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Original poster

To take a hammer to DH Xbox!!! Am I overacting or is he in the wrong?

283 replies

Dandylioness1 · 19/11/2020 23:00

DH (36) & I (32) had our first baby in February.

DH has always been a gamer. He’s an introvert, not the kind of guy that goes to the pub with his mates (think he’s done that once or twice)
His Xbox is his hobby and what he does to have time to himself.

Since DS came along his Xbox time has reduced but I don’t seem to hear the end of it.

He’s always telling me how his brother (8 years younger than him with no job) plays 4 hours a day and how he’d love to have more time playing.

It was DH birthday at the weekend so we agreed I’d go to bed (Xbox downstairs) so that he could have some time on his games.

Saturday I went to bed 9pm and he stayed up until 1am.
DS had a really unsettled night (teething) and I had little sleep.

DH asked if could play again Sunday.
DS was having a rough day with his teeth and didn’t nap and I know we’d be in for another rough night.
I mentioned to DH that I would go to bed 7-9 in the spare room whilst DH settled our son. I’d then go into our room at 9 and DH could go down and have the rest of the night on his Xbox whilst I looked after teething DS.

DH told me he couldn’t to this as he was just too tired to stay awake (too much gaming the night before!! ) to watch DS for two hours.

I told DH that I assumed this would mean he wouldn’t be having Xbox time to which he told me he would as Xbox requires concentration so it’s easier to stay awake Hmm

I told him this was ridiculous and that I was pissed off, his response was that I was an ignorant nobhead and I clearly didn’t understand anything about gaming....

Wanting to avoid an argument I took DS to bed and he stayed up and had Xbox time again.

Tonight after work he told me he would be having a few hours on his Xbox.

I mentioned to him that he’d had a good chunk of time at the weekend and he got arsey with me and then told me I have plenty of time to myself and he should get some too.

I asked him when I get time to myself and he was referring to the hour (sometimes two) I get during the day when DS naps (always on me) and I watch Netflix.

I really do not think this is the same as him
having uninterrupted Xbox time without having to watch DS?! Is it?!

Am I in the wrong. I really feel like smashing that bloody Xbox to bits.

OP posts:
BluePheasant · 19/11/2020 23:28

He "helps" do the dishes? As in you still have to be involved in this task even though you cooked?

He sounds like he is bitter and jealous about you being on maternity leave? Some men seem to think mat leave is just one long holiday and think that gives them the gold card to do exactly as they please outside of their work hours. Guarantee he will gradually do less and less to "help" and the gaming time will increase.

Original poster
Dandylioness1 · 19/11/2020 23:29

@MyOwnSummer

You're not being unreasonable. Can you leave the baby with him for a few hours on a weekend day - over naptime - and leave him to it?

Then he will have had time to himself just like you do in the week, right?

That should make the point nicely. He's being a prick. Too tired to parent but not too tired to play xbox? Fuck off!

@MyOwnSummer

I’ve actually thought about doing this!!

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 19/11/2020 23:32

Do not fall into the trap of thinking that him doing the slightest thing related to housework is HELPING!!!! He should be doing his fair share of everything- including taking care of the baby.

Original poster
Dandylioness1 · 19/11/2020 23:32

@Regularsizedrudy

What possessed you to procreate with this man-child? He needs to get a grip.

His Xbox never really bothered me before DS.
It was always his thing but when he had his nights on the Xbox, It was when I’d meet up with a friend for drinks or dinner etc, so I was never confined to having to sit upstairs.

We both had our “me time” on the same night.

I haven’t met with a friend or family member alone since having DS (my choice)

OP posts:
Smallsteps88 · 19/11/2020 23:33

How attractive. I predict baby no.2 will be along in no time as you surely can’t keep your hands off this man child.

Original poster
Dandylioness1 · 19/11/2020 23:35

@BluePheasant

He "helps" do the dishes? As in you still have to be involved in this task even though you cooked?

He sounds like he is bitter and jealous about you being on maternity leave? Some men seem to think mat leave is just one long holiday and think that gives them the gold card to do exactly as they please outside of their work hours. Guarantee he will gradually do less and less to "help" and the gaming time will increase.

@BluePheasant

Yeah. I cook the meals. After dinner I will wash the pots and clean down the high chair etc, whilst DH has half hour with DS.

Then I will go and do bath time whilst DH dries and puts the pots away.

OP posts:
MrDarcysMa · 19/11/2020 23:35

Is he 13? 🥴

MedusasBadHairDay · 19/11/2020 23:39

I'm a gamer, when DS was lemme and refused to fall asleep unless held I just stuck him in a sling and gamed while holding him. In all honesty the baby phase was the easiest time to combine parenting and gaming, it was as they got older and they needed more attention, or became more aware that I cut down gaming time.

Hobbies are great, but the children have to come first. He's not a baby, he should grow up and stop using gaming as an excuse to shirk.

BigBlueBow · 19/11/2020 23:47

So he dries some pots and does a couple of baths? Id hardly call that being good with housework.

In all honesty sounds like he has more free time than me and i dont have any dc. He sounds incredibly bitter about your maternity leave. I also think its really sad that he wanted his wife to go to bed early on his birthday so he can play xbox. Do you find him attractive? Id really struggle

Stitchyfingers · 19/11/2020 23:48

I could have written this post! DD was born in August and my partner has not particularly cut down on his gaming time but I've had to sacrifice my hobbies as it's "easier for me to stop and see to her". I've started to resent him for sitting and socialising with his mates for 4 hours + every night while I sit alone with the baby. I wish I'd have realised before that he was too selfish for children.

No advice OP but feel your pain!

PrincessNutNut · 19/11/2020 23:49

@Stitchyfingers

I could have written this post! DD was born in August and my partner has not particularly cut down on his gaming time but I've had to sacrifice my hobbies as it's "easier for me to stop and see to her". I've started to resent him for sitting and socialising with his mates for 4 hours + every night while I sit alone with the baby. I wish I'd have realised before that he was too selfish for children.

No advice OP but feel your pain!

What kind of a life is this for you?
Original poster
Dandylioness1 · 19/11/2020 23:51

@BigBlueBow

* He sounds incredibly bitter about your maternity leave. I also think its really sad that he wanted his wife to go to bed early on his birthday so he can play xbox. Do you find him attractive? Id really struggle*

Honestly, I think he’s bitter too. Really I do.

A few months ago he told me I should be doing something productive with my day, I asked him what he suggested and he said watch a good series (which was odd he’d suggest that as I’ve really never been into Tv that much)

So I took his suggestion and it seems to have backfired.

I’ve always been attracted to DH’s personality (looks too) but recently I’m really not sure if I like him anymore 😔
His behaviour just isn’t nice but the worst thing is that he makes me feel like I’m the one that’s unreasonable.

OP posts:
PurpleFlower1983 · 19/11/2020 23:53

Eugh, my ex was like this! Thankfully I didn’t marry him or have a child with him! I wouldn’t touch another gamer with a barge pole, it’s an awful life!

EKGEMS · 19/11/2020 23:53

My advice? Ultimatum time-grow up or you're walking out

PurpleFlower1983 · 19/11/2020 23:54

Honestly, I would be giving him an ultimatum or considering your options. He seems to far gone for adult compromise.

PurpleFlower1983 · 19/11/2020 23:55

*too

Original poster
Dandylioness1 · 19/11/2020 23:55

@EKGEMS

My advice? Ultimatum time-grow up or you're walking out
@EKGEMS

Honestly, I think he’d welcome me saying this. 😔

OP posts:
BluePheasant · 19/11/2020 23:55

So he half does the dishes and sometimes does bathtime Hmm it's not a lot is it? And he has the nerve to complain that you watch a bit of TV while DS has a nap?

He is not meant to be "helping" you with the chores and childcare. When he's at home, they are his tasks to do just as much as they are yours.

Needsakickupthearse · 19/11/2020 23:57

I could have sworn you were talking about a 13 year old, if it wasn't for the fact that you kept saying "DH". The whole post reads like you trying to manage a stroppy teenager.

I am a gamer. Bloody love it. Pre DC I could have spent easily 20 hours a week gaming. But then DC came along and my priorities changed. Now I'm lucky if I get 3 hours a week. That's fine by me because, as you might expect, my DC are more important to me than playing games on the Xbox. I don't need my partner there managing my gaming time because I don't give him reason to. Family comes first, end of story.

Your DH needs to grow up, fast.

Bunnymumy · 19/11/2020 23:59

The early he spoke to you-not remotely acceptable.

4 hours per day would probably be an upper limit for ne tbf for xbox. But only if he is also doing his fair share of the house work and child rearing.

I think the bigger issue is his lack of respect in the way he speaks to you.

Bunnymumy · 20/11/2020 00:00

*the way he spoke to you

Original poster
Dandylioness1 · 20/11/2020 00:00

@Needsakickupthearse

I could have sworn you were talking about a 13 year old, if it wasn't for the fact that you kept saying "DH". The whole post reads like you trying to manage a stroppy teenager.

I am a gamer. Bloody love it. Pre DC I could have spent easily 20 hours a week gaming. But then DC came along and my priorities changed. Now I'm lucky if I get 3 hours a week. That's fine by me because, as you might expect, my DC are more important to me than playing games on the Xbox. I don't need my partner there managing my gaming time because I don't give him reason to. Family comes first, end of story.

Your DH needs to grow up, fast.

@Needsakickupthearse

As a gamer, do you agree that you could be too tired to watch your child but have the energy to play Xbox?

DH told me I didn’t understand him saying this as I’m not a gamer (so he accused me of being ignorant of how being a gamer works)

OP posts:
DontCryForMeNextdoorNeighbour · 20/11/2020 00:01

Good god why did you marry this manchild, let alone have a child with him?!

Bunnymumy · 20/11/2020 00:04

Depends what game you are playing as to how much concentration you need. I know I suck at new games and any game that requires focus like ones with shooting enemies. But some games are easy enough even when tired. Some are pretty relaxing.

Just a thought but, how about you ask him to introduce you to gaming? Theres something for everyone. Maybe if you asked for a night free per week to game yourself, whilst he watched the kids,he would be more understanding for his turns in future.

Original poster
Dandylioness1 · 20/11/2020 00:05

@DontCryForMeNextdoorNeighbour

Good god why did you marry this manchild, let alone have a child with him?!

His Xbox time pre DS was always when I was out (which was several times a week)
I went to a fitness class, a weight loss class.
Met my mum or a friend for dinner etc.
All of which I don’t do now.

I never really saw how much he gamed before or how much he seemed to “need” to game.

OP posts: