant because they had no idea a baby was on the cards at all.

[PiggyPokkyFool]

Have a baby if that is what you want @vimtooo - no-ones business but your own BUT are you saying that at 23 you saved enough money to pay for a house outright without any assistance?
Where do you live and how did you manage that?

[legopolicelady]

Btw I had my DD at 23 and the pregnancy and childbirth were so easy. I can't deal with pain so I imagine if I'd had her later that pregnancy would have been tough.