"Professional work clothes" are you f**king kidding me

[Wroxie]

Sorry this is more of a rant than a question because I know I'm not the one BU here.

So I'm a freelancer and about half my income comes from a single client. I do lots of workshops and training sessions on Zoom with them. This morning after a 2 hour workshop I was having a debrief with my main contact and he said 'just one more thing, it would be great if you could reflect the business wear standards we present during these sessions' and I was gobsmacked because - no word of a lie - HE AND I WERE WEARING THE SAME SHIRT. The exact same dark blue and white small-checked button down shirt with the top button undone. I also had on small earrings and a little pearl pendant on a fine chain and my hair was in a tidy bun. I would even venture to say that my shirt was ironed more nicely than his - he's generally sort of rumpled looking at the best of times.

When I was office-based, this was basically my uniform - button-down shirt, smart trousers, sometimes a jacket, nice brogues or maybe nice flats if it was ankle-baring weather. This is now what I wear every day in front of my computer at home except for the shoes. Yes, I even wear the smart work trousers because I often stand up to do something on my whiteboard and I can be seen from the knees up on camera.

The other women at this company (finance, if it matters) tend to wear solid, dark-colour tops with round necklines and maybe a chunky necklace, along with full makeup and blowdried hair. I don't wear makeup at all and my hair is natural (I'm mixed race - half Black, half European) and worn in a curly bob or in a bun depending on where I am in the wash-day cycle. So what it comes down to is that my natural face and hair and my choice of business wear would be ok if I were a man, but since I'm not... different standards. I almost wish I was an actual employee rather than a freelance consultant so I could make this into a WHOLE THING.

As it stands, I just said 'Tony mate you realise we're wearing the same shirt' and he blustered a bit and said something like 'well you just seemed a bit casual Friday today is all I mean' and I just let it drop.

Should I wear my 20+ year old Nirvana T-shirt next meeting yes or no?

Also, the wear a tie idea is my favourite

@SpeckledFrogsLog

I almost wish I was an actual employee rather than a freelance consultant so I could make this into a WHOLE THING.

Freelancers, agency workers, consultants etc can all still make claims of discrimination. You don’t have to be an employee

That’s interesting but how do you protect your income if the company you’re issuing invoices to is the complainee or employs an individual who has made discriminating comments? Especially if they are an ongoing client and provide a huge chunk of your income? I totally see why the OP would like to do something about this but I can understand as a self employed person why it would be risky.

I have a mug that has the company name and logo on the bottom of it - Kiss my Ass (with a picture of a donkey).

It's small enough to get away with when I take a sip of my drink during virtual meetings and I use it when p**s like this attend meetings I am at!

He was out of line and your response was perfect! x

He's terribly upset because you were wearing his shirt and looked better in it than he does.
Now you know he does not want you to wear a shirt. So next time, just wear your bra.
If he gets upset, ask him if it's because your bra matches his.

AryaStarkWolf
When black women almost exclusively have the type of hair considered unprofessional, AND there is a long and well documented history of Afro hair being denigrated, shamed and hidden away then yes this is definitely racism.

100%
No, it's sexism. Were it racism, black men - also with curly hair - would be similarly targeted

^^
I think black men are targeted for having traditionally black hairstyles, or hairstyles other than those customary to white men.

I think in OPs case it’s probably racism and sexism at the same time.

I've been told my hair is unprofessional.Mixed race women don't look professional apparently

WTAF!

I have curly hair. I refuse to straighten it, but funnily enough no one has dared to suggest it. I also wear jeans EVERY FUCKING DAY.

I refuse to suit.

Argh. Totally agree this is about make up and having curly hair. Sexism and racism all in one.

He probably doesn’t even realised that he’s been conditioned to recognise a made up face and straight hair as a “professional” appearance.

If you were an employee I’d go for it, with a full and formal complaint that resulted in him having to attend some E&D training.

As a freelancer I’d probably force myself to respond with more sympathy and support him in realising the error of his ways.

@TheDowagerDuchess

AryaStarkWolf When black women almost exclusively have the type of hair considered unprofessional, AND there is a long and well documented history of Afro hair being denigrated, shamed and hidden away then yes this is definitely racism.

100%
No, it's sexism. Were it racism, black men - also with curly hair - would be similarly targeted

^^
I think black men are targeted for having traditionally black hairstyles, or hairstyles other than those customary to white men.

I think in OPs case it’s probably racism and sexism at the same time.

Yes That's what I said, some of those quotes aren't mine :p

I think because he said "business wear" then it's hard to say that it's about hair/make up.

The "casual friday" sounds like blustery bullshit because he was shown up as a twat.

If you are always dressing as you always have then he was just being an arse by the sounds of things.

so hes blind then or jealous you wear it better?

Hopefully not a derail, a couple of people have almost touched on this. Over the years I've realised that many (otherwise apparently sane and unknobbish) men equate curly hair with sexual freedom, hyper sexuality, wanting to shag a lot, being 'good' in bed or other bizarre attitudes. Where on earth does that come from?

I hate this it happened to me once by my male boss he was a complete wanker and thankfully I no longer work for the crap company.
But I too was dressed smartly hair tied back in a neat Bob had no make up on other than mascara.

And I never forget him following me from one side of the building to the other not mentioning nothing to me until we were in the other building To say I needed to dress much better.
It was winter I had trousers on a fleece over my shirt which was outer wear to be taken off once inside I was gob smacked and so upset by it all but as others have said it's a typical sexist pig of a man always dictating to a woman how she should be dressed when half the time they are scruffier than you.

Didn't Michelle Obama say she couldn't wear her hair natural until her husband was no longer president? I thought that was really shocking at the time.

@VinylDetective, you're doing it wrong. Pat Butcher earrings, leopard print & faux leather combo, waaaaay too much bosom & porn star makeup are mandatory y'know. Did you really mean "I resemble that remark"?!

I would ALWAYS wear exactly the same thing - take a photo of how you look today and just aim to look exactly the same

Agree, racism and sexism

Its like they think women with straight hair must have straightened it eg spent time on their appearance whereas they assume curly haired women have not

A black man with an afro, even a small one, would 100% be told to cut their hair

Awful. Do you really want to work for these people? I would be finding something else sharpish if possible. He has basically said you don't look the way that he thinks you should, meaning you should have make up and tits out. I mean..gobsmacked. If l was his employee l would have his guts for garters.

I think you need to point out to him that people who have to follow such rules from their "client'" are fake self-employed, which is illegal.

" I agree with the others that it’s probably about make up. "

I'm so shocked by the amount of people saying this. Since I worked on a boat 20 years ago, I haven't worked anywhere where people expect women to wear makeup. Is this really so common? Strong makeup isn't even part of normal office wear for me.

Reminds me of my first job aged 18. I dressed smartly and was ultra polite but got take off main reception/front desk as I ‘consistently refused’ to wear make up ffs !
This was in 1999 i wish I’d made a fuss but o just accepted my new role after that which was cleaning office rooms and re stocking the client kitchen 🙁

@iklboogeymum

'My solicitor would like a copy of your dress code'

Maybe he thought you were lowering The Tone.

And CC his managers.

@Wroxie Hmm, “Never Mind the Bollocks” t shirt might be more appropriate. What a knob jockey.

Top hat and bow tie next time...the next step up from a shirt?