Neighbour's noise complaint - what to do?

[Frankola]

I'll try to keep this simple. A bit of backstop first.

A month ago an elderly lady moved into the house next door. This house is a 3 story 4 bedroom property attached to mine.

I have a 4 year old daughter and a husband.

Here's the aibu -
Today I answered the door to my elderly next door neighbour who told me that the noise from my house "everyday from 6pm to 10pm is unacceptable".

When I asked her to elaborate she told me that my 4 year old daughter "bangs and shouts".

I really can't get my head around this. From 6pm we are eating tea and getting a bath! My dd isn't banging a drum kit or learning the bagpipes!

I'm shocked that this woman thinks its acceptable to complain about general family living noises at teatime?! Worse still, when I explained that I was quite confused as I'd never had any issues with neighbours over the previous 4 years we've lived there she told me "well you do have a problem now"!

I'm now driving myself mad with the idea shes going to report us to the police or social services or continue to cause us issues with her complaints.

So - aibu to post dog shit through her letterbox?
Seriously though - what would you do?

OP Don't worry, nothing will happen even if she tries to take it further. I am currently dealing with noise complaints, as in me and 6 other neighbours have been complaining about shouting swearing banging smashing slamming doors inside and outside our apartment block for over 3 months. So far all that has been done is that they have received warnings. Hoping on Monday the decision to serve them notice will be passed. However THIS is with extreme noise between the hours of 10pm-5am every single night and having provided the authorities with log books and recordings. It also includes other antisocial behaviour such as breaking the communal door, smashing another neighbours windscreen and actually leaning out of their kitchen window and screaming at people. You are just a normal family making normal family noise at tea time. I would maybe trying to compromise by trying super hard to be quieter after say 9pm but besides that crack on because no one is going to do anything about families making dinner and doing the washing up etc.

Ignore. My elderly upstairs neighbour has screamed and sworn at me before over.. me making sausage casserole. He likes to moan about cooking smells but I happened to answer the door to him screaming at me while my dad was here. I stepped back, he saw my dad and his face dropped. He doesn't like me living here as a young (I was 23) female
After that my dad said (previously he was oh just be nice) "bollocks to that, don't ever answer the door again"
After I had environmental health out, smoke bombs, nothing found, I refuse to pander any more
He's even complained about someone hanging towels out to dry

As your daughter’s in bed early she’s probably mistaking other noise for a child banging and shouting.

Maybe you or DH are more heavy footed than you realise? Is dog running about? Do you have silent close cupboards and bin in the kitchen? Are you banging the door letting dog in and out? When you vacuum are you banging it around to get into corners etc? Do the 3 of you shout from room to room or run up/down the stairs a lot (when we lived in a flat our neighbours sounded like elephants on the stairs!)

She’s probably used to quiet during the day then at 6pm all hell breaks loose as you’re rushing about cooking, cleaning, playing, bathing DD, hoovering, letting dog in and out, putting a wash on. All normal family noise but in a semi or flat I do think you have to try and keep it down a bit in the evenings.

Has she complained about weekend noise or just evenings? Not morning noise eg getting ready for school and work?

If just evenings maybe that’s when she’s on the phone to family or on Skype or watching a favourite TV programme or trying to wind down ready for bed.

If soundproofing is an issue why not get some heavy rugs and avoid letting DD play near partition wall? As parents I think we get immune to kids noisy play or noisy toys. It’s easy to think you’re quieter than you are.

My neighbour's washing machine wakes me up about six am a couple of days a week.
Mildly annoying but I'd never tell them it was a problem. She has an illness that can lead to more washing.

When you say 'elderly', how old do you mean? Could she have mh problems or other issues?

she is taking up a family home just for herself so noise must echo... I am sitting without tv or radio and next door to me sounds like they are having a party, think the owner must have moved tenants in???? If I had noise on I wouldn't hear them, so tell her to put her radio/tv on, and stop bothering you! Or I would be tempted to spend a day making all the noise she is imagining, drums, get some pans and bang them, run up and down the stairs , put your speakers by her walls!! Then she will understand what noise is!!

@FippertyGibbett that's exactly what I was going to say!

Honestly ignore her. I've just moved from a large house on a very quiet road, hardly any children around, couple quiet dogs and little traffic. Our "new" next door neighbour complained that she hadn't realised how noisy the road was🙄 (she previously lived in middle of nowhere with acres around her). I have moved into a terraced house and there's noise. My neighbours have young children one of whom grizzles and whines all day and the dad coughs, alot! But I just shut it out and anyway now my dog can see out of the window (lower than previous house) she barks if sees another dog /cat/small next door human so we are quits. Let her report you they'll laugh at her 😉

Ignore her or tell her to piss off, depending on how polite you are feeling.
Our neighbours are like this, banging in the walls if my kids are playing in their room,like just chasing each and laughing not banging and screaming!....go buy a detached house dickheads!
Sidenote: They have actually sold their house, but due to covid it fell through once and is taking aggggeeeessss the second time, so think this is making them extra bitter! Hope their new home is a retirement village.
But seriously, the council site says "your neighbours don't owe you a quiet life"

I wonder if this lady suffers with tinnitus? My aunt was deaf and wore a conclear implant but when switched off she couldn't hear a thing. She used to complain to her neighbour about all the loud music through the night, her poor neighbour was sleeping and half the time was working night shift when my aunt was complaining.

By elderly I'm expecting a frail old woman in her 80's, does she suffer from dementia or something similar perhaps?

If you aren't making unreasonable noise, ignore her complaints. Be civil though, just tell her you'll try to be a bit quieter, to please her, but carry on as normal. However - do consider the possibility that the noise you make might be more than you realise, and try to be objective. Maybe tell your daughter to try to be a little quieter. No harm.

Try to keep the noise down after 9 and before 6, that's reasonable. Don't worry about other times. As long as your not screaming for hours on end take no notice. Tell her the smell of old lady lavender is perminating through the walls and could she please sort 🤣

Can I assume you live in a new build as they're like cardboard city?

I used to live in a similar 4 bedroomed townhouse and the walls were paper thin and would shake it we walked up and down the stairs and the plumbing was on a loop: I once flushed our dead goldfish down the loo downstairs and the blimming thing reappeared in the upstairs loo!

Personally I would go and knock on her door and say the following:

Hi X
I've given some thought to your complaint and I've come to the conclusion that you must have us confused with someone else.
My daughter is in bed by 7pm and my DH and I are quietly watching TV together until our bed time so there's zero chance it could be my child or household making the noise you describe.
We are a normal small family making a normal small amount of noise and will continue to live as we do.
If you ever had any concerns regarding noise then you should have remained in your detached bungalow because people = noise and you've no right dictating how others live in their own homes.
Kindly do not knock on my door making idle threats again or the next time I will not be so polite.

Then walk away and don't give her another thought.

She's clearly not used to any noise but that's her problem. The only thing I would change is the hoovering. I only ever do that in the day but that's because my hoover is really loud.

I had this before when the man neighbour complained about the noise and asked me to stop singing during bath time to then baby but when I apologised to lady neighbour (his wife) she said she hadn't the faintest clue what I was on about. So think some people tolerate noise differently.

I am dealing with the neighbours from hell. He is an aggressive thug who rules his house and its occupants by the rod (literally sometimes I can hear him and her crying etc). Then there's shouting, music, and praying at full volume anywhere from 6am -12 midnight 🙄
The noise team tell me unless another neighbour corroborates my account they can't do anything 🤷🏻‍♀️
So don't worry too much, I doubt the council will come out because your 4 year old is behaving like child.
I would grey rock the neighbour next time if she doesn't have a genuine gripe.
She will get used to normal living noise from neighbours. Or she'll get soundproofing.

@Frankola
I cannot believe what I’m reading on this thread!!! From your description of your routine in YOUR home, I would say that what you are doing and How you are all behaving is perfectly fine!
Please do not start getting paranoid about the amount of noise you are making! Do not make any adjustments to YOUR normal routine because Nora Batty will get used to it and will make her even more sensitive to the noise!
Besides, you were there first 😜

I had a neighbour from hell too. Sounds like she has moved next door to OP!

She sent me anonymous notes for a year. She wasnt even a neighbour her garden back onto mine. I got letters about the kids making too much noise in the garden, machine noise (my DH mowing the lawn} , the oversized trampoline my DC played on being dangerous as she had researched it , just to point out it wasnt oversized and they couldnt see into her garden, then it was the barking dog, information about dogs and fireworks, information on how to report to the council and then the best one was a poster she sent stating love the neighbour. I spoke to my neighbours as I got paranoid that maybe they were all complaining , i even contacted the local police and i found out she was a prolific complainer, the police confirmed her name and I went off to her street and spoke to neighbours who confirmed they had nasty letters too. Funny enough when I got to her door and confonted her she denied it, starting moaning about other neighbours. I did not receive another letter and thankfully she moved last year. My point is that these situations can be very stressful and my advice is if your sure your not being an arsehole neighbour is to ignore her

It’s horrible when this happens but don’t worry. Even if she calls the council they will send a standard letter. If it goes on they can install a sound monitor, it’s very unlikely that family noise will go anywhere near the legal limits. I would keep a journal (they will advise her to do this), document her visit, and give a brief outline each evening of how you feel the noise has been in the house and any noise you hear from her. People think that noise nuisance is any noise you can hear from a neighbour 🤦‍♀️ As if they should hear nothing. My neighbour constantly goes on about me making noise, if I sneeze,stub my toe, tell the dog to get in the bed she comes to tell me. We live in flats with thin walls- I’ve told her if she’d like some help complaining to the council I’m happy to help - she refuses - what will they do? I was once being sick and she sent me a message saying ‘are you being sick?’ She’s an idiot.

The fact that you have even come on to ask advice says you are considerate and concerned that you could have been causing your neighbour upset and therefore I’d feel confident in saying it’s not likely that it’s you. Noise generated by normal family life is not against the law. That ‘neighbour’ needs to either move to an older house with thicker walls or a detached house/bungalow. To even hear it to the point it’s aggravating her just mean she’s sat in her house reading all day or the tv on silent? And in the process winding herself up over it. It’s not reasonable to expect neighbours to be doing the same as her.

I wouldn’t concern yourself whatsoever with her. It’s likely it is the other neighbours and take great satisfaction in telling her so if she darkens your doorstep again, if I were you.

Ignore her, she's being a pain🙄

Sorry she's moved from a detached bungalow to a three storey 4 bed house and wonders why she's hearing family noise?

TBH anyone I know who has a four bed has at least three children.

She should've considered that moving next into a family home with four beds, you'd get noise from children.

She's being utterly ridiculous and I suggest she moves back to a detached property and stop irritating families living their lives normally,

She should've considered her surroundings and tolerance for noise before she moved.

Ignore her. I had a similar neighbour who kept reporting me and calling the police (who were quite apologetic when they came round). Normal family noise is well....normal and she will have to get used to it. My current neighbours have young children and there is lots of noise, I ignore it and I would like to think if we were occasionally a bit noisy they would do the same.

@snowball2020 @catandhiskit we are semi detached but she isn't. It's 3 townhouses and hers is the middle.

My old neighbour regularly text me and chatted to me about the neighbours next door. They're really nice but VERY loud. You can hear them on a night with the backdoor open smoking in the garden and shouting etc. She used to complain to me about the shouting and banging.

I actually think its quite likely that it's these people who are the source of the noise and she's either confusing it for us, or being judgemental towards us for being a younger family with a younger child than theirs.

I can't wait for summer to be honest. This summer I was putting the washing out and heard the toddler grandkid that visits a few times a week shouting "fucking cunt" in the garden

She's in for a shock.

My local council says that ‘normal sounds of living’ such as doors shutting, children playing is not something they would tell a tenant off for. (I live in a council house). I hear my neighbours kids going up and down stairs and playing, through the walls.I accept that it’s normal and that they will hear my noise too. You are doing nothing wrong. Maybe the lady has mental health problems or is unwell in some way, but you are not guilty of any wrongdoing.