Neighbour's noise complaint - what to do?

[Frankola]

I'll try to keep this simple. A bit of backstop first.

A month ago an elderly lady moved into the house next door. This house is a 3 story 4 bedroom property attached to mine.

I have a 4 year old daughter and a husband.

Here's the aibu -
Today I answered the door to my elderly next door neighbour who told me that the noise from my house "everyday from 6pm to 10pm is unacceptable".

When I asked her to elaborate she told me that my 4 year old daughter "bangs and shouts".

I really can't get my head around this. From 6pm we are eating tea and getting a bath! My dd isn't banging a drum kit or learning the bagpipes!

I'm shocked that this woman thinks its acceptable to complain about general family living noises at teatime?! Worse still, when I explained that I was quite confused as I'd never had any issues with neighbours over the previous 4 years we've lived there she told me "well you do have a problem now"!

I'm now driving myself mad with the idea shes going to report us to the police or social services or continue to cause us issues with her complaints.

So - aibu to post dog shit through her letterbox?
Seriously though - what would you do?

@bearhorn sorry to hear that

I really hope that's not my future too!

[quote Frankola]**@snowball2020* @catandhiskit* we are semi detached but she isn't. It's 3 townhouses and hers is the middle.

My old neighbour regularly text me and chatted to me about the neighbours next door. They're really nice but VERY loud. You can hear them on a night with the backdoor open smoking in the garden and shouting etc. She used to complain to me about the shouting and banging.

I actually think its quite likely that it's these people who are the source of the noise and she's either confusing it for us, or being judgemental towards us for being a younger family with a younger child than theirs.

I can't wait for summer to be honest. This summer I was putting the washing out and heard the toddler grandkid that visits a few times a week shouting "fucking cunt" in the garden

She's in for a shock.[/quote]
Oh wow!

Do update next summer as to how it goes with her other neighbors then, that’ll be amusing!

@rattleofbars the dog is a clumsy bastard but she weighs about 20lb. I suppose if the walls are thin though she would still hear her if she's running about.

I love a good rug so I might get more - thanks for THAT suggestion, my husband will be happy 🤣

@danceitout wow! I hope you managed to get that sorted!

@FelicisNox not brand new but 10 years old. Essentially the same cardboard wall problem

@ozziepoppop yes, she's definitely going to want that sound recorder then!

Sorry you have this to deal with OP, not good having difficulties with neighbours.

I know people have already mentioned dementia, I know from my mum’s experiences that they can have auditory hallucinations. My mum would regularly “hear“ an orchestra and a singer coming from the flat next door. I went round to hear it and trace where it was coming from and I could not hear anything. She also “hears” people chatting elsewhere in her flat.

She may have come across more threatening in her tone because she was nervous about talking to you and it perhaps came over the wrong way?

If she comes back ask her if she has a recording device. Say you would come and listen for yourself, but obviously the rules. Suggest she records every night for a week for example. This will give you a true indication of if it's you or not.

Funny how sounds travel. It could be someone else making noise elsewhere. I've been accused of alsorts over the years including owning dogs I don't have.

Strange new house choice for an elderly person!
I’m wondering if loneliness/early dementia could be reason for her noise aversion. I would treat her with polite kindness and then ignore her! And carry on doing family evening routine, with consideration obvs.

Thank you for all your comments this afternoon. Its good to know I'm not alone.

Funnily enough we were on the other side of something similar in our old house. Our next door neighbour was involved in a DV relationship with her bf. We knew this because you could hear the arguments, the physical beatings and her begging him to stop. She also ran out into the street with a bloody face once but she just went back inside when he shouted her back.

I got to the point that I couldnt bear to listen anymore without doing something so I called the local police station who told me that they couldn't do anything unless she made a complaint about him herself.

I did see some pcsos going in there once.

They packed up and left in the middle of the night a few days later. I still sometimes think of her and hope she's gotten away from him

You mentioned that the neighbour on the other side of her house has had noise complaints. Is it possible that she thinks it is your house making the noise and not on the other side? Sometimes it is difficult to tell where exactly the noise is coming from. Also, don't stress your family out over this. If you are not making unwarranted noise then there will be no problem. if the council is called, then discuss, but social services won't show up for this.

If she says she’s hearing noise then she is hearing noise, but that does not necessarily mean it’s from your house or that you are aware that it’s happening. For example, maybe your boiler makes a lot of noise and she hears it through the wall, but you can’t hear it coz you are brushing your teeth, doing the dishes etc when it’s happening so can’t hear it.

You probably don’t feel like helping her as she seems to have been quite rude to you but she is an old lady. Be the bigger person here. She could do with a friendly neighbour even if she is not being friendly herself.

Been there it’s likely she will report and community protection officers will come out to ask about the noise. I’d ask her if she has any grandchildren try not to make the situation into an episode of the nightmare neighbour next door.

Ignore her. There are no laws regarding children making noise. Buy some noisy toys at Christmas.

I think you need to buy your daughter a recorder!!! (And maybe a piano...)

I so understand this. I lived in an upstairs flat, and my downstairs neighbour found something to complain about almost constantly. Thankfully, after the 3rd absurd complaint, our management realized that she was simply being...well... a lady dog. Out of five complaints, the three that got me off the hook entirely and forever were: 1) takes a shower/washes dishes too late at night; 2) walks around too late at night; and 3) sits down on the toilet too late at night. Now, I'm a day sleeper, so I am up all night, but I had (up until then) made a real point of not going into my bedroom unless absolutely necessary. After that, I'd go in at least twice and stomp as hard as I could. I did tell the manager that I would happily swap flats with her so that no one would be above her. You can imagine how well that went over with her.

The point of this is, some people make a lifestyle of complaining, having nothing else to do with their time, and no other way of getting any attention at all. Ignore her. Should she make a formal complaint, tell whomever answers it that you, in fact, have ordinary household noises at those hours, but no more than normal.

They will tell her to put up or sell up. Take no notice of her. She can either buy some Head phones for her TV etc, or some ear plugs.

Is the house terraced ?
Could it be the neighbours on the other side ?

Ah ok, so you are end of terrace, OP
Semi in the UK always means two houses only, with a common wall.
Then of course the noise may come from her other side - say this to her as she may not understand how the noise can travel, after living in a detached.

All the PP doubting whether a 70 year old can be threatening or aggressive made me smile in view of our last neighbour.
She used to acuse us of banging on walls and throwing at her windows ( none of which were true) She came up our drive wielding a massive stick and cracked our glass in the door with it.
When my child had a friend round to play,she appeared in our garden screaming and telling them to f##k off . They were terrified and she wouldn't leave. I had to call the police on her eventually. She was bigger than me and very very intimidating. She used to hide by bobbing down behind her hedge to watch us. So...not all little old ladies are sweet and frail. She ended up being put in a home ,she was obviously very ill but it was a nightmare at the time.

Also, 70 isn’t THAT old these days!!! There are lots of people (Covid permitting) zooming around the world, doing whatever the hell they want. As long as they are fit and healthy, 70 isn’t bloody ancient!

Don’t do anything. We have a old guy next door and he complains because he has nothing to do. The council have told him to stop contacting them and us.
Maybe she’s lonely, put some oap group info through her door.

Sounds like she is perhaps...

1. Confusing the noise as coming from you when it’s from her other neighbours
2. Giving you lip because you look less scary than the other neighbours (no idea what they are like by the way but some people are easier to approach than others)
3. Has unrealistic expectations about noise levels living in a mid-terrace type house...

This is why I have a detached house. I am sensitive to noise and hearing my neighbours’ every day family life would piss me off. What does she expect??

Your neighbour is silly too because now if she ever needs your help, you are going to be less inclined to help. That is why she should have approached you in a civil and polite way. Not a hard thing to do but I imagine she has had a life of entitlement and gets her way by being rude and aggressive.