Neighbour's noise complaint - what to do?

[Frankola]

I'll try to keep this simple. A bit of backstop first.

A month ago an elderly lady moved into the house next door. This house is a 3 story 4 bedroom property attached to mine.

I have a 4 year old daughter and a husband.

Here's the aibu -
Today I answered the door to my elderly next door neighbour who told me that the noise from my house "everyday from 6pm to 10pm is unacceptable".

When I asked her to elaborate she told me that my 4 year old daughter "bangs and shouts".

I really can't get my head around this. From 6pm we are eating tea and getting a bath! My dd isn't banging a drum kit or learning the bagpipes!

I'm shocked that this woman thinks its acceptable to complain about general family living noises at teatime?! Worse still, when I explained that I was quite confused as I'd never had any issues with neighbours over the previous 4 years we've lived there she told me "well you do have a problem now"!

I'm now driving myself mad with the idea shes going to report us to the police or social services or continue to cause us issues with her complaints.

So - aibu to post dog shit through her letterbox?
Seriously though - what would you do?

@PolPotNoodle please stop trying to bait an argument by accusing me of believing my neighbour isn't entitled to live in that house. Ive said nothing of the sort.

Note that people aren't commenting on how many bedrooms she has - other than you because you're trying to put words in my mouth. Just stop unless you have some valuable suggestion about my actual question

Wow.

Do you wear shoes or hard soled slippers indoors? Just wondered if the ‘banging’ could be footsteps, it’s amazing how the noise can be amplified in some buildings.

Maybe try going barefoot/slipper socks and put some heavy rugs down to soundproof a bit?

4 year olds do tend to run and jump and dance (mine used to enjoy jumping off furniture at that age and charging about) I tried to teach her to ‘walk like a cat’ when we visited relatives in flats or terraces as the sound and vibration can make the neighbours’ ceiling shake. Or could it be the noise of doors banging? Or the dog running about?

@rattleofbars dd is 4. She is in bed from 7pm so she isn't banging toys on the walls from 6pm to 10pm. She doesn't bang toys on the walls intact- she plays with them in the way they're designed to be played with.

While I cook my dh plays with her and he wouldn't allow her to be bashing things on walls and radiators even if she wanted to.

Or sometimes he cooks and I play - but mostly its me cooking lol

I have similar issues. If any of us even get out of bed during the night to go to the loo, we get thumping on the party wall early the next morning. Any sign that we are alive in here is offensive to them.

On the other hand, their loud and constant DIY noises, out of tune piano playing (also on the adjoining wall) and loud 1am humping is just normal noise

Someone earlier in the thread did question why she was in a large house on her own , I had this when I bought my previous house / it’s no ones fucking business

I know this sounds quite dramatic but at her age if she’s saying there’s shouting/screaming at a time you know for a fact there’s not she might not be very well...if she keeps coming with things you know to be untrue you could maybe have a quiet word with her family if you see them coming to visit? X

Thanks for all the messages, I've had some really helpful responses. And some entertaining ones too

I'd like to make it clear this is nothing to do with my dhs console. The TV is on the wall facing the outside of our drive way. It isn't on her wall. He comes to bed before 10pm most nights so he isn't up at 4am on it. He doesn't chat with other gamers or use a headset. He has it on volume 10 of 150. He does that deliberately because our dd is in bed upstairs.

Our dd goes up to bed at 7pm and we deliberately try to keep noise to a minimum from that point because we don't want to wake her.

As I mentioned in previous posts, the suggestion was very much made that there was consistent noise between 6 and 10. My dh doesn't put his console on until about 8pm most nights and comes to bed at 10.

I got the feeling she was specifically talking about my dd. Which makes no sense as she is in bed at 7pm.

I'm really scratching my head over this!

Oh come on. Most ‘elderly’ folk I know are selling large houses to downsize to a bungalow.

Who on earth buys a three storey house as reach their dotage?

@rattleofbars shoes inside?! I'm British. Absolutely NOT

I do wear slippers but they're more like soft sock things. Maybe I'm just heavy footed (or heavy generally)

Well if she is really sensitive to noise I wonder if she is hearing (and this is from her perspective)
6pm cupboards banging and yelling while you feed screaming hangry DD and get dinner ready
7pm thundering up and down stairs getting DD down to sleep
8pm more cupboards banging while you tidy up the kitchen and bellow at DD to go back to bed and STAY in bed (I may be projecting here a bit...)
8-10pm console noise/bass from the telly/brass band practice.

I'm not saying it's fair or reasonable, but all of the above at a reasonable volume added up might feel to someone who is an over-sensitive drama llama like continuous banging and screaming between 6 and 10pm.

What's her age got to do with anything?

Separately, don't scratch your head too hard. You'll get dandruff like flaking!

If it was me I might be quite understanding of the lady - initially at least.
She may be widowed? - lost her life partner, isolated, lonely, anxious, stressed after the new house move?

If it were me I would ask could I go round with her, look where my staircase was in relation to her walls, ask her where she notices the noise exactly, in which room, on which floor - and work out what I have going on the other side.

I would listen to what noises it is particularly that are causing her stress and what things are troubling her - then see if there is room for me to make any reasonable changes. (But not changes to the way I live my life).

I would keep it balanced though - I wouldn’t let her think that I was going to react to future ongoing comments she might make.

It’s hard living in your home if you have stressful noise levels from neighbours that are impacting you - and if they won’t even engage with you...

Also OP, YABVVU to suggest putting dog shit through the letterbox of an elderly, and possibly vulnerable, woman.

Is she mistaken and the noise is form the other neighbours?
My DPs grandpa is convinced he hears music and noises from neighbours even though he is as deaf as a board and can’t even hear you speaking next to him 🙄

@Xiaoxiong I understand where you're coming from. However I'm not sure how to address it. Those are normal noises. I cant not feed my family, i can't not bath my child or put her to bed etc. Personally I dont think anyone should have to worry about doing those basic things in their own home.

I think the best way forward would be to be aware of when we might be doing something that someone living alone might consider to be noisy or disruptive to them. That way I can try to minimise those instances.

@sheepandcow
I WAS NOT seriously considering posting dog shit through my neighbours letterbox.

Good god

She probably isnt used to sharing a party wall with a family next door.
We live in a semi and until recently our neighbour was an elderly lady, she passed away and a family with two young dc moved in, we thought our house was pretty soundproof its not! The elderly lady clearly never made any noise ! But a family with kids running around , push along toys, mum that talks very loudly, and a lot more DIY and hoovering, well we definitely know we live in a semi now! However they are all normal household noises so we would never complain and if we did complain to the council it would never be taken seriously.
Noise may travel more than you think and if she lives alone she is likely to be more aware of it than you but it sounds like they are normal everyday noise levels and a reasonable time to me. The only thing that really wound me up and i did talk to my neighbours about was the wall mounted tv they put on the wall shared with DDs bedroom and watched movies into early hours every weekend. The sound went straight through the wall and they werent pg rated films!

Oh don’t worry op ! People can say what they like and suggest you try be quieter etc - but you have as much right as the neighbour to live in your home, bath your children, allow the children to play, your husband is allowed play his games!

Doesn’t sound like you will ever be friends with her now so I’d definitely just ignore, love your life and let her call the council if she wants.

she ought to be grateful she is not living next to ds. autism and neighbours do not mix well. at least one of them is deaf, thank God.

We could move in for a week, I could enforce homework....(major meltdowns) after that she will be eternally grateful that you are back and we are gone.

Also, I doubt she’ll be there forever, a 3 story house in your70s isn’t very careful planning, usually ppl want rid of the stairs not get more!

I've made noise complaints and I don't think you have any reason to worry, even if the council do come knocking. In our case, someone came round to see us and took really detailed notes about the complaint. They then met with our neighbours - because unfortunately in our case it wasn't a nice family having tea together! It was all about trying to resolve issues as smoothly as possible and I thought they dealt with everything very fairly. Neighbours given benefit of the doubt when they apologised, our expectations were managed. Don't worry.

As I understand it noise from children is virtually never considered a statutory nuisance, even if they're the colickiest of babies or the rowdiest of teens. Noise from everyday living is likewise not a nuisance.

So she can go fish.

When she starts harassing you, report anything criminal promptly.