Neighbour's noise complaint - what to do?

[Frankola]

I'll try to keep this simple. A bit of backstop first.

A month ago an elderly lady moved into the house next door. This house is a 3 story 4 bedroom property attached to mine.

I have a 4 year old daughter and a husband.

Here's the aibu -
Today I answered the door to my elderly next door neighbour who told me that the noise from my house "everyday from 6pm to 10pm is unacceptable".

When I asked her to elaborate she told me that my 4 year old daughter "bangs and shouts".

I really can't get my head around this. From 6pm we are eating tea and getting a bath! My dd isn't banging a drum kit or learning the bagpipes!

I'm shocked that this woman thinks its acceptable to complain about general family living noises at teatime?! Worse still, when I explained that I was quite confused as I'd never had any issues with neighbours over the previous 4 years we've lived there she told me "well you do have a problem now"!

I'm now driving myself mad with the idea shes going to report us to the police or social services or continue to cause us issues with her complaints.

So - aibu to post dog shit through her letterbox?
Seriously though - what would you do?

6pm? What does she expect? I’m doing exactly the same things OP. Plus running my vacuum around, as my Labrador is a hairy bugger.
That’s family life unfortunately. If she wants silence I suggest she buys a rural property in the country or a detached home.

In all honesty if she was sick or worked shifts, I’d limit washing machines /vacuuming but normal household noises are unavoidable!

Sorry, I’ve re-read your posts and you said you were in bed at 10pm, not an hour after your DD at 7pm. Still, I doubt you’re playing loud music or stomping around all evening after your DD is asleep. Because you would be keeping the noise down.

No, you’re clearly not the source of the noise between 6 and 10pm.

@whereyouleftit no hearing aid. However I have looked on the appropriate council websites for information- thanks

We had something similar when we moved into our house. Older (60s we think so not elderly but retired) neighbour started complaining we were making noise at times when we were very aware we weren't. We sort of shrugged it off and tried to be more aware of things like possibly being heavy footed etc.

Turned out in our case the neighbour had a brain tumour which eventually killed her. Wasn't nice but the sound seemed to be caused by that. Both sets of neighbours were threatened by family. Police were involved. Neighbour had kept logs of noises from times we apparently made noise but could prove we weren't there - a lot of noise was coming from our house apparently when I was in hospital giving birth for instance. Council had installed noise monitors on the other neighbours and our previous owners and wouldn't entertain her anymore.

As a pp says, keep your own diary as it may not be you. Don't be afraid of living your own life in your home either - considerate isn't the same as pandering.

she is over 70. She is elderly

This is what's annoying some posters. On MN 70 is just starting middle age. You know that ledgend of king Arthur, asleep on the Island of Avalon for 1000 years until England's greatest hour of need? He's the only one you are allowed to call elderly.

@suzi888 my household noise at 6pm consists of my husband arriving home, me cooking dinner, letting the dog out, hoovering if its a mess, tidying up and making lunch for the following day. During this time my 4 year old mills around asking for snacks lol.

After tea its bath. Then we lay in bed and read story books or have 10 minutes on the tablet.

I genuinely think its the walls and the difference in house layout but I'm just going to be mindful of any excess noise - most likely to originate from my dd to be fair.

@ohlookhekickedtheball oh Jesus non of that sounds nice

@donquixotedelamancha yes, perhaps I should have said "senior" although I reckon that sounds pretty patronising tbh!

Honestly, ‘elderly’ used to be anyone over retirement age, 65 for men and 60 for women (also known as ‘senior citizens’).

Honestly, some people will take offence at anything.

@G3orgeOrwell

I wouldn't do anything if you are not making noise and any noise you do make is within acceptable hours.

In my experience elderly people tend to be very entitled and think the world revolves around their wishes. The way she approached you by being rude and aggressive looks like she is the one wanting to start a fight, not the right way to deal with an issue when you are expecting your neighbours to acquiesce to your wishes, therefore she is probably very lonely and miserable and wants some human interaction by starting some drama.

wow. replace "elderly" with "black" or "disabled" in your comment. You can't make assumptions about a quarter of the population like that!

Yes she was rude to you and no you don't sound particularly loud however maybe just think about what "Normal family noise" consists of. I'm sure my neighbours would think the noise they make is just "normal family noise" and to be fair they aren't banging drums or anything - but they are SO LOUD. For some reason despite living in a very small 2bed semi and never being more than a few metres max away from each other they feel the need to scream every conversation they have at each other to the point where I could easily join in...earlier today the mum was telling the dd her new phone number, I picked up every digit...! (and was tempted to ring it to ask her to pipe down!)

Every single morning from 7.30-8.30 it's just people bellowing and shrieking at each other and is impossible to sleep through..."normal family noise" for their family obviously but not for mine!

Seriously how much noise can one 4 year old make. She should try living next to my 3. I’m also assuming your 4 year old isn’t up till 10pm every night. Is it a tv or something you have on that’s causing a vibration?

@thevassal You are posting as though the OP is the person you've quoted- she isn't!

@thevassal you'd like us living next door then. None of us are morning people so we barely speak 5 words to each other before we leave the house for school and work

@FippertyGibbett

Tell her to fuck off.

This.

Sometimes you just to have be short and to the point.

@alicemck I actually read my books on a night. My dh plays on his console though so I might tell him to turn it down more than he does at the moment

@bitoffun

@rhine @fippertygibbett

@Heyahun same, downstairs neighbours threatening legal action because of our stomping and banging in the early hours.

It's me walking to the loo or to get water in the night...

Makes you really self conscious but what can we do? So I just keep walking in my own house. As I'm allowed to.

[quote Frankola]@alicemck I actually read my books on a night. My dh plays on his console though so I might tell him to turn it down more than he does at the moment[/quote]
Ah.....as the thread goes on the penny seems to be dropping ?

Is it possible that you/her/her other neighbour has a heating system that turns on for the evening between 6 and 10pm?

@blue25

Maybe listen to what she’s saying, you’re obviously making noise or she wouldn’t have come round. Show some consideration and ensure your child isn’t banging, shouting etc.

The OP already said her daughter wasn't banging. But actually so what if she is? She is 4 and should be allowed to make noise like any 4 year old. We run around every night after tea playing what's the time MR Wolf or Tag in our house. It's called family life. There's consideration of course, but the OP must be entitled to have fun with her child without being scared.

OP, your neighbour is a miserable old bag. Ignore her.

Carry on as you are. You are making ordinary family noise. If your
no-name-neighbour (NNN) wishes to complain to the Environmental Health department at your council - let her crack on. You know you are not being unreasonable. You cannot tiptoe in your own home just in case she knocks on your door. An EHO may write to you if and only if she complains. NNN sounds like a bully. Don't respond or feed her drama. Good luck.

Buy your daughter one of these for Christmas.

A lot of that activity is in the kitchen, while you're cooking, or tidying afterwards - do you think you might be banging the cupboard doors and drawers without realising it, if you don't have soft-close mechanisms?

I only ask because my mum is the biggest door banger I've ever seen - she seems to slam, slam, SLAM the doors and flings the drawers in and out. When she comes to stay she sometimes cooks dinner and DH and I are literally jumping out of our skin when she slams her way through it all. If we talk her out of cooking, then she insists on clearing up and then it's a load of slamming again as she puts things away.

The cutlery drawer is the worst because it's so heavy - it goes off like a gunshot and she'll put a few forks away, SLAM, then get some more cutlery, open the drawer again, SLAM. She honestly doesn't realise she's doing it, we have told her so many times - it's like she doesn't know her own strength or something.

[quote Frankola]@polpotnoodle who's banging on?! I mentioned it in my original post for context and once again in the feed to share what a neighbour had said.

I dont particularly want to use this thread to get into a debate about my opinions of single occupants taking larger homes.

I asked for advice on what to do about my neighbour in future.[/quote]
You mentioned it three times which is, in my book, banging on given it makes no difference to her complaint. You're the one that has repeatedly brought it up so obviously you feel she has less entitlement to live there. Whatever.

Again, if you are doing nothing wrong then you have nothing to worry about.