To take a hammer to DH Xbox!!! Am I overacting or is he in the wrong?

[Dandylioness1]

DH (36) & I (32) had our first baby in February.

DH has always been a gamer. He’s an introvert, not the kind of guy that goes to the pub with his mates (think he’s done that once or twice)
His Xbox is his hobby and what he does to have time to himself.

Since DS came along his Xbox time has reduced but I don’t seem to hear the end of it.

He’s always telling me how his brother (8 years younger than him with no job) plays 4 hours a day and how he’d love to have more time playing.

It was DH birthday at the weekend so we agreed I’d go to bed (Xbox downstairs) so that he could have some time on his games.

Saturday I went to bed 9pm and he stayed up until 1am.
DS had a really unsettled night (teething) and I had little sleep.

DH asked if could play again Sunday.
DS was having a rough day with his teeth and didn’t nap and I know we’d be in for another rough night.
I mentioned to DH that I would go to bed 7-9 in the spare room whilst DH settled our son. I’d then go into our room at 9 and DH could go down and have the rest of the night on his Xbox whilst I looked after teething DS.

DH told me he couldn’t to this as he was just too tired to stay awake (too much gaming the night before!! ) to watch DS for two hours.

I told DH that I assumed this would mean he wouldn’t be having Xbox time to which he told me he would as Xbox requires concentration so it’s easier to stay awake

I told him this was ridiculous and that I was pissed off, his response was that I was an ignorant nobhead and I clearly didn’t understand anything about gaming....

Wanting to avoid an argument I took DS to bed and he stayed up and had Xbox time again.

Tonight after work he told me he would be having a few hours on his Xbox.

I mentioned to him that he’d had a good chunk of time at the weekend and he got arsey with me and then told me I have plenty of time to myself and he should get some too.

I asked him when I get time to myself and he was referring to the hour (sometimes two) I get during the day when DS naps (always on me) and I watch Netflix.

I really do not think this is the same as him
having uninterrupted Xbox time without having to watch DS?! Is it?!

Am I in the wrong. I really feel like smashing that bloody Xbox to bits.

The way you talk it's like the Xbox is a person in your family. Him needing time with it. It's almost like access rights.
When it sounds like that I feel it tips over from hobby to addiction.

When he told you that you don't understand gamers, my reply would have been 'and you don't understand parenting'!
Seriously OP, he's being a selfish arse and I'd be questioning why I was putting up with him.
I know you don't want to upset your son but I think the only way your H will understand what your life is actually like, is if you leave him to it with the baby.
Go out and stay out for the day. He might actually understand how hard it is then.

Echo everything others have already said, he is clearly being unreasonable. He says he should have an hour on the xbox a day, which is fine if it doesn't affect family time and pulling his weight. But it sounds like a lot more than that. In terms of napping I would try and get baby to do that in a pram as others have said, my daughter did and it meant I could go for a walk, go to the shop, meet friends for coffee (appreciate you can't do the latter right now). I went out every day and felt really stressed if I was home all day. If the weather was bad a could rock her in her pram in the hall and then actually have a bit of space while she slept.

I was also the bedtime settler due to breastfeeding but it did improve when she went onto formula as my OH could put her to bed. Saying that when she got to about 2yrs old she always wanted me at bedtime. She is now 6 and is the same so if I could go back and change anything it would be making sure we took it in turns to do bedtime.

Having been on maternity leave and then gone back to work I have to say I found work less stressful than being at home with a baby all day! Sadly I think some dads see it as a holiday.

You can get counselling from Relate. They generally see you separately towards the beginning of the sessions and then together. If they think he is addicted then hopefully they will be able to point you towards appropriate help. You do have to pay but they're a charity so I think the amount varies. It will be interesting to see if he agrees to go...

@ThatsMeChickenArm

Who is raising these pillocks? Why are they reaching adulthood not having learned what being an adult involves or looks like? My Dad was what I call a proper man. He used to make things and maintain things and grow things and had interest in things that were adult things to be interested in. Nothing would have got him playing a computer game. He would consider it for an 8yo maximum. When there were hedges to cut, chimneys to sweep, the car needed oil and the spuds needed earthing up he would have laughed at the prospect. It's like some are only interested in childish pastimes now and it's not just men. I can see family and friends that seem to be regressing into childhood and not dealing with their life in an adult way. Men and women. We all had a £100 bonus at Christmas and a good 50% of the women I work with was planning on saving it to go to Disney World or spending it in the Disney shop and NONE of them have kids. One of them sits with a colouring book and pens she bought from QVC in her lunch break. When I oloaughed she said it's an adult colouring in book. Oh that makes it OK then but you are still colouring in peacocks and flowers just like a kid!

I find this baffling and worrying and not evolution at all.

Talking to them is like speaking to a child. They don't deal with the bills, the mortgage, the adult stuff of life. Some other poor sucker has to do it all for them presumably. They have pink fluffy things and unicorn shite all over their stuff and in the main they are like a collective of subjects in an experiment dealing with arrested development. Trying to get some actual work out them it's as if you have asked for a frigging kidney. What's going on?

Such absolutely judgemental bollocks there.

My mother did adult colouring books when she was alive. She was also housebound, disabled and partially sighted, they kept her entertained when she had sod all else to do other than watch tv.

As for me? I enjoy gaming. I also like unicorns, rainbows and all those other things you were so nastily disparaging about. I'm more than capable of cooking a nutritious meal, making sure my bills are paid, my home is maintained and tidy, and that my dog and plants are fed and watered. Oh and I even find time to knit.

Perhaps you need an adult colouring book. I can think of one with words to colour in that would describe you nicely. I'll let you fill in the blank on what that word is!

Adult colouring books have been around since the 1960s...

Perhaps they used them to unwind after a long day of sweeping chimneys and chewing coal?

@Dandylioness1 Sorry for the late reply! Truthfully to get immersed into a game your talking a good couple of hours. I play a maximum of 5 hours (7pm - midnight). Realistically its more like 3 by the time little one is settled and housework is up to scratch. If I don't play it doesn't bother either DH or myself. We are lucky as we share the same hobby. My DM and DSDad don't, she enjoys TV he likes to play games. Often she would moan he plays and they don't spend time together. Her version of spending time together involves watching a film or tv series which is her hobby, she wouldn't ever play a game. As a top notch Daughter I tell her its unfair.