DH (36) & I (32) had our first baby in February.
DH has always been a gamer. He’s an introvert, not the kind of guy that goes to the pub with his mates (think he’s done that once or twice)
His Xbox is his hobby and what he does to have time to himself.
Since DS came along his Xbox time has reduced but I don’t seem to hear the end of it.
He’s always telling me how his brother (8 years younger than him with no job) plays 4 hours a day and how he’d love to have more time playing.
It was DH birthday at the weekend so we agreed I’d go to bed (Xbox downstairs) so that he could have some time on his games.
Saturday I went to bed 9pm and he stayed up until 1am.
DS had a really unsettled night (teething) and I had little sleep.
DH asked if could play again Sunday.
DS was having a rough day with his teeth and didn’t nap and I know we’d be in for another rough night.
I mentioned to DH that I would go to bed 7-9 in the spare room whilst DH settled our son. I’d then go into our room at 9 and DH could go down and have the rest of the night on his Xbox whilst I looked after teething DS.
DH told me he couldn’t to this as he was just too tired to stay awake (too much gaming the night before!! ) to watch DS for two hours.
I told DH that I assumed this would mean he wouldn’t be having Xbox time to which he told me he would as Xbox requires concentration so it’s easier to stay awake 
I told him this was ridiculous and that I was pissed off, his response was that I was an ignorant nobhead and I clearly didn’t understand anything about gaming....
Wanting to avoid an argument I took DS to bed and he stayed up and had Xbox time again.
Tonight after work he told me he would be having a few hours on his Xbox.
I mentioned to him that he’d had a good chunk of time at the weekend and he got arsey with me and then told me I have plenty of time to myself and he should get some too.
I asked him when I get time to myself and he was referring to the hour (sometimes two) I get during the day when DS naps (always on me) and I watch Netflix.
I really do not think this is the same as him
having uninterrupted Xbox time without having to watch DS?! Is it?!
Am I in the wrong. I really feel like smashing that bloody Xbox to bits.
AIBU?
To take a hammer to DH Xbox!!! Am I overacting or is he in the wrong?
Dandylioness1 · 19/11/2020 23:00
I've read all your posts but not all the replies.
Several things jump out at me. Well, the main thing is that he's a twat, but I'll try to break it down into more constructive points.
Firstly he is utterly clueless and lacking in empathy and appreciation about what you are doing as the mother of his child.
"He said that he feels like his job never ends as he’s working all day and then comes home to more work at home."
That's bullshit, he has a lunch break at work and when he gets home he "helps" a small amount, then does gaming for hours and then has an uninterrupted night's sleep.
You're the one whose job literally never ends, because you're on maternity and breastfeeding a baby, so you are literally on call 24/7. Sitting watching tv or looking at your phone while feeding/holding the baby while the nap is not "me time", it can be utterly boring and frustrating when you're absolutely dying to put baby down (or give baby to someone else) and go to the toilet, make yourself a drink/snack with both hands, or do whatever you want without juggling a baby at the same time.
Secondly, he is addicted to gaming. I expect the usual rules of addiction apply. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it. He will only address his addiction if he wants to, and it sounds as if that's the last thing he wants. He is nasty to you when you try to prevent him from gaming 
Thirdly, he insulted you and didn't apologise. That's verbal abuse. It's one of the basic principles of a relationship that it's NOT OK to insult each other, and that if we do lose our temper and insult each other, we apologise afterwards. If he's not willing to accept that insulting you was wrong and apologise, he doesn't respect you and there's no much of a basis for a relationship there.
Couple's counselling might possibly help but only if he's willing to engage with it and if you get a very good counsellor.
It doesn't sound hopeful tbh. The worst thing is that instead of being angry with him (which you should be) you seem to taking his twattish comments to heart and allowing him to make you feel like shit. DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO DAMAGE YOUR SELF ESTEEM LIKE THIS. You are parenting pretty much single handedly (let's not pretend that his half hearted occasional help is making much difference) and you're doing a damn good job. You are a wonderful mother and you’d be a good partner too if he was at all interested in spending time with you. He's a fool and it's his fucking loss for missing out on his wife and child.
Perhaps get some counselling for yourself. At the very least you should do something for yourself once a week whether it's a walk with a friend or whatever you can do atm that you would enjoy. WITHOUT BABY.
Oh and if you're not getting much milk from expressing, could you not just let baby have formula on the occasions you want to leave baby with him and have a break?
@GG999
Yes. So easily done. And have you read all the OP's posts?
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.