To think she's perfect?

[selfimprove21]

In a nutshell, I'm jealous of my sister in law.

She's slim, blonde, very beautiful, got a good job, dresses great, went public school and she's really confident, my in laws love her and she has a lot of friends. She has very rich parents and a gorgeous home, no money worries etc and she seems nice too!

I hate myself for it but I'm so jealous! She is simply better than me in every way.

How do you overcome this?!

[quote selfimprove21]@PinkPanther57 I think we get on OK - certainly no issues but I wouldn't describe us as close. We only meet up if it's a family thing.

They had a short engagement and a beautiful wedding and a baby not long after. We had to cancel our planned day due to Covid and I have PCOS so struggling with that too.[/quote]
See to me - this would worry me - or the family - short engagement, then wedding and then a baby! Way too quick! Maybe she feels the same?

Some people don't care (or seem to) what others think of them, I didn't for ages either - when I finally got married at 30 I'm sure a few people were shocked - and I'd only been dating him 2 years too! Didn't have the babies though and realised after 5 years of marriage that marriage - at least to him - wasn't for me! Was very good at keeping my chin up and keeping things looking good.

Totally agree with this. It's really sad when the go to is suggesting SIL is boring / troubled / unhappy. She might be just as lovely as she seems and a great new mate for OP!

Exactly and it often makes me wonder if the people who start these threads are looking for those sort of replies to make them feel better. Otherwise, what's the point of them? Everyone knows no-one is perfect so the thread title alone is enough to get people suggesting ways in which she might not be.

I have three sisters in law and I am envious of all of them!

What can you do

Both my brothers are gay, no perfect sister in laws for me just perfect brother in laws, I’m pretty sure my parents and in-laws prefer them too.

@WorraLiberty I was just looking for advice on how to get over it and not feel that way - I said in my op she is nice because she is. I don't wish anything bad on her!

actually I was just about to post about the weirdness of people trying to say something must be wrong with her, something miserable and see I was beaten to it. Never understand posts like this. It’s like total strangers are envious too.

Op, all you can do is focus on yourself and your own self esteem, what would make you happier. When you’re happier in yourself you won’t be envious.

I think it’s just the flip side to someone who has had bad luck in looks department, not that bright and isn’t that nice.

There’s something called the Halo Effect. Everyone looks a bit better in the company of lovely people. Just hang out with her and you raise your own credibility a notch or two without effort.

Please don't put yourself down. There will be things about herself that she doesn't like, or wishes she were better at. Focus on your own life and if there are things you can change, try to do that.

There's a mum I know who outwardly you'd think the same thing. Slim, really lovely, great husband, big house, two beautiful children, intelligent, good job, supportive family.
.....she has terminal cancer and will be lucky to see her eldest start school, but will never see her youngest start school.

I have a friend who apparently came trick or treating with her daughter when we'd first moved and I didn't know her. Apparently she looked in to my house, with my "perfect" children, "loving husband", "cheery facade", "nice house" and was jealous. She then met me and said it really made her think about not judging on outward appearances. The time she came, I was recovering from a serious illness and long hospital stay and recovery, had just found out that husband was sexting other women and was consumed with PTSD, anxiety and depression. (The kids ARE perfect..... )
Her telling me how she thought of me (I'm absolutely, nor have ever been, anything special) has really helped my own snap judgements and jealousy about others who seem to have it all/lead perfect lives. No one is perfect, and we all have our trials.
Celebrate being YOU, because you are enough!

There is a wonderful saying...

Don't judge your insides by someone else's outsides. We are all too hard on ourselves!

Another fav is comparison is the thief of joy. Look at what's good in your life and where you want it to go. Don't waste time on negative energy. Daily gratitude's work for a lot of people. Might be worth a try?

I'm sure you are amazing.. you just have to believe in yourself. xx

There was a woman at my gym who was like that. I saw her naked one day and she had cellulite on her bum. Hurrah, there is a God!

Haven’t RTFT but I’m guessing comparison is the thief of joy has been mentioned?

Don't judge your insides by someone else's outsides. We are all too hard on ourselves!

I’m going to try to remember this - what a good saying!

“ I really dislike the type of answers you see sometimes...

"She probably is drowning in debt/has secret vices/is boring/mean/bland" etc.

Some people are fortunate, lucky and/or just all around lovely, pretty and come from a privileged background.

Demonising them by projecting imagined flaws to their lives isn't helpful at all.”

Oh god, 100x this.

All the people bleating “comparison is the thief of joy” can bore off too.

YANBU OP. I like the “get some for yourself” advice.

You manage it by remembering that everyone has their difficulties, their worries, their hurts. In this you and her are the same.

@Lalliella

There was a woman at my gym who was like that. I saw her naked one day and she had cellulite on her bum. Hurrah, there is a God!

Haven’t RTFT but I’m guessing comparison is the thief of joy has been mentioned?

This makes me so sad, I know you're trying to help OP feel better but all that's really happened is you've seen a woman at her most vulnerable, identified what you perceive to be a physical flaw of hers and then rejoiced in it. It's hard enough being a woman with society telling us we are too (insert literally descriptor here) without tearing each other down like that. Genuinely is upsetting to think that kind of thought process makes people gloat.

When I feel like this about someone I pray for them. I pray God blesses them even more. This is what my religion teaches you to do whenever you feel jealous of what someone has. Even if you aren't religious simply flipping your thinking and wishing more for them rather than yourself can help purify your thoughts and you can even feel happy for them without comparing them to yourself.

@Krazynights34

Blonde isn’t an aspect of perfection in my mind...

Blonde hair isn't top of my list either but it does illustrate a certain type, I call them the shining people. Life has been easy since being a literal golden child, with every possible advantage they were never going to lose were they.

Life isn't fair and it's okay to be bitter about it from time to time.

It’s so hard isn’t it, there are some people who do just live a charmed life! I’m usually pretty happy and confident in myself but met a woman on a course last year and we have become friendly and are so similar in every way but she is the slightly improved version of me in every aspect!

Her husband is richer, she is slightly slimmer, slightly better at our sport, her house is bigger, her dog is better behaved etc all little inconsequential things but it’s quite funny, I feel like the market stall knock off of her!

I think it’s important to separate the life from the person though. My new friend is lovely too and they can’t help how they make you feel. You are probably that person to someone else tbh.

Ah OP everyone’s different, there’s no point in comparing. If she’s nice I’d recommend becoming friends with her - it sounds like she’d be great company and I find the company we keep tends to rub off on us so maybe you’ll find yourself becoming more confident/more inspired by work etc if you spend more time with her.

Also it’s not a competition. Your in laws may love her but they will love you too, for making their son happy

Best to work on your own self esteem so you don’t focus on others so much.

Let’s have a think of what ‘perfect’ really is:
-does she bring food/drinks if you’re hosting?
-does she line up shot glasses if you’ve had a bad day?
-will she lend you money for a taxi after you drinks all of the above shots?
-will she look after your pet when you're on holiday?

"No one is you and that is your power".

There's no need to compare yourself to anyone. We all have good and less good things about us. If you ask her what are the things she doesn't like about herself she'll tell you at least 5!

Look, as long as the kids and husband-man are fit, healthy and happy. We have a roof over our heads and enough to eat the woman down the road with her yappy little dog and the rest of the world can go and dance the tango.Personally, I still look good in my birthday suit and I'm proud of the few stretch marks I have so I really don't care. Whether I dress like a bag lady and smell heavily of horses is down to me. During the day I to my best to save lives, so I'm envious of no one. Nor should you be.

Maybe she is all those things & perfectly lovely to boot. I expect you’re a lot of those things too & the fact that you’ve noticed that’s she nice too, says a lot about how you value kindness. I always try to be better each day, but I’ll never be blonde and slim!

To be fair that's not her fault she is beautiful or her parents have money. But don't be jealous of things she has, be lucky of what you have. Being slim and beautiful isn't the bee all and end all, neither is having money. The best things in life are free, and that's to be loved by people that matter to you... No money can buy love, just look at the beautiful celebs for that conclusion.