To think she's perfect?

[selfimprove21]

In a nutshell, I'm jealous of my sister in law.

She's slim, blonde, very beautiful, got a good job, dresses great, went public school and she's really confident, my in laws love her and she has a lot of friends. She has very rich parents and a gorgeous home, no money worries etc and she seems nice too!

I hate myself for it but I'm so jealous! She is simply better than me in every way.

How do you overcome this?!

Why would you say that she’s a better person than you??

None of those things makes her a better person, just the owner of a different set of physical attributes to you, the good fortune (in economic terms) to have been born into a family with lots of money, and an outwardly gregarious/confident character. It sounds as if she’s a lovely person too, which is great. I can see what you mean, it looks like she’s got an ideal life (and she may well have the ideal life, at least right now), but that still doesn’t make her better and you inferior.

It’s ok to be envious, most people would be, I think, but it’s not ok to run yourself down! Also try hard not to resent her for it. Try to look behind all the glitter and just deal with her, the person.

I know someone like this. She's stunning and has a genuine kindness that shines through. Bagged a rich hubby who adores her and is equally lovely.

I can't even bring myself to be snarky about them as it doesn't sit right but I know what you mean op.

She probably doesn't spend time of her life being jealous of other people?

As my old nana used to say - you're not better than anyone else, but no-one is better than you.

If you think someone's perfect or their life is perfect you probably just don't know them well enough. You'll never know your in laws inside out and the DH's brother won't be telling his parents or sibling everything that isn't great about his wife especially if he is aware they think she's perfect.

What’s not perfect about her life is that people take against her for no reason aside from the ones you put in your OP. I wonder how many people are a bit unkind to her because she’s “simply better than me in every way”

Put your big girl pants on and work on your self esteem about what’s great about you OP.

She will also be looking at you and envying something about you. How kind you are, how you don't stress out and seem to have your mental health in such good shape, how everyone seems to like you instantly but she feels like she always has to work for it etc etc etc.

On the outside I look like I have my shit together, but I usually feel like an imposter who's just faking it and hoping no one notices!

@MarieIVanArkleStinks - love, love, love your advice x

Bet she farts in her sleep just like the rest of us.

Comparison is the thief of joy, OP.
You're never going to be her, so learn to like what you naturally have to offer.

Does she have the ability to empathise, though? If you lead an apparently charmed life, it's harder to understand the struggles others are going through. That could be a distinct disadvantage in life, if you cherish the attribute of being a good friend.

You’ve no idea what’s really going on in people’s lives. Comparison is the thief of joy.

By not comparing yourself with her. Imagine you are both totally unique but important human beings with strengths and weaknesses.

Alternatively just block her on everything and have minimal contact where possible 🤭

But a lot of those things you can change about yourself. So being slim, well turned out, good job. They’re in your control! Then your attitude will flow and you’ll feel more positive and not compare yourself with others.

Blonde and wealthy, what more is there to aspire to?

Blonde isn’t an aspect of perfection in my mind...

I think we all have a friend or relative whose life can appear like this... But when you scratch under the surface you realise no one's life is perfect.

OP why don't you list the things that are great about your life, I bet once you do you'll realise someone could say the same about you

Please do not compare yourself to her. I am financially very comfortable but suffer from anxiety which I hide. I could have anything I want except peace of mind. If you enjoy good health that is your wealth. Best wishes.

My friend who seems like this is actually going through councilling for PTSD and severe anxiety. You wouldn't know unless you were super close to her as she likes to put a front on. So you never know what's going on with people! Is your SIL a nice person too? If so, why not befriend her!

@Krazynights34

Blonde isn’t an aspect of perfection in my mind...

I really don’t get why being blonde is seen as an attribute? Strange thing to add to OP’s list.

You are jealous of your SIL because it’s showing something lacking in your life. Try and work out what exactly that is and do something about. Obviously it’s hard to go to private school and source rich parents at this juncture but perhaps it’s raising issues about how you were raised and how you want to bring up your own children. Turn the jealously into self reflection and make a couple of changes to your life which you have control of.

Even if she was perfect, why would that reflect badly on you?

Olympians exist, Nobel prize winners exist - neither fact diminishes me even though I am neither.

Concentrate on why you don't feel 'enough' as you are and pick something and change it.

You say 'my in-laws love her'.

Are these your shared in-laws? Do your husband's parents treat her differently to you?

Some people think that I have a charmed life - healthy children, lovely husband, nice house, good job - but not many of them know the mental health struggles I have had over the years, or how a lot of my issues stem from sexual abuse in childhood from a relative. Look at my social media or look at me on a purely superficial level and you won't see any of that. Don't aspire to be like someone else and never believe in perfection - it doesn't exist.

With regard to your SIL, make friends with her, get to know her as a person, it will do you good to see her as another human being and not some kind of superstar.

She may actually think the same about you tbh.
Looks are deceptive.

Google you make an excellent point there.