Neighbour's noise complaint - what to do?

[Frankola]

I'll try to keep this simple. A bit of backstop first.

A month ago an elderly lady moved into the house next door. This house is a 3 story 4 bedroom property attached to mine.

I have a 4 year old daughter and a husband.

Here's the aibu -
Today I answered the door to my elderly next door neighbour who told me that the noise from my house "everyday from 6pm to 10pm is unacceptable".

When I asked her to elaborate she told me that my 4 year old daughter "bangs and shouts".

I really can't get my head around this. From 6pm we are eating tea and getting a bath! My dd isn't banging a drum kit or learning the bagpipes!

I'm shocked that this woman thinks its acceptable to complain about general family living noises at teatime?! Worse still, when I explained that I was quite confused as I'd never had any issues with neighbours over the previous 4 years we've lived there she told me "well you do have a problem now"!

I'm now driving myself mad with the idea shes going to report us to the police or social services or continue to cause us issues with her complaints.

So - aibu to post dog shit through her letterbox?
Seriously though - what would you do?

@despairinghomeowner thank you for your advice. Definitely something to consider

She had the decency to knock on your door and speak to you, the very least you can do is figure out what it is that's troubling her.

Noise pollution is an appalling thing to live with.

Please don't take the "advice" from those who say go over and talk to her!! This is just bowing down to her and putting yourself in a weaker position by being overly accommodating/ bending over backwards to her very unreasonable demands and frankly rude behaviour. She sounds awful.

I wouldn't open the door to her if she comes again and tbh would mind my business as much as possible, be curt/polite but in no way overly friendly at all. She needs to see be your behaviour and body language that she offended you in the hope she might question if she was at all right to do what she did.
If you look at it frankly, an elderly woman living on her own versus a young family - it will be her at some point likely needing a favour/help from you, not the other way round.
She was beyond petty and pedantic to make an issue out of nothing in such a rude way, not clever at all.

Make loud noises for 24 hours a day. That way it will be the norm and there won't be a specific period that is 'unacceptable'

@greyskyclouds so because she is a 70 year old woman I shouldn't be concerned about her actions?

I don't want the council or some pcso knocking at my door over something trivial. I dont think that's something to laugh at?

I wouldn't do anything if you are not making noise and any noise you do make is within acceptable hours.

In my experience elderly people tend to be very entitled and think the world revolves around their wishes. The way she approached you by being rude and aggressive looks like she is the one wanting to start a fight, not the right way to deal with an issue when you are expecting your neighbours to acquiesce to your wishes, therefore she is probably very lonely and miserable and wants some human interaction by starting some drama.

@aridane I aim to get cheap laughs

@sundowners thanks. I definitely won't be going over to discuss it further right now, I don't think she would react in a positive way lol

The delivery by a 70 year old woman has made you scared of what she’ll do next?

Somebody needn't be physically intimidating to make your life a misery. The OP has already said she is worried about malicious reports.

@g3orgeorwell I had to laugh afterwards on the phone to my husband because he pointed out that she had introduced herself to me as "your next door neighbour" - no actual name! I'd not realised! I wasn't worthy of knowing her name clearly

Now I'm picturing Barbara Windsor for some reason .

I don't know why you keep banging on about her living in a large house, its none of your or your 'more direct' neighbours business why she has chosen to live there. Thankfully we don't tend shove old people in annexes to make room for families the minute they start drawing their pension in this country.

I've no idea as to whether she's hearing you or not, it might be her other neighbour, it might be your family (people tend to be immune to their own noise), it might be both. If it isn't from your household then there's nothing to worry about.

You can consider her point of view without being offended or alarmed. Let her cool down then see if you can have a sensible conversation about it. Be assertive rather than defensive or aggressive. You have to live next to this woman and you don't have to be friends or change your lifestyle but it's nice to get along.

I would have a conversation with her along the lines of asking her to clarify what the noise is and when as clearly your dd is in bed at 7pm so it isn't noise until 10pm. Is she sure it is coming from your house.

I would tell her your dd is only 4 and you are working on her indoors voice (which you should be anyway) but 4 year old shout.

Unless there is something specific (for example a wonky floorboard on the stair which is making a banging noise and can be repaired) tell her it is normal family noise and she is probably sensitive to it coming from a detached home and there is nothing more you can do.

@g3orgeorwell picture Nora Batty and you're closer

''I'm now driving myself mad with the idea shes going to report us to the police or social services or continue to cause us issues with her complaints.''

OK, stop worrying about that. The only person who will listen to a complaint about noise is the Environmental Health department of your local council. If you have a look at their website there will probably be details about what noise levels count as normal daily noise. You might find reading how they would deal with a complaint reassuring.

Did you notice if she wore a hearing aid? It's been mentioned on similar threads that poorly set aids can cause the wearer problems. My MIL wears one and in its early days she was exasperated at how much background noise it was picking up and amplifying. I would wonder if that could be a factor.

But, best thing you can do now is stop worrying and continue life as normal. By all means be aware of the noise you make, but don't start whispering and tiptoeing around.

@millya thank you.

I dont expect her to drop kick me, no. But as I've said I don't want unwarranted visits from the council or pcso's blah blah

Honestly, if that's all the noise getting her worked up to 90 then she needs to have walked my shoes! She would then really understand what noisy neighbours is! Our problem was with noisy neighbours through the night. For months on end.

She may report you to the noise pollution team at the council. They chat with both parties to get both points of view. Take it from there. Hopefully this will turn out to be a storm in a tea cup.

Make a bit more noise then she can complain and you can be gracious and reduce it back to where it is now

@polpotnoodle who's banging on?! I mentioned it in my original post for context and once again in the feed to share what a neighbour had said.

I dont particularly want to use this thread to get into a debate about my opinions of single occupants taking larger homes.

I asked for advice on what to do about my neighbour in future.

You shouldn’t feel intimidated living in your own home with usual family noise, it’s not exactly party central is it? Do you know where your new neighbour lived before, perhaps she was living in a detached home? If so she will need to adjust or move. But you need to carry on with your normal family life Op, neither you or your daughter are doing anything wrong.

The OP’s DD is in bed by 7pm, so she isn’t creating excessive noise between 6 and 10pm. The OP goes to bed an hour later. Why do some posters always assume there must be something wrong that the OP is doing?

The previous owners of that neighbour’s property used to complain about the neighbours on the other side, so it sounds like the new neighbour hasn’t worked out where the noise is coming from.

She sounds rude and abrasive in her approach. 70 or not. I wouldn't like that on my doorstep.

BUT she is your neighbour, you don't want aggro. Keep an eye on the noise. But don't bend your life out of shape.

Be polite and friendly if you pass her. Big smiles etc. I love doing the "kill them with kindness " approach to rude people.

Hopefully she'll get used to her new location and chill out a bit or find where this noise IS coming from. If the annoyance with you persists be polite but firm and it's time for a diary.

@lockeddownandcrazy I'm getting my trumpet out

@mittens030869 thank you for reading the full thread