Neighbour's noise complaint - what to do?

[Frankola]

I'll try to keep this simple. A bit of backstop first.

A month ago an elderly lady moved into the house next door. This house is a 3 story 4 bedroom property attached to mine.

I have a 4 year old daughter and a husband.

Here's the aibu -
Today I answered the door to my elderly next door neighbour who told me that the noise from my house "everyday from 6pm to 10pm is unacceptable".

When I asked her to elaborate she told me that my 4 year old daughter "bangs and shouts".

I really can't get my head around this. From 6pm we are eating tea and getting a bath! My dd isn't banging a drum kit or learning the bagpipes!

I'm shocked that this woman thinks its acceptable to complain about general family living noises at teatime?! Worse still, when I explained that I was quite confused as I'd never had any issues with neighbours over the previous 4 years we've lived there she told me "well you do have a problem now"!

I'm now driving myself mad with the idea shes going to report us to the police or social services or continue to cause us issues with her complaints.

So - aibu to post dog shit through her letterbox?
Seriously though - what would you do?

Ignore her, she sounds like a childhating bully. I would accept that you’re never going to get on and ignore her. If she complains many times tell her your house has a normal level of noise and that her behaviour is harassment.

Random memory... The noisest flat I know (I holidayed above it once 🙈 is where an old person plays their tv at top volume because they’re hard of hearing. And then falls asleep in front of it. Every night.

Ignore and carry on like normal. She may be used to having no neighbours so any noise seems extra loud. She will soon get used to it.

@bluntness100 I dont feel I am being dramatic. I'm now worrying about living to a normal standard in my own home.

We have had excellent relationships with all our neighbours until now. We have spent time together socially etc. One of the reasons we moved to this estate was to live somewhere that was family orientated and we would get on well with people.

Now I feel uncomfortable in my own home

@ShortSilence

Also — surely that’s a bit unusual, for a single elderly person to buy a three-storey 4-bed house, in the middle of a pandemic when nobody is allowed to visit. Why would she want all those rooms and so much square footage to maintain? (Genuine question, I’m not hinting at anything specific)

What’s the story there?

She wanted it and can afford it, simple as that.

A colleague of mine is a single chap and lives in a bloody great 5 bed house, I guess that's weird too?

If I was single, I'd still have a house like we live in now and its about the same size as hers.

@plussizejumpsuit I actually find your comment funny because up until now I havent once complained about her having workmen in the house knocking the kitchen to bits at 8am on a Saturday or ripping the carpets out and bashing the floors at 7pm at night...

I would at least try and be pleasant to her and find out exactly what she is referring to, you don't sound very kind, how old is she if you call her 'elderly' (on Mumsnet that can be anything over 40) and questioning what she bought a three storey, four bedroom house. Why shouldn't she? My parents (close to their 90s) bought a three storey house a few years ago, they love it and say they stairs keep them active.

It is just normal family noise and if she wants to take it further it would be to the council and they would monitor it. So if she approaches you again tell her you don't believe that it is coming from your house, suggest that it could be from the other side (unless she is putting a glass to the wall) but if she wants to report you to do it.

Environmental health would talk to you and you would say I am not sure the noise is coming from us, my daughter is in bed at 7pm and we tend to be in bed before 10pm.

I used to work next to environmental health at the council (divided by those fabric screens that divide up large office spaces) and they used to get all sorts of weird complaints, spend time in people's houses with someone ranting can they not hear that and EH said that is just normal noise, not music, not drilling, just a family moving around normally and nothing you can complain about.

Noise is incredibly subjective. Lots of people live with train tracks at the bottom of the garden or under flight paths, others couldn't stand that.

I'd go over there and talk to her
Hi how are you? Anything we can do?

She's probably feeling very alone
My mum moved into a situation like this and I was horrified by her moaning about normal family life going on, I think it amplified her loneliness and stressed her out ,,, etc nice she got to know the neighbours she was fine. I know it's weird and yes my mum was that neighbour 😬

@tweebree unfortunately you weren't there to hear the delivery of it. The tone was very much in keeping with me feeling uncomfortable about what she said.

I’m single and I’d happily live in a big house!

If she’s come from detached, her expectations might be unrealistic.

I’ve found that some friends living in houses with thin walls get just as much noise as I do in a block of flats. It’s also hard to tell where it’s coming from and can travel oddly.

I wouldn’t do anything except just be conscious of noise and if she talks to you again, ask if she might be mistaking her other neighbour noise for yours.

@blue25

Maybe listen to what she’s saying, you’re obviously making noise or she wouldn’t have come round. Show some consideration and ensure your child isn’t banging, shouting etc.

The Op says her child isn't banging and shouting. Now what? Assume OP is lying?

@ragwort I don't believe I am an unkind person because I have relayed some facts to give some context.

1 - she is over 70. She is elderly
2 - she has bought a 3 storey 4 bedroom house

The reason I mention the house is because our living layouts are different and I do believe in general 3 storey houses are a bit noisier.

I suppose I could flip your comment on its head and say I find you unkind for presuming I'm making certain judgements about a person. I'm not.

I totally agree with the comments about being a little more aware of noise and that some noises might be more stressful for someone living a very different lifestyle to us (ie on their own). Ill keep my eye on it.

I dont plan on starting a war or being rude to my neighbour by the way. I suppose I'm just worried that the situation may cause us discomfort down the line. I dont want a bad relationship with any neighbour. My previous next door neighbour was someone that I used to help, and she used to help me. It was nice to have that. Much better than the opposite!

When we first moved here our nd asked my dd's if they tap danced on the stairs!!
Then discovered our houses were once one and the walls are paper thin. Most move if you lean on them.. Keep a diary of your dd's bedtimes op. Then you are prepared if the council should appear..

@dishingoutdone

Thank you I did find it strange that I was immediately labelled as a liar by @blue25

Ignore her.

Environmental health won't be interested as:

1. The noise is in what is regarded day time as it isn't after 10.30pm
2. The sounds of children playing or just being themselves is regarded as normal everyday noise.

If she comes around again tell her to not darken your door again tell her to get her ears tested.

Pinch of salt, carry on as normal as long as you are not making unreasonable amounts of noise,dont worry about anything

I had a neighbour who complained about my kid who was a toddler at the tone, lived in a flat below now this isn't late at night this is daytime hours BTW, one time 12pm in the afternoon, I was attaching a new fire place to the wall she was on the buzzer phone to security.. Constantly Calling up the security of the flats, so I went to the council and complained about her complaining. It worked she was beyond a joke

@Frankola

I totally agree with the comments about being a little more aware of noise and that some noises might be more stressful for someone living a very different lifestyle to us (ie on their own). Ill keep my eye on it.

I dont plan on starting a war or being rude to my neighbour by the way. I suppose I'm just worried that the situation may cause us discomfort down the line. I dont want a bad relationship with any neighbour. My previous next door neighbour was someone that I used to help, and she used to help me. It was nice to have that. Much better than the opposite!

If as you say you’d like to ease the tension, then it would probably be best to have a conversation, whether she is reasonable or not

What about dropping a note round suggesting you find a time to chat F2F. Listen to what she says and say you will have a think

What you DO is then up to you. You might chose to do nothing at all.
It may be that what she thinks is your noise is from another house, she might have tinnitus, she might be completely unreasonable... you won’t know til you ask and as you say you value cordial neighbourly relations this is the way to move it forward

You don’t need to apologise for normal life noises and it DOES sound like she was a bit rude, but maybe she was exasperated/having a bad day and you can reset things which is better for you

In reality, best thing might be for her to think about what spaces she uses to avoid noise (eg I’ve moved my home office from noisy front to quiet back of house), & if you know more and are on good terms you could make those suggestions...

[quote Frankola]@tweebree unfortunately you weren't there to hear the delivery of it. The tone was very much in keeping with me feeling uncomfortable about what she said.[/quote]
The delivery by a 70 year old woman has made you scared of what she’ll do next?

Are they terrace houses? A friend of mine lives in a house with a noisy neighbour. What ever way the houses are built and chimney/pipes and attics it sounds like noise comes from the house on right when it is actually the left.

She’s come from living in s detached property, so normal living noise from neighbours probably does sound loud to her. I can’t abide other people’s noise which is why I couldn’t ever live in a terraced property. I used to live in flats as a student and noise never bothered me then, but it has more and more as I’ve got older.

I suspect she’s just overly sensitive and needs to get used to hearing other people’s noise op. It doesn’t sound like the noise you are making is unreasonable any she’ll just have to accept that. You can’t creep around in your own house.

Been there!

Live in a semi and neighbours got increasingly irate at our "outrageous noise". Examples of this included: walking up and down the stairs, opening/closing our front door.

They kept a "noise diary" in an attempt to get noise equipment set up. They were told the equipment would not happen as nothing documented was deemed excessive/unreasonable.

Transpired one of them has severe MH issues. Makes sense.

But she did indirectly threaten me.She told me that "you do have a problem now". I'm sorry but regardless of her age, that was a veiled threat of some kind

😂😂

Sorry - but that cracks me up