"Professional work clothes" are you f**king kidding me

[Wroxie]

Sorry this is more of a rant than a question because I know I'm not the one BU here.

So I'm a freelancer and about half my income comes from a single client. I do lots of workshops and training sessions on Zoom with them. This morning after a 2 hour workshop I was having a debrief with my main contact and he said 'just one more thing, it would be great if you could reflect the business wear standards we present during these sessions' and I was gobsmacked because - no word of a lie - HE AND I WERE WEARING THE SAME SHIRT. The exact same dark blue and white small-checked button down shirt with the top button undone. I also had on small earrings and a little pearl pendant on a fine chain and my hair was in a tidy bun. I would even venture to say that my shirt was ironed more nicely than his - he's generally sort of rumpled looking at the best of times.

When I was office-based, this was basically my uniform - button-down shirt, smart trousers, sometimes a jacket, nice brogues or maybe nice flats if it was ankle-baring weather. This is now what I wear every day in front of my computer at home except for the shoes. Yes, I even wear the smart work trousers because I often stand up to do something on my whiteboard and I can be seen from the knees up on camera.

The other women at this company (finance, if it matters) tend to wear solid, dark-colour tops with round necklines and maybe a chunky necklace, along with full makeup and blowdried hair. I don't wear makeup at all and my hair is natural (I'm mixed race - half Black, half European) and worn in a curly bob or in a bun depending on where I am in the wash-day cycle. So what it comes down to is that my natural face and hair and my choice of business wear would be ok if I were a man, but since I'm not... different standards. I almost wish I was an actual employee rather than a freelance consultant so I could make this into a WHOLE THING.

As it stands, I just said 'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt' and he blustered a bit and said something like 'well you just seemed a bit casual Friday today is all I mean' and I just let it drop.

Should I wear my 20+ year old Nirvana T-shirt next meeting yes or no?

Next time wear a suit and tie but keep your hair/makeup the same. I'd like to see what he says to that.

@DameCelia

Hopefully not a derail, a couple of people have almost touched on this. Over the years I've realised that many (otherwise apparently sane and unknobbish) men equate curly hair with sexual freedom, hyper sexuality, wanting to shag a lot, being 'good' in bed or other bizarre attitudes. Where on earth does that come from?

It's an interesting question.

I think it's because curls are often associated with the Devil, who is supposed to have dark, curly hair. There's also the fact that pubic hair tends to be curly, so that might be another reason why it's associated with sexuality.
The Serpent is sometimes depicted as curling around Eve, mingling in her hair.

It's just the good old-fashioned temptress stereotype, isn't it? Heaven forbid that the righteous man should be led astray by the mere sight of it!

Of course, the Jane Eyre extract previously mentioned goes immediately to the appearance of the pious Reverend's own daughters and wife, all of whom are elaborately curled, even wearing false curls. Satire at its finest: he doesn't seem to regard his own fashionable family as the Devil's Spawn, does he?

He obviously wants you in a skirt suit. Or smart dress. Preferably tight and a little bit short and enough buttons undone on your (sheer) blouse. Oh and heels and a full face of makeup. How dare you ruin his image of women's business dress...

Was it a joke? Maybe he’d noticed you were wearing the same shirt and was having a laugh

Just be careful, while its all good and well to tell him to stick it, you're a freelancer so kind of at the mercy of the client.

He's a cheeky fucker but your come back was pure class.

Creepy git was probably mentally bemoaning the lack of cleavage on show. Barf.

P.s

Next time wear exactly the same outfit but make the shirt a different colour.... see if he says anything then.

If he does say: what would YOU like me to wear?

If he has any shame he will feel embarrassed and keep his trap shut, if not, remind him you are a freelancer and he should be lucky you don't show up in your pyjamas.

Then laugh so he thinks you're joking but fix him with a stare.

This is a good one.

Tony would have a fit at the polo shirt and 30 second pony tail I had today!

Another vote for the Nirvana T-Shirt - 100%

You should check out the feminism T-shirt's at Rainbows & Rage. They are perfect for your next meeting!
www.facebook.com/rainbowsandrage/

If you were not freelance I would suggest pyjamas, uncombed hair with a large mug of coffee in view for the next zoom meeting.

You need to visit thespark.company/

'Tony...you're not really asking me what I'm wearing are you?'

For Christmas jumper day...

I’d have asked if he was fucking kidding me and then proceeded to tell him to kiss my arse.

I personally would have taken a screenshot of the whole thing at that moment. For future reference as a comparative measure in case it's raised again. I certainly would do this for any future meetings.

Such a ridiculous comment.

Wow! He's a cheeky fucker.

I thought the point of being freelance was avoiding bullshit like dress codes?

Smash the Patriarchy/Nirvana t shirt gets my vote

Wow, shocked he would say such a thing. Sounds like a poisonous intersection of racism and sexism. I'm so sorry.

@AryaStarkWolf

No, it's sexism. Were it racism, black men - also with curly hair - would be similarly targeted.

I don't have stats on it but I would imagine they are? Probably not as much as women because telling women to be attractive seems to be more OK with people

They are) when they have long hair. Most men have short hair though don't they!!

Greyhills point is important and valid. Assuming Client is private sector then IR35 rules on tax don’t apply yet. But get ready because they’re coming! Get your own logo shirts made up. Your own brand or you may become classed as a hidden employee when IR35 kicks in...

@hedgehoginthebag

Greyhills point is important and valid. Assuming Client is private sector then IR35 rules on tax don’t apply yet. But get ready because they’re coming! Get your own logo shirts made up. Your own brand or you may become classed as a hidden employee when IR35 kicks in...

You're own brand won't be enough to save you from IR35

Your own brand ffs!😂