Neighbour's noise complaint - what to do?

[Frankola]

I'll try to keep this simple. A bit of backstop first.

A month ago an elderly lady moved into the house next door. This house is a 3 story 4 bedroom property attached to mine.

I have a 4 year old daughter and a husband.

Here's the aibu -
Today I answered the door to my elderly next door neighbour who told me that the noise from my house "everyday from 6pm to 10pm is unacceptable".

When I asked her to elaborate she told me that my 4 year old daughter "bangs and shouts".

I really can't get my head around this. From 6pm we are eating tea and getting a bath! My dd isn't banging a drum kit or learning the bagpipes!

I'm shocked that this woman thinks its acceptable to complain about general family living noises at teatime?! Worse still, when I explained that I was quite confused as I'd never had any issues with neighbours over the previous 4 years we've lived there she told me "well you do have a problem now"!

I'm now driving myself mad with the idea shes going to report us to the police or social services or continue to cause us issues with her complaints.

So - aibu to post dog shit through her letterbox?
Seriously though - what would you do?

suggest that she finds a padded cell to move into?

but why would one buy a 3 story 4 bedroom townhouse?

The obvous reason is to have guest bedrooms for her relatives/dc to visit. Or as someone said before, she may be thinking of a live-on carer eventually.
Some older people want to have a spare room for a lodger to boost income (though evidently unlikely in this case).

There is also an option that she's bought the house for her DC / family members who may be abroad / elsewhere in the UK for a period of time but planning to move to tfhis area. If they cam only afford to buya bigger house by pulling resources from her bungalow sale and their funds, it wuold make sense.

sorry for typos!

Also to add, of course anyone may just want a big house for themselves and their hobby/stuff, but the scenarios I mentioned make more sense for a 3-storey house, as otherwise an older person would go for a large but lower height house.

OP, one of your previous posts said she'd had kitchen work done and been "ripping out carpets".
Just a thought, I wonder if she's replaced her carpets with wooden flooring/laminate and consequently noises are amplified on her side of the wall, not that you can do anything about that.

It sounds like it's probably her neighbours on the other side that are the noise makers.

She could have moved from an 8 bedroom bungalow so has, in effect, downsized.😂

Reading the updates and pp comments. This lady is being unreasonable, she’s come from a detached home and that’s why she’s finding it noisy and unfortunately it’s tough toenails. You aren’t having loud parties, your not a house full of students, (but what if you were) it’s just normal family noise. The way she approached you was rude and she’s not going to get anywhere with a complaint in any case. I know you don’t want the council knocking your door, but I wonder if they actually would unless your neighbour lies of course. You are allowed to play music until 11pm, so I imagine the council will not be interested.
It’s completely normal household movement, however much she’s irritated by rattling around in a town house! You cannot let this lady control your life, what happens when you have a dinner party or your DD wants a play date, or Christmas morning?!?! It’s no way to live. Wondering ifbhbe banging she refers to is people going up and down the stairs? just a thought, but even if it isI don’t see what you can do about it.

She is being ridiculous. It probably is related to the fact that your living area is in the middle and hers below but frankly that's tough shit. She will hear you walking around etc. As long as you are not having loud parties, she gets to put up with it. I would not entertain it. If she comes around again, tell her politely. This is normal everyday life.

Is your neighbour Mrs Heckles??? 🤔

Give her the opportunity to prove the loud noise. Until then, tough shit.

* Just because they are over a certain age, doesn't mean they are exempt from being horrible. I feel for you op

It does mean that on MN. They either have dementia or are desperately lonely. It's not possible that they are just arseholes.*

^This. People who have been arseholes throughout their lives don’t generally magically change when they retire. (Obviously some people do mellow with age, obviously, but others become more intolerant.)

I think you’re more offended than you need to be. She’s obviously struggling with the noise, even if previous neighbours didn’t.

That doesn’t mean the noise is unreasonable or that you should have to make drastic changes, but you could try for some empathy. I wouldn’t implement anything drastic, but you could spend a week paying attention to the noise and perhaps trying to quieten things down if it does get unruly.

She’s not going to report you to the police or SS, and they would tell her to get lost if she did, so don’t fret about that. She may complain to the council but as its quiet by 10pm they won’t do anything about it.

There are some odd replies (and some very nasty ones) on this thread.

If my neighbours complained about the noise my family made, my first reaction would be to consider how I might reduce that noise rather than immediately be defensive and propose all kinds of vile behaviour. We all make noise, and probably more than we like to imagine.

It sounds also as if it could be the layouts of the respective houses that don't help, and if hard flooring anywhere is involved, that will never help.

My neighbours have their grandchild every afternoon, and it's very noisy. I don't say anything because it's from about 3 to 7, but that one child, playing normally, is making all that noise, can't be denied.

Our hallways are next to each other and through that wall you tend to be able to hear everything.

It's not offensive, nobody needs to live their life walking on eggshells and normal family noise is just that. But, as I said, my first reaction if my neighbours complained would be "sorry, we'll try and be a bit more considerate" rather than denying it and saying we'll put dogshit through her door. Joking or not.

Sounds like my house , we’re mid terrace and I can hear the kids next door like they’re in my house .
When they run up and down the hall way it rattles my pictures on the wall .
Maybe that’s what’s happening ?
If she keeps going on though I’d ignore and keep a diary just incase she tries to pull anything

She’s moved into family style accommodation. She will need to get used to normal family sounds, or find a solution such as noise cancelling headphones.

I am very sensitive to noise. Half my salary goes on the mortgage for our detached house surrounded by land. Sometimes the noise of my own DCs drives me beserk and I put the headphones on. I don’t know what will happen when I’m old and frail and need to downsize, but for sure I won’t be moving into a 3 storey newbuild townhouse.

I think your neighbour has buyer’s remorse. OP. Stay civil as far as you can and perhaps she’ll get over it.

When I moved into our house with my four animals ( kids) I went round to introduce myself to my new elderly neighbour.

First thing she said was " hope you're not going to be noisy, the previous people were lovely and quiet!" The rudeness stopped me in my tracks. You can be rude whatever age. what a welcome.

Anyway my kids are like charging elephants and we talk loudly and make all the usual noise and have had work done.

BUT I have gone out of my way to be friendly and super pleasant and offer help and drop by flowers and see how she is etc etc I have generally killed her with kindness and worn her down. tbh she has been a total gem and taken in parcels galore and now I'd say we have a good relationship. Which I like and hope she does. We are there for her and have been all through lock down. She NEVER mentions the noise.

Why all the votes for 'just ignore'?

Why not actually try to be nice and neighbourly and apologise that she feels that the noise is excessive, maybe ask for specific examples she has noticed and say that you'll look out for it happening and try to limit it wherever possible.

It might just be that if you try to Foster a good relationship you may be able to help each other out in the future instead of hitting an instant stand off over every little thing.

I think the point is that what the neighbour is complaining about simply isn’t happening. The OP’s DD isn’t banging toys against the wall between the hours of 6 and 10 pm. Yes, her DH is gaming but he’s keeping the volume down so DD doesn’t wake up. Besides, this isn’t what the neighbour is saying. She isn’t complaining about everyday family noise, but about something that isn’t happening.

I suspect it is the other neighbours who are disturbing this lady, and she’s complaining about the wrong people. (Seeing as the previous owners complained about the noise they made.)

There is nothing the OP can do about something that isn’t happening.

Okay, the dog shit comment was in poor taste, but it wasn’t as if she was planning to do it. The OP’s reaction is a bit OTT, and her worries about SS are groundless, but that’s where I’ve found AIBU helpful myself in the past.

Why not actually try to be nice and neighbourly and apologise that she feels that the noise is excessive, maybe ask for specific examples she has noticed and say that you'll look out for it happening and try to limit it wherever possible.

Why? It's not OPs complaint and the neighbour has approached the problem in a completely hostile and aggressive way, not the correct way to introduce yourself to neighbours when you are requiring their help with something. I am sure if she had been nicer about bringing up the issue, OP would be more open to helping.

As it is, OP has stated there is just normal family noise and during acceptable hours, unlike neighbour who moved in and started banging and pulling up carpets with no thought for OP (the irony). OP can't put her life on hold to please a nasty neighbour who sounds like she just wants to create some drama and have it all her own way.

OP has already said she's will try and be quieter but she that is a courtesy and if anything, the neighbour should consider putting sound proofing in or wear ear plugs as she is the one that has the problem with normal noise levels.

I think OP sounds lovely and the neighbour sounds entitled yet so many people think OP should jump through hoops to please someone with such an arrogant attitude.That will just enable her more and she'll complain about every aspect of OPs life.

Thank you everyone.

Just an update. I DID approach this in a polite way. I asked if there was a specific time or more info she could give me to help. If this lady had knocked on my door and showed me any civility or kindness in her request I would not be on here asking what to do - I'd be making an effort to understand the issue and correct it.

As it was, her entire approach from me opening the door was one of rudeness and distate. She didn't even introduce herself, she merely said she lived next door which i was already aware of.

I spent the evening specifically listening for sounds that might travel and I did consider it could be our stairs but I'm not too sure as they're on the outside wall, not the party one.

As I've mentioned in other posts I'm just going to keep living as we are - whilst trying to keep noise to a minimum to prevent any further complaints.

Some people do have a high degree of nose sensitivity, and it sounds like your neighbour might fall into this category. A friend of mine living in a block of flats once had someone complain around loud weeing at night....?! At the end of the day, we can only be reasonable. A young child making some noise up until bed time is normal and no council will say differently. Just explain that your daughter also has rights and your neighbour's request is not reasonable.

Some people do have a high degree of nose sensitivity, and it sounds like your neighbour might fall into this category.

Christ, so now OP smells? She can't win.

Ignore her. She would have to gather evidence of unreasonable noise pollution for extended periods, and as you are not playing rock music 24/7, she can stuff it

Donquixote

Having suffered in real life with noisy neighbours (think pay parties starting at 4am after the clubs closed and music at ear splitting volume - we used to pray for his son to visit because it was about the only time the noise was bearable). I personally would get someone you know in to do a sense check. I think sometimes we get used to background noise and blank it out (we have noisy boiler and a couple of people have complained about it when they stayed over - we've just blanked it out mentally!). Do you have wooden flooring? Are you blasting the TV out at high volume (in the summer I can hear the telly 2 doors away if the windows are open - that's just how they roll)? is your child playing musical instruments near party walls ?

If it is just "family noise" as I suspect, you have nothing to worry about. Social services have a lot more on their plate than dealing with potential noisy neighbours. Environmental Health will ignore "family noise" unless it's in the circumstances outlined above, and even then their main concern will be industrial noise and loud music out of hours preventing people sleeping.

I think you can face this down by stating that "of course you will endeavour to reduce noise, but what you are hearing is normal family living".

Just a thought, you say that the neighbour's house had previously caused complaints from the house on the other side. Is it possible that the sound is carrying from that side and not yours?

Ignore her. If she reports it the council will obviously find no wrong doing. She can move out if she wants, get a detached property so she isn’t bugging anyone else.