Neighbour's noise complaint - what to do?

[Frankola]

I'll try to keep this simple. A bit of backstop first.

A month ago an elderly lady moved into the house next door. This house is a 3 story 4 bedroom property attached to mine.

I have a 4 year old daughter and a husband.

Here's the aibu -
Today I answered the door to my elderly next door neighbour who told me that the noise from my house "everyday from 6pm to 10pm is unacceptable".

When I asked her to elaborate she told me that my 4 year old daughter "bangs and shouts".

I really can't get my head around this. From 6pm we are eating tea and getting a bath! My dd isn't banging a drum kit or learning the bagpipes!

I'm shocked that this woman thinks its acceptable to complain about general family living noises at teatime?! Worse still, when I explained that I was quite confused as I'd never had any issues with neighbours over the previous 4 years we've lived there she told me "well you do have a problem now"!

I'm now driving myself mad with the idea shes going to report us to the police or social services or continue to cause us issues with her complaints.

So - aibu to post dog shit through her letterbox?
Seriously though - what would you do?

Yes ignore @Frankola, maybe she's lonely and over-focussing. Could you try and be...friends? With her? You know bake her a cake or something, I know its the last thing you feel like doing but people find it difficult to complain to people who are nice to them!

@Plussizejumpsuit good point, also the one earlier about tinnitus

If she wasn't aggressive you ABU.
You probably aren't making excess noise but considering she's just knocked round to say it and not raved have a bit of consideration before considering dog shit.

@blue25 I did listen to what she said, which made me confused. My dd is 4. Yes she plays, yes she sometimes shouts. But she certainly isn't screaming and banging between 6 and 10 every night. Shes in bed at 7pm for starters...

I suppose I could shut her in the cupboard?

It's normal household noise. Give her the number of the council and tell her she is welcome to report it.
The council won't do anything and hopefully she might listen to them when they tell her it's not an issue.

Ignore her and don’t worry about it.

For all those asking, my daughter goes to bed at 7pm.

I'm usually in bed by 10pm myself!

just ignore her tbh!

We have a similar issue - apartment block - neighbours below us keep leaving notes saying we stomp around and bang things!!

Thing is the times they suggest this is happening are during work hours when we are both sitting at our desks for 8 hours working ! the extend of our walking around is literally making a cup of tea or a bit of lunch!

The girl is now borderline harassing us - i heard her shout out her window yesterday afternoon that we need to stop banging (there was definitely no banging i was here on my own working!!)

She had our phone numbers as when she first moved in we were friendly - i've since blocked her and i now just throw her notes in the bin

Last time i spoke to her she was going on about how unfair it was she could hear noise all day all around her - i said it is an apartment block - we are all home during the day at the moment - you can indeed hear some noise from other flats - but we are all on top of each other

I told her to not contact me again and if she has a real complaint to call the council! end of

If they do report you nothing will happen - you are allowed live in your house, the children can play, it's just usual living noises - they should have bought a dethatched house if they want complete silence

@shortsilence She has actually told me previously that she moved from a detached bungalow.

I'm not sure of the backstory and don't like to stereotype either but I also find it unusual that she has moved from that kind of accommodation to a 3 story 4 bedroomed house. As one of my more direct neighbours said "that space is more suited to families with children surely?"

All the houses on this estate are occupied by families. She is the only person here of her age and living alone.

@time4change2018 yes, I hadn't thought of her being a bit nervous at night actually. I'll definitely be mindful of that in future.

@thequeef no, she did not rave. But she did indirectly threaten me.

She told me that "you do have a problem now".

I'm sorry but regardless of her age, that was a veiled threat of some kind.

Had she approached me with an ounce of kindness i would have apologised sincerely and looked at how I could modify our noise levels.

The way she did approach me however was very rude. She has also worried me that she is going to attempt to do something further. I dont think anyone should have to put up with that for a reasonable amount of family noise.

I would just ignore. She can escalate it to the council if she wants and they will ask her to keep a diary and give her a listening device. If you aren't making loads of excess noise you have nothing to worry about.

she'd love me then, i'm a heavy metal fan but i don't play it that loud that the neighbours hear it, metallica and maiden are banging

Surely it must either be someone else on the other side of her or something or you making the noise if your child is in bed by 7pm? She has to expect noise in a property that’s attached to others.

If she comes back again try and find out more about the times of the alleged noise and remind her your child can’t be making noise as she is asleep.

It could be her central heating banging or something if she’s a bit hard of hearing it sounds like banging? Or perhaps the walls are thin and you walking on wood floors sounds loud? Or you music thumps through paper thin walls?
Don’t know what else to suggest. Has your own headboard been banging off the wall once dc is in another room asleep

I wouldn’t tell her to fuck off or anything. That’s just rude. She’s old. Give her the benefit of the doubt.

However I’d suggest to her she investigates the source of the noise further and contact the local authority once she finds out where it’s coming from as you are pretty sure it’s not you.

Someone is making noise, so YWBU to not even consider where it's coming from. Do you have wood floors? Kids do tend to stomp at that age. Do you run the washing machine/dryer/dishwasher at night? Wondering if it 'thumps' on her end.

‘Well you have a problem now’

‘No, you do. I suggest you adjust to living next door to a family or move house. Don’t knock here again unless it’s to apologise.’

But she did indirectly threaten me.She told me that "you do have a problem now". I'm sorry but regardless of her age, that was a veiled threat of some kind.

I was with you till you posted this nonsense. It makes you sound like a total exaggerating drama llama.

@ShortSilence

Also — surely that’s a bit unusual, for a single elderly person to buy a three-storey 4-bed house, in the middle of a pandemic when nobody is allowed to visit. Why would she want all those rooms and so much square footage to maintain? (Genuine question, I’m not hinting at anything specific)

What’s the story there?

i was wondering this too, you say elderly i guess she's in her 80's then ? why would she move there ? that's a lot of stairs for a much older person. [sorry for derailing]

@heyahun sorry to hear you're having a similar issue

I think part of the problem for her may be that the houses have different layouts. Our kitchen and living area is on the middle floor where as hers is on the bottom floor. It might be that she can hear us walking backwards and forwards etc when she is in her living area and we are in ours?

I'm just going to try to be more aware of it. I've also had some good advice about keeping a diary of when she knocks on our door etc so that we're she to contact the council we have counter information if she becomes abusive or starts harassing us. Maybe you would benefit from that too?

Good luck!

She won't be used to noise from attached properties.

She may be able to hear you using the stairs- if you trot up, as I did years ago before I felt old and grey , it probably sounds like a herd of elephants.

She'll be hearing light switches, and cupboards doors shutting, too.

I'm not saying shes reasonable, but there may be noise you tune out because you are used to them that she hears.

Why not ask her to call you round to listen to the unacceptable noise level, then you can judge if she has a point or not

She told me that "you do have a problem now".

I'm sorry but regardless of her age, that was a veiled threat of some kind.

YABU here. She said that in response to your comment that previous neighbours hadn't had a problem. It doesn't come off as a threat at all.

maybe she's hearing a lot of noise from your TV, is it on the party wall?

@elieza funnily enough her neighbours on the other side have been the frequent subject of noise complaints from the person who lived their previously for music and shouting and swearing apparently. We know that's not us as we don't play music at night other than on headphones.

I'm just going to be a bit more aware of noise I think

@tweebree no washer at night. My old neighbour did this and it drove me insane.

Its a newer house and it doesn't have wood floors but the walls aren't particularly thick so I'll just encourage family members to be a bit lighter on their feet etc