To think she's perfect?

[selfimprove21]

In a nutshell, I'm jealous of my sister in law.

She's slim, blonde, very beautiful, got a good job, dresses great, went public school and she's really confident, my in laws love her and she has a lot of friends. She has very rich parents and a gorgeous home, no money worries etc and she seems nice too!

I hate myself for it but I'm so jealous! She is simply better than me in every way.

How do you overcome this?!

She has to put up with your brother. Who doesnt think their brother isnt annoying and has a small wiener?

'Jealousy is the theft of all Joy'....

You say she is slim, well then Lose weight. You say she is blonde, then go to Boots and get your self a blonde box hair dye, and dye your hair, and abracadabra, you shall be beautiful too. Too be honest it's news to me that dying your hair blonde equals beautiful, so I guess the likes of Ashwaria Rai and Monica Belluci, who have dark hair, must look like a dog's backside according to your standard of beauty.

My SIL's life objectively may be better than mine, but I'd still rather have mine, because I want my DH and my DC, not hers.

Yes this. I’ve got a slimmer blonder nicer SIL. But I’m not jealous, because she’s married to BIL and not DH! (BIL isn’t awful, but god I wouldn’t want to be married to him).

My SIL behaved this way towards me, to the point where my DB would ask me "why were u dressed up when u met SIL?" - I had been out that day, and had just got back. The implication was that by looking dressy, I'd shown SIL up, whose preference is for football shirts. I'm nearly always dressy. She openly made snide comments about me and her inferiority complex and jealousy was unsettling. I had welcomed her with open arms into the family and was delighted to see DB with her. Her attitude of measuring everything I did or had against
her soured relations so badly that I never see them anymore, and I really miss DB.

My mantra (borrowed from BlindBoy who has a fab podcast well worth a listen)

'I am better than nobody else, nobody else is better than me'

We all have intrinsic value as human beings. No ones life is perfect no matter what you see on the outside.

“ My SIL behaved this way towards me, to the point where my DB would ask me "why were u dressed up when u met SIL?" - I had been out that day, and had just got back. The implication was that by looking dressy, I'd shown SIL up, whose preference is for football shirts. I'm nearly always dressy. She openly made snide comments about me and her inferiority complex and jealousy was unsettling.”

Every once in a while, someone makes a post that is so blindingly about their own situation and not the OPs that it’s unreal. You win the prize today, N0t.

When you say “behaved this way” - what way do you mean? The OP has given literally zero indication that she is anything but nice to the SIL. In fact she has done nothing but state her positive attributes and describe her as nice.

So... what are you on about?

If someone's presence makes you feel uncomfortable ie. Jealous, then take the time to think why that is. I'm sure you have many lovely qualities that you are overlooking and we don't all have to look the same to be beautiful. Take it as a sign you need to stop and appreciate yourself and try to turn that negative emotion into good feelings aimed at your own life.

I used to know someone like that. Husband was a serial adulterer and it all went tits up. Looking from the outside is not reality.

Well for all her wonderfulness she has ended up in the same place as you, married into the same family.
Your children will hang out together so her wonderfulness might rub off on them😉
And if she’s nice you might pick up a few good tips yourself.
There’s a bright side to this - use it🙂

I have a friend like this, incredibly beautiful, sexy, clever and funny. She's married to a lovely man and they have beautiful children. Her life looks perfect from the outside. However, for years she struggled with an eating disorder and anxiety and had such low esteem she was jealous of every woman who even talked to her husband. Happily she is much better these days but the point is that you don't know what is going on under the surface. No-one is perfect. Try and concentrate on your own life. I bet your life looks pretty perfect to others. Please try not to feel bad about yourself 😀 xx

She's not better than you.

Absolutely no one is perfect and she will have a whole set of insecurities and bad habits hidden away that you know nothing about.

Comparison is the their of joy: stop looking at what other people have and focus on improving you're own lane.

Her farts still smell of s**t.
No one is better than you, you are no better than others. We're all unique and we should embrace that. I think you need a wee confidence boost.

Stop fixating on your SIL and obsessing about her life. You and people like you are the problem with This world. With your fragile and insecure egos. Do humanity a favour and “Get a life and focus on yourself”.

Your SIL is living her best life and I hope you are not out of jealousy attempting or plotting to sabotage her or make her life difficult.

Who doesnt think their brother isnt annoying and has a small wiener?

I think it might be just you.

Wow, give urself some self love! There is beauty in everyone. Be proud of you and what you have.

Similar situ many years ago, culminated with the two of us sitting drunk in the kitchen, whereupon she blurted out "I have always wanted you" (I am gay) which left me gobsmacked and awkward. It was never spoken of again.

We all have our cross to bear.

Since when has having blonde hair been a mark of perfection?? Erm, you might want to think that through a little.

I'm not perfect, but I wouldn't be someone else if you offered me the world.

I also call bullshit that we're all equal when the world has so many ways to prove we're not, but again, so what? There are people richer and prettier, and those poorer and uglier. What does it matter, so long as you're happy in yourself? They haven't stolen your chance to be the best version of you.

I'm very glad I didn't go a public school. Boarding schools are unnecessary, unnatural and should be abolished.

@FelicisNox

She's not better than you.

Absolutely no one is perfect and she will have a whole set of insecurities and bad habits hidden away that you know nothing about.

Comparison is the their of joy: stop looking at what other people have and focus on improving you're own lane.

I dispute the fact that OPs SIL has to have a bunch of imaginary hidden insufficiencies just to make OP feel better.

The sooner OP gets to grip with the idea that some people have pretty nice existences and focuses instead on her own without jealousy the better.

Sorry you feel this way!
I think it’s understandable. This is your issue however! You are actually lucky that she is really nice - has an awful SIL and it really sucked. Try not to let jealousy eat you up x

Well life isn't fair. Some people genuinely do have easy lives and nothing bad ever happens to them

I just don't believe that, though. Everyone has parents, they are going to get sick, have problems, die eventually. That's sad. Most people have friends who have hard times even if they are lucky for periods. I don't know anyone who has never been bullied, missed out on good grades, got sad/depressed/anxious, been unlucky in love, miscarried and that's without listing the other stuff- death, illness, trauma, abuse. No-one genuinely has an entire lifetime of happiness, although some may be more cushioned and some may not have bad things happen til later in their lives (this was true for me, bad school days, easy twenty years in between, terrible last decade).

This is quite the eye opener. From the outside our family look very happy and privileged. This is because we never really “bother” people with the horrendous shit going on in our lives ... so as a result my “friends” think my life is fab and are starting to ignore me. We have a lot of stuff going on but I dare not tell others because it’s a weight on their mind. So instead I get ditched now. Things are never as they seem OP.........