To be frustrated at people that think I'm too young to be TTC..

[vimtooo]

Hello,

So my partner and I have been together for 8 years. I'm 23 (almost 24) and my partner is 26.
We are engaged, own our own home without a mortgage (we are extremely lucky) and are always on time with our bills.
We both work full time.

Anyway. I ask this, because I've been told by a close family friend that we are way too young and irresponsible to be trying to have a baby, when we are just 'babies' ourselves.

This comment has really upset me. I don't feel as though we are too young or immature at all. We pay our own way for everything we have, we work hard and save hard and this is something we have waited for, until it felt like the right time.
Our wedding was called off due to COVID-19 and this is something we both want.. 💓

Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I don't feel like this is the wrong decision for us.

[jessstan1]

@Ginfordinner

What's the rush?

23 is young to be TTC. Assuming all is well, you have many fertile years ahead of you.

Exactly. Enjoy being young, it doesn't last long. You don't have to wait indefinitely but leave it until your late twenties.

[Mmn654123]

They’re jealous.

You are young and mortgage free. Have as many babies as you like while you are young and energetic and enjoy your lives together.

Be happy. Don’t kept negative people in your life.

[thepeopleversuswork]

I don't think its "irresponsible", particularly in your set up when you are financially sorted and have your head screwed on.

But I do think its a bit of a waste. To me the idea of spending your 20s and early 30s on child-rearing is squandering the most experimental years of your life. You've got decades for that, why would you put yourself through it when your peers are out doing interesting things?

The only real plus point I can see is time is on your side with fertility: but why wouldn't you wait just five years? Think of what you will miss out on...

[Sparkles512]

I am in a similar situation, I was 22 when we got married.
I will be 26 in December and my husband is 30, we have our own house and are financially secure.
We are trying but again people think we are too young, just like they did when I got married.
None of my friends are married or have children.
We just do what makes us happy and what we feel is right for us.
Good luck!

[Rollingfog]

Ignor other people’s opinions but also know that once you have a baby they will have even more options...ignore those too! I was 25 when I had my oldest after getting married at 24 after spending 6 years together before that. We had traveled, partied, lived and where very ready for the next step and I don’t regret it at all. It never felt “young”Fertility wise it is the perfect age actually. Not everyone want to be an older mum either I’m not saying there is any wrong with having a baby in your early 40ties my own mother did but for me I’m very happy that I will only be 45 when my son is 20 and I will get to enjoy many many years with my children.

[Sparklingbrook]

She is very traditional and old school in her views and opinions

When/if your baby arrives brace yourself for lots of opinions about your parenting then. And possibly falling out.

[2Kidsinatrenchcoat]

It is young but not TOO young. But then I had my first at 18, far from an ideal situation but I’ve managed just fine. I’d say get the wedding done first, if only so that you can have a romantic honeymoon without worrying about childcare!

[Mommabear20]

Age doesn't matter, maturity does, and by the sound of it you are very mature. I'm 26 and married, we had our first DC this June, but we don't own our own home and no one had an issue so I don't see the difference.

[MoonJelly]

I think it's a bit sad that you both feel you have done all the travelling you want. The world is an absolutely wonderful place and, at 23, there is no way you have seen even a representative sample.

[Candyfloss99]

You are too young. Live your life. Travel. Be worry free.

[MyCassiopiea]

People have opinions on everything when it comes to other people's TTC journey. Too young/too old, married/unmarried, breastfeeding/formula, when are you having another one/god you're not having another one are you?!

Just do what feels right for you and ignore other people

[vimtooo]

@Sparklingbrook absolutely expecting this! 😟😖 x

[Mmn654123]

Most of those people out enjoying their 20’s are looking for love and trying to achieve financial security. So they can do what you are doing. If you have found love and you want children, have them young. Enjoy road trips and camping and hiking with your husband and kids. If you’re enjoying the journey there is no right or wrong path. Why delay?!

[Micsam89]

You're not too young. If that's what you both want, go for it. You sound similar to me and my DH. We married at 20 (did get a few comments that we were very young), and we were never into clubbing etc. Where we live in Australia, many couples were having children in their early 20's. Most of my friends had completed their families by the time they were 25. I'm the odd one out at 31 with no children. My Dr even said to me recently that she recommends first babies to be born by the time the mother is 30, and that if I want kids I should be planning it to happen in the next year or two.

[Mmn654123]

@MoonJelly

I think it's a bit sad that you both feel you have done all the travelling you want. The world is an absolutely wonderful place and, at 23, there is no way you have seen even a representative sample.

They can travel with kids. And when the kids are grown up. Airlines allow children.

[DariaMorgendorffer]

If you have support, maturity & financial security, I think it's a great age to try for a baby. Would definitely add to the chorus of 'get married first' though.

[VinylDetective]

@TrainspottingWelsh

Quite apart from being patronising as fuck, all the comments about travel, going out, careers etc are irrelevant as fuck. If they are things you want or enjoy, it makes no odds whether you 'miss out' in your 20's, 30's, 40's or 50's.

In the same way my peers had more freedom when I had young dc, I now have more freedom when they have young dc. Both have advantages and disadvantages.

This. I was 21 when my son was born. Early 20s is the optimum time physically. You cope with lack of sleep better and your body recovers quickly. If I’d waited until I was in my late 30s it wouldn’t have happened, the time was past.

[MyPersona]

@vimtooo

Yes we have our home mortgage free, I will never ever loose touch with life and reality though and will forever be grateful for our position. We both have very good jobs and are extremely fortunate. X

What do you mean by very good jobs? It’s difficult to see how you could have finished your education and any professional training and be far up the career ladder two years after graduating. Also you say you’ve had 8 years together doing the things you’ve wanted to do, but for half of that time you weren’t actually adult and able to do the things that adults do. How big is your house, did you move straight to a family house? How did you manage to save a ‘good chunk’ towards full ownership of a house whilst studying or training for a career? Most would be unable to save for a deposit in that timeframe. So many questions 🤔

[Imapotato]

I had my first at 19 and my second at 22. Was it too young? For me, no it absolutely wasn’t. My kids love that I’m way younger than most of their friends parents and they certainly haven’t missed out by having a young mother. Tbh I think it’s an advantage in many ways.

If you feel ready then go for it! It’s your life and you can live it however you choose. In 10 years time your child will be pleased that you’re only in your early 30s when most of their friends parents are 40+.

[TheFormerPorpentinaScamander]

Sounds like you're in a great position to start TTC. I had 2 DC by your age and I'm glad I had them when I did.
I'm 36 now, and didn't fall pregnant in my last relationship (from ages 33-35). It's not him that was the issue as his new gf is pregnant. So I can only assume its me.

I was never one for partying and didn't want to travel so don't feel like I missed out on anything.

[GeorgiaGirl52]

@Ginfordinner

What's the rush?

23 is young to be TTC. Assuming all is well, you have many fertile years ahead of you.

If you are really mature and committed to each other, have the wedding first.

[MarthaWashingtonsFeralTomcat]

Why have you discussed your plans with anyone?! Just get on with it if you're sure it's what you want.

Do you want to be married first, though? It depends on who the financially less-likely-to-become dependent one is, as to whether this js in your personal best interests, though. You're obviously financially very comfortable.

[gettingbetter2020]

Not too young! I had my baby when I was 23, now 24. Before I was pregnant people would always say 'soo are you getting broody yet?' And when I said yes and we want a baby soon, they'd say 'nooo you have your whole life ahead of you!' As if I'm not already living! And we wanted to spend our lives with our kids! All of our dreams and adventures will include our kids, and we have no regrets! You sound like you will be a lovely Mum, if you feel ready, you are.

[JustHereWithPopcorn]

I don't think 23 is too young, by the time you fall pregnant or have the baby you may be 24, I fell pregnant at 25 and it was the best thing that's ever happened to us. I felt like I was at a perfect age and it's worked well for us. Good luck to you, just be prepared for lots of unwanted opinions so keep things between you for as long as possible

[vimtooo]

@MyPersona it's okay.
We are both in good jobs (well paid) not necessarily what people would call a good job in the sense of being high up the ladder, but our jobs provide enough for us.
We have been fortunate. We saved our deposit and a good chunk of our mortgage paid before coming into some money to pay off the rest.
Yes we are in a family sized home.

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